Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Cough Syrup, Me, Myself and I

Sunday night I was crawling into bed around mid-night, all ready to snuggle in to my nice clean sheets when I realized it was the 3rd of the month. The last day to pay rent before they add on a huge late fee. So I fly out of bed, throw on my clothes and run out the door. As I am driving down town, in the middle of the freaking night,because I am too lazy to roll my butt out of bed before the the office opens , I am noticing that I am the only moron out which is probably a good thing since no one else should be driving while I am under the influence of some heavy duty cold medicine. There are NO other cars around. I also happen to notice that every light I come up to is red. The light stays red just long enough for me to come to a "California Rolling Stop" and then turns green. So, after about the tenth time this happens I start to get irritated that I am having to lose momentum just to have to speed up again, when I am the only car on the road. Now, in conversation between my goodself and my badself, not out loud of course...that would be crazy, talking out loud to myselves...with no one in the truck with us me.
Badself-"Why are you stopping, just keep right on going, its gonna turn green anyway."
Goodself-"If I did that, it would be the one time it did not turn green and there would sit a pen happy cop, all poised and ready to give me a ticket! And we'd probably fail the sobriety test because that was some dang strong prescription cough syrup that you took, that the Dr. ordered for Buzz us"
So I keep obeying the law, and I keep slowing to my rolling stop. By the time I get to the last signal before home, I am cold and tired and it is raining and it is One O'clock in the stinkin' morning. I am pissin' and moanin'at the top of my lungs under my breath because out loud would make me "the crazy lady who talks to herself" about the dang signals when I see the last one is green. I am overjoyed, the stars have finally aligned and I am so close to home, I can start to smell the downy softness of my sheets....when the light turns red.
I come to a complete stop and I wait... and I wait... and I wait some more. Badself starts to think, I am just going to go, I can see in all directions it is clear...no other idiots about. Just then the light turns green and a cop pulls up past me.
Goodself-"See...you see what trouble you almost get us into?"
What luck. Moncur Luck. I never had these issues before I changed my name. The stars were always aligned for me before I got married. I never rarely ever talked to myself at least not outloud. I think I have officially lost it. Man, this is some strong cough syrup!


Jennifer aka Binky Bitch said...

I love the title of your blog! So funny! Also I love that you said you're raising your husband and four sons. Isn't THAT the truth!

Isn't it eerie when you're the only one on the road...I always wonder where the heck everyone else is!

Maria said...

i have to agree about the 'moncur' luck there...glad i switched my name. j/k hope you guys are doing good!

Jeff & Holly said...

You sound just like me. I can see that happening with me. I'm glad you made it home safe and ticket free!!