Friday, April 1, 2011

Lesson Learned?

Once upon a time a boy named Rub wanted hot chocolate, because his much older brother had some hot chocolate. Rub wanted to be much older too and do things much older boys can do. Like make his own hot chocolate. The much older brother, who was suppose to be "watching" his much younger brothers while his mother "caught up" on her work, did not seem concerned by this at all. Being much shorter than the much taller, much older brother, Rub could not reach the counter to pour the hot water into his mug from the boiling electric tea kettle. So Rub being part spider monkey climbed up the cupboards and onto the counter. Then Rub's mom, being buried under mountains of work in the office heard Rub screaming. Before she could climb out from under all her paperwork Rub appeared in the office with a big ol' sob story. Such a big ol' sobbin' sob story his mom had no idea what he was trying to say. So already being irritated with a whole days worth of tantrums and tattling she told him to quit crying and go play.
Ten minutes later the much older, much taller, much suddenly concerned brother carries the still sobbing Rub in and sets him down in front of the much stressed out mother and proceeds to pull up the shorts leg on the sobbing child. This is what the much stressed out, cold crow eating mother saw...

Steam Burn

Then the even more stressed out, feeling like a bad, overwhelmed, frustrated mother called her daddy the fireman for advice so she would not have to sit on hold with the after hours advice nurse forever. She called him on his cell phone, his house phone, his wife's cell phone, the mountain house phone, and the other mountain house phone. She stopped short of paging him and calling him at work and decided to call the nurse. Now the stressed out, overwhelmed, crow eating, frustrated mother has a degree believe it or not. Yup, an associates degree in medical science. BUT every child she had, took part of her brain and the part that is left doesn't function unless it has a steady stream of diet Pepsi and her I.V. had to be removed when she forgot to refill her heart medicine.

So after being on hold with the advice nurse that she use to work with and imagining her laughing at her mush for brains she came to the conclusion that the burn didn't quiiiiite take up 1/2 of his palm (How they measure what % of the body has been burned)and so he didn't need to be seen. So the momma cleaned it and dressed it and drugged up her kid with pain killer. Then she asked him, "Are you gonna climb on the counter any more?" and he said, "Not until you put that electric cattle burner thing in the trash." Then the momma had to laugh even though she was exhausted.

The Boy Who Cried Wolf

Yesterday the school called, It was Miss Barbara in the office.

Miss Barbara: Rub's in the office, he says his head hurts and he wants to go home.
Me: I will be there in a minute to evaluate the situation.

Rub: Mom, my heart hurts and I might feel like I am going to throw up.
Me: Well what is it, your head, your heart or your stomach?
Rub: My stomach hurts. Really mom, it does! And I am not hungry and I don't need to poop.
Me: Rub you are just fine. You need to go back to class. Besides, if you come home you will have to stay in bed. No t.v., no video games, no toys.
Rub: It's just I am hungry but I don't want to be hot lunch, I want a cold lunch. Me: You should have told me that this morning when we looked at the menu. It's too late now. Go to class.

Today I got another call from the school.

Miss Kim: Rub's in the office again. He says he has the flu and you thought he was better but he says he's not.
Me: Ugh! Let me talk to him.
Rub: Mom, I need to come home. My stomach hurts. Really it does mom! And I am not hungry and I don't need to poop and I didn't even eat any of my boogers.
Me: Rub that's disgusting. When did your tummy start hurting?
Rub: Remember when I threw up on my Baby Mouse book? (way back in JANUARY!) It feels like that.
Me: I will be there to get Dub in a minute, then we will talk.

Me: If you come home, you go to bed for the rest of the day. No t.v., no video games and no playing outside with everyone else.
Rub: Fine, I'll go back to class.