Guess What I Found?.......

...$2.00 in pennies and nickles
John Deere check book cover filled with carbons but no checks.
New check book.
Pack of tissues
Lip gloss
Lip liner
Lipstick
Burt's Bees Peppermint chap stick
Burt's Bees Almond Hand cream
Nail file
4 Bobby pins
1 Clippy
1 Rubber band
1 Headband thingy
Compact
5 Pens from various places (sorry if you are missing your pen)
Eye drops
Purell
2 Wipey thingies for glasses
Half dozen various receipts
Insurance bill
Insurance receipt
Electric bill
Half dozen expired coupons for various things
AND...
1 Star mint once sticky and sucked on and now covered in lint, sand etc
2 lollipops half eaten and wrapped in tissue (I guess Lemon is not the flavor of choice)
Several pieces of ABC gum wrapped in tissue, paper, candy wrappers etc.
Lip Smackers Dr.Pepper chapstick tube, empty, with no lid.
4 Hot Wheels
1 Fireman
2 Soldiers
1 Anikan Skywalker
1 Ewok
6 Broken crayons
3 Colored pencils
2 Markers
3 Drawings of Star Wars
3 Used handiwipes covered in Ketchup smiles and grubby hand prints
1 Hat to the Lego Indiana Jones
1 Bouncy ball
1 Half Eaten bag of french fries I don't remember buying
1 Half Eaten Pop Tart
2 Peanut butter crackers still in the package but crushed
Several smashed goldfish crackers
1 Corn dog stick from I don't know where
1 Cupcake wrapper
1 Unidentifiable object believed to be at some point a baby carrot
1 Dead "snaily" in a plastic coin machine egg thingy.
A used band aid
1 dirty sock
2 Sea Shells
1 Acorn
About a 1/4 cup of sand
Some playground bark
and last but not least a homemade card that says, "Mommy you are the goodest mom ever. Love Buzz" on the outside and I couldn't read the inside because someone spit their used gum in it.

And that is why I no longer carry a purse. Last year for Christmas I found a super cute black and cream Toile purse trimmed in real leather for $10. I bought it with the idea that I would give to my sister in law for Christmas filled with lotsa cute little goodies. On the way home from the store I could not stop thinking about that purse touching, ogling, thinking of all the perfect outfits I had that it would look so cute with... . When I got home I put the purse on my closet shelf and that night I decided it would go perfect with the outfit I was wearing to an event that night. Sorry 'Brina. I kept the purse, I love the purse...except I don't carry it anymore because at our house we have a Gremlin. The "Honest, I don't know how that got there gremlin"...four of them to be exact. So I cleaned out the cutest purse ever and put it back on my shelf. Every now and then I hide clean out my closet and notice the Gremlin is still working, because "Honest I don't know how those chocolate donuts got in there."

Silly Man Says Whaaaat???

JC had Dubs yesterday while I had some assemblies and a PTC meeting at school. When I got home and asked how his day was his response was...

"Do you know how hard it is to get any work done when you have to entertain this kid?"

Are you serious? You must be joking. You did not really just ask me that question did you? I sent THE most easy going, self entertaining, least mischief making child with you. One child. Just one. Not all four, not three or even two. Just one. HELLOOOO!!!

Oh, Don't Worry, It's Just Money, Your Ability To Own A Home...

I will be honest, I almost never answer our land line because anyone who wants to talk to me, that I want to talk to has my cell phone number. If they don't have my cell number then chances are they are sales people and I don't want to talk to them. Same goes for JC and his cell phone. The people who know us, know our cell numbers, the people who don't know us we don't generally want to talk to. Anyway to the point of the story. Monday night the land line rang and I was standing right there and wasn't doing anything so I answered it.

Caller: Is Mr. Moncur there?

Me: No. (which technically was not a lie, he wasn't there, he was in his office.) This is his wife, may I take a message for him.

Caller: This is Blah Blah* calling from Wells Fargo Bank. We are showing an outstanding balance of $253.78 on your revolving credit line.

Me: Umm. We don't have a credit line with you. In fact we don't even have an account with you. When was this credit line open?

Caller: It is a revolving line of credit and the account is under JC Moncur.

Me: I understand that, but when was it open, because he hasn't banked with you for almost 12 years. He doesn't have a line of credit with you or any other bank for that matter. So if there is an account there in his name that means someone has stolen his identity.

Caller: It says JC Moncur.

Me: Yes, I get that his name is on it, BUT he did not open an account with you.

Caller: Can you hold? *click, start annoying static/music here*

Me: Hmm... So glad you waited for the answer to that question.

15 minutes later.

Caller: Mam, I am sorry, it seems I was mistaken. Someone has your husbands old account number so when I entered the number in the computer your information came up. I am sorry to have worried you.

Me: So, our account that has been closed for 12 years, is now someone else's, but you have ALL of our current information on file. We have changed phone numbers at least four times since that account closed. Is there some way to remove us from the system so our credit doesn't accidentally get mixed up with his?

Caller: Oh, no your credit won't get mixed up.

Me: Well at the very least so as not to send me into a panic again.

Caller: Oh, this is very rare, I can assure you.

Me: I would like to have our information removed please.

Caller: Can you hold please. *click

Me: Hello? Hello? *dial tone.

I have been on the phone, on hold three times for no less than 20 minutes each time. I will be going to Wells Fargo on Monday to have a discussion with a manager in person, since there doesn't seem to be one living in India!

Sunday Drive

While driving home from church one Sunday we decided to take a side trip through a little neighborhood to look at a house JC has been drooling over curious about. He tells me, "It looks like it is vacant, the lawn is dead, the weeds have taken over, the windows are under three layers of grime and there are cobwebs galore, but it has a lot of potential. It is a huge corner lot, with a two story playhouse in back and big shade trees." Then we turn the corner and the garage door is open and there are cars parked in it. That blows the vacant theory. The new theories are #1 They are the coolest haunted house on Halloween and they are preparing early for the most realistic look. OR #2 Their neighbors must really be irked at them for driving down the property value by not taking care of their lot.

Then Buzz says, "If we lived here we'd for sure get to ride the bus to school!"

Me- "Buzz, if we lived here you wouldn't go to your school. You would have to go to a new school, with new friends and new teachers."

Buzz- "Nuhuh! NO WAY are we moving HERE! I AM NOT going to a new school!"

Rub- "If we moved to Texas we'd take the bus for sure!"

JC- "Why Texas Rub?"

Rub- "So I can own a handgun silly."

Niiiice!

Later we were having "John Wayne Movie Sunday" and Rub says, "I can't be John Wayne because he's got a lasso and I don't have one."

Me- *mouthed to JC with raised eyebrows*- "A lasso? This boy is somethin' else."

JC- "You're a smart boy Rub."

Rub-"Well more or less."

I'm starting to wonder about this boy. A few weeks ago we had lunch with my mom at her office. Her desk is behind a large glass window that separates her from the lobby. Rub and Dub were in the lobby watching a movie while mom and I visited. When I looked through the window to check on them Rub passed his hand over his face in what I recognized as sign language, but could not remember what it meant.

Me- Hey Rub is that sign language?

Rub- Yes

Me- Mommy doesn't know what that means.

Rub- *flirty grin* "beautiful"

Me and mom in chorus- "awwww"

That's my boy!!

I'll Make The List, You Check It Twice

It's been rumored that I died, or at least that my blog died. Not true, we are alive and kickin'! Well kinda. My computer kicked the bucket, my vacuum died, and I haven't had time during the day to blog because I have been picking up every little piece of sand, popcorn and lint from my carpet by hand been just plain busy and at night I don't have access to JC's computer because he's home from work and thinks he should get to use his computer, imagine that. I was hoping to be able to get a laptop for Christmas but I had to buy a new vacuum instead. JC said something about "Cleanliness is next to...blah, blah, yackity smakity...." anyway no new laptop for me. You can mourn for me now, even though I am still alive, I feel as though I have died. My dreams of blogging from bed and of having my online recipe book open on the counter in the kitchen while I cook have been crushed! Smashed into little bits, that I will have to vacuum up with my new vacuum. *sniff, sniff* Santa if you are reading this, I still believe in you. I have been wonderfully good and sweet this year most of the time, except when I wasn't. I would like a new laptop for Christmas. That's all, just a laptop. Oh and some new perfume, it's called Inspiration. That's it. Just a laptop, and new perfume, and a new LBD, because I ate too many chocolate donuts to wear my old black dress my old back dress shrunk two sizes. That's all. Just three things. A laptop, inspiration and a new dress with some new heels and pearls...maybe I should just mail you my list. You're still at the North Pole right? Thanks Santa, I'll be waiting.

Driving While Texting Could Be Sexting

The reasons one should not drive and hold two different texting conversations at the same time...hypothetically speaking of course.

To make for easier reading we will call the parties involved Kiwi, Mel and Carver, purely hypothetical mind you.

Conversation #1 takes place between Kiwi and Mel. Conversation #2 takes place between Kiwi and Carver. Both conversations take place simultaneously while Kiwi is stopped at various red lights in town while trying to make a dent in the never ending to do list with a 4 and 5 year old in tow.

Conversation #1

Mel: I am putting together the packets tonight.
Kiwi: Do you want help?

Conversation #2

Kiwi: Are you listening to Groove 99.3?
Carver: Yes, why?

Conversation #1

Mel: Yeah, I know it's my job, but yes.
Kiwi: No problem. I can help.

Conversation #2

Kiwi: Who sings that song?
Carver: What song?

Conversation # 1

Mel: What time do you want to put them together?
Kiwi: I wanna sex you up...
*wait, uh oh, Noooo, Noooo Nooo!*
Here is where "hypothetically" of course Kiwi's face would turn bright red and she would feel like her face was a blazing inferno. She would frantically try to dial Mel's phone to tell her not to read that text. In her frantic, dying of embarrassment state it would take three attempts to finally dial correctly.

Mel: HUH?
Kiwi was obviously too late.

Phone conversation:

Mel: Please tell me that was sent to the wrong person. Please tell me it was meant for your husband.

Kiwi: It so was suppose to go to Carver, but it really was very innocent. Honestly, I was not sexting him. I just want to know who sings that song. I know out of context it looks really bad, but it really was very innocent I promise. I am so dying of embarrassment right now! I hate this new phone, who's crazy idea is it to be able to text more than one person at a time.

And that folks is why we don't text anything that can be taken out of context, we don't hold more than one texting conversation at a time, and we don't drive while texting.

Hook Ya

Really, really embarrassing story involving me coming soon. Stay tuned. Now I am off to write the speech I am suppose to give in three hours.