Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Setting Off The Metal Detectors

Look who can't pass airport security.



A couple of weeks ago Vootz got part of his braces on. He chose green and red for his bands for Christmas. He goes in a a couple of weeks to get some more of them put on and an appliance to help spread out his bite. It all just sounds painful.

Speaking of painful, this little monster came home from school on Friday with strep throat.



And being the compassionate, generous boy that he is, shared with these two, who after a trip to the doctor this morning are now home. Sick, whiny, short tempered, yet still bouncing off my walls.




I just picked up this one from kindergarten and his cheeks are nice and toasty warm, so I imagine I will be back to the doctor in the morning. He has an appointment Friday morning to get his second flu shot. He has been scheduled for his second flu shot 3 times now and has been sick every time.



You've probably noticed the layout has changed a bit. I needed to change it up a bit. I am getting old and could not read the white on black anymore. I just thought that the new color scheme might be more soothing, a more relaxing atmosphere if you will. Do you like it? I am not sure I do, but until I find something better this will do.

Monday, December 6, 2010

It's a Conspiracy

Okay, a few things to talk about tonight.

First, I have been caffeine free (again) for almost two weeks. Yay Me!!! BUT IT IS TOTALLY KILLING ME!! To start with until today, I hadn't run since November 13th. I had to spend a week recovering from my 1/2 marathon, then I got the flu and I am just starting to feel human again. Not having caffeine AND not being able to run...I have been CR-ANKY MOMMA! But aside from all of that...Coke is taunting me. You heard me first it's Yahoo stalking my blog being all high and mighty telling me I don't NEED a bucket of licorice, and NOW, NOW it's COKE. Taunting me I tell you. Every website I went to today had a Diet Coke ad. EVERY. SINGLE. ONE!! One even had this really cool animated one that showed the fizzy, bubbly goodness inside a glass dripping with condensation. How's a girl suppose to be strong when she is bombarded with temptation like that? My friend Karrie is trying to be strong too, because she thinks it makes her more anxious and irritable. So together we will be strong. Unless we are eating cheeseburgers or pizza (we both agree soda is a must with those foods), we will be strong.

So I planned this weeks dinner menu tonight. Tuesday-Cheeseburgers, Wednesday-BBQ Chicken Pizza, Thursday-Leftover Cheeseburgers, Friday- Pepperoni Pizza, Saturday Leftover Cheeseburgers and Pizza. Is that even possible? IS there such thing as "leftover" Cheeseburgers and Pizza? I don't think that has ever happened at my house.

Moving on. I had a huge yard bird in my fridge that I really needed to cook. Problem is we are not big on yard bird around here and since Thanksgiving just passed, we really have had our fill for the year. I couldn't stand for it to go to waste but really didn't want to just do another roasted bird. So I set out on a quest to find a different way to cook up the gobbler. I have had them traditional, deep pit, Cajun and even fried. They were all pretty good for turkey, but I don't have a pit and I don't have a fryer or even a rotisserie big enough so they were out. I do however have a traditional Weber Kettle BBQ Grill. So I BBQ'd it. The whole turkey. On the grill. I used some mesquite wood chips so it had a nice subtle smokiness to it. It was moist and tender. It was DELICIOUS!



This picture is before it is all the way finished. It got a nice deep brown all over. The skin was crispy and the meat inside was sooo juicy.

Friday, November 19, 2010

Yahoo Is Stalking My Blog

When I booted up my computer tonight Yahoo threw this article at me. In case you don't have time to read the whole article, let me help you find my point of contention. Here in paragraph 9...

4. 12-Pound Crates of Navel Oranges

Sure, it only costs $11.99, but it's not such a good deal if you end up throwing away half the fruit. Same goes for the package of six hearts of romaine lettuce, and the 3-pack of whipped heavy cream (240 servings) unless you're, say, hosting a sleepover for your child's entire soccer team. And their opponents. Teri Gault, founder of TheGroceryGame.com, which helps shoppers save on food, says that when it comes to produce, it's often more cost-effective to shop at your local supermarket and combine coupons with seasonal specials. Also avoid Costco's candy aisle -- do you really need a 5 pound bucket of licorice twists?

Did you catch it? Here let me help you some more...Read the very last sentence in that paragraph. Can you believe it? The nerve. YES! YES, I DO NEED a 5 pound bucket of licorice twists! Who are you to judge me Yahoo? Oh, and it's obvious that you are stalking my blog, writing about licorice just mere hours after I posted about having a 5 pound bucket of licorice. Coincidence? I think not! It's on Yahoo. Oh, It is so on!

PS...Hey food pyramid people, did you notice how licorice twists were mentioned in the produce paragraph? See I told you it was a fruit, even Yahoo is smart enough to figure that out.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Catching Up

WOW! Where does the time go?

In September we made a quick trip to Utah for JC's granny's funeral. We were all sick with a nasty cold. We got to have dinner and a nice, but too short, visit with our very good friends. She is an excellent photographer and had we not all been sick and miserable we would have stuck around another day and let her take our Christmas pictures. If you are in the southern Idaho/ Northern Utah area and need some gorgeous shots, look her up.

We took the boys to Disneyland for the first time with some of JC's family. I woke them all up early and told them to hurry and get dressed because we had to take dad to LA to look at a truck. I got a lot of sass and, "Why didn't we do that on Saturday?" and "Can't we have a babysitter?" But I finally got them loaded up and we drove about three miles before JC pulled over and told me I had to drive because he needed to sleep. Of course, because number one: I HATE to drive, number two: I hate to drive in bad weather and it was pouring rain and then very foggy, number three: I HATE LA traffic, number four: JC is the worst back seat driver ever, okay my mom is worse (sorry mom), but still he complains about everything I do, and number five I wanted to video tape the boys as we pulled into Disneyland and JC doesn't know how to use the video camera. Number five didn't turn out that bad though because much to my disappointment the boys reaction was very much lacking in the excitement department. It went something like this:

Vootz "Are we at Disneyland?"
Me "Ummm Yeah!"
Boys "Cool." Notice I did not use an exclamation point there. Seriously a boring response.


Dub was pretty disappointed he was too short to ride Indiana Jones but we all still had a great time.



The boys had great parent teacher conferences and their report cards were wonderful. Vootz's teacher is great and so perfect for him.



Buzz's teacher teared up when she was talking about how wonderful he is.



Rub's teacher has done the impossible. He is reading and she said he is doing great and is a great kid. She is doing fantastic, remember this is the kid I thought was going to flunk out of kindergarten just because he likes to play mind games. He doesn't play them with her. She has a reputation for being the "mean first grade teacher", but Rub LOVES her! He is doing awesome!



Dub's teacher loves him and had this to say about his quarterly test...
Mrs. M- "Dub what's your address? Where do you live?
Dub- "The Batcave"
Mrs. M- "When is your birthday?"
Dub- "It's already passed."
My thoughts...What a little stink!

All I have to say is my boys teachers are A-MAZING!!! Love them! Appreciate them (especially after a week of independent study to go to Utah)! They are the BEST!

In October I ran a 5k (that's 3.1 miles for the conversion challenged) in 32 minutes. Last Saturday I ran a half marathon (13.1 miles) in 2 hours 35 minutes. Planning a 10k (6.2miles) in January, yes, I realize that is backwards to run a half then go back down to a 10k but that's the way I roll and I need the 10k t-shirt, it just doesn't feel complete to have the 5 and 1/2 without the 10. Maybe a full marathon (26.2 miles) in March.

Yes, I am wearing a Fila top with Nike bottoms, Asics shoes, and even some Underarmor and Champion... got a problem with it? JC does. This drives him CRAZY! He is very Nike loyal and very against multi-brand wearing at the same time. Hey, they aren't paying me to advertise for them, I will mix and match what ever brands I want...as long as I have a hair ribbon to match.

I think it is WRONG WRONG WRONG that it is the middle of November and I wore shorts, a t-shirt and flip flops all day and was still sweating.

JC's family will be coming here for Thanksgiving. STRESS!!!

I really need to do the dairy free, caffeine free diet, but I always was a hard head who never did what the doctors said, why start now.

I cleaned my house today and it lasted twelve and half minutes. Then I hid in the office with a huge chocolate covered carmel apple and a diet Pepsi and cried.



Vootz gets his braces on in two weeks. I told him I think this weekend we should feast on carmel apples, hot tamales, sour patch kids because he won't be able to after he gets his braces on.
Vootz- "Mom, I am getting braces, not you."
Me- "So no chocolate donuts?"
Vootz- "You're not even suppose to have chocolate donuts OR carmel. What do chocolate donuts have to do with braces anyway?"
Me- "Dude, you're such a trader!"
Vootz- "I would like a king size Snickers though."

Yesterday I ate:

Breakfast- Diet Dr. Pepper
Lunch- Licorice
Snack- Licorice
Dinner-Dill pickle
Dessert-Licorice
Snack-Chocolate Covered Carmel Apple
When I finally came off my sugar high, I slept really well. Do pickles count as a vegetable? Apples are good for you, an apple a day keeps the doctor away.

I think I should do a sugar detox. But I will have to wait until the bucket-O-licorice that is in my car is gone. Maybe I should go get it out and finish it off so I can start tomorrow. Eating a bucket of licorice by yourself in two days is probably not a good idea. Three days should be okay though, right?

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Like Washing Your Car

So tonight there was suppose to be a 30% chance of rain and scattered thunderstorms. According to weather.com they were not suppose to hit my zip code until 9pm. Now where we are when they say 30% chance of rain that usually means we might get two or three drops if we spit real hard and thunderstorms here (as in RIGHT HERE), haha that is funny. They are rare, they are fast, the are WEAK! This afternoon I wanted to run. I NEEDED to run. I was beginning to get a little claustrophobic and needed to breathe. I looked out the window and immediately knew that I could run, but breathing would be out of the question until some rain fell to settle the air. So I waited impatiently, getting antsier and antsier as the minutes ticked by. Still no rain but it would be getting dark soon so I laced up and headed out. My warm up walk, no rain. 1/2 mile drip...drop hmm maybe that was rain. 1 mile drip, drip, drip ahh refreshing. 1 1/2 miles flash 1.2.3.4 BOOM! Umm, little close. 2 miles flash 1.2.3 BOOOOM! Okay, running a little faster. 2 1/2 miles torrential down pour! Running ALL OUT!! Rounding the corning to home....nothing, no more lightning, no more rain, no more energy. Soaked through, squishy shoes, dripping mascara...laughing kids, but still I feel great! I liked running in the rain. The whole lightning being so close while I am outside with headphones on and soaking wet, not so much. Maybe if it was 8 or 9 counts away it might be cool, but not 3. Nothing like a hard run to make it rain; nothing like a hard rain to make you run.

He Started It

Once upon a time a husband said something that made his wife really, really, really mad. The wife had two options. Option one would involve a lot of clean up including scrubbing the frying pan and that is something she already had enough of. So she went with option two, which was leave and leave as fast as she could. Since she could not find her keys she laced up her tennis shoes and ran. She ran and ran and ran until all her anger turned to tears and her tears to regret and sorrow and regret and sorrow to forgiveness and humility. After she had a long talk with herself and another long talk with God, she headed home. When she came back home that hot June afternoon, soaked in sweat and exhausted so exhausted she could no longer hold a frying pan, much less swing it she plopped down in her office chair, kicked off her shoes and noticed it. She felt good. Not just good, but GREAT! She was hot, sweaty, stinky and gross. She was exhausted and sore. Her mind was clear and calm and she was happy. The rest of that week was rough emotionally and she "ran away" a lot. Not that she was running away from her problems, but that she was running away from distractions so she could solve her problems. Before she knew it she was addicted.

One day she signed herself and her friends up for a 5k run. They ran and did great and felt great. She came home and immediately signed up for two more races. Then she worked on her resume, because addictions are pricey. The End.

Friday, October 1, 2010

WARNING: Lack of Chocolate Donuts Causes Brain Loss

I've lost my mojo. I have sat down to blog and I type and delete, type and delete. I don't know why, but I am in a serious writing funk. Maybe I have sweated out all my wit running in the morning. Maybe I haven't had enough diet Pepsi to get the juices flowin', maybe it is chocolate donut deprivation. I am certain lack of chocolate donuts has to have some ill effect on something...I know it has had an effect on the scale. I have lost a little bit of weight, chocolate donut deprivation must cause loss of brain matter, hence causing loss of mojo. That's gotta be it! I lost the brain matter (which makes the scale say one thing when my jeans clearly say another) which causes lack of mojo, which causes slow blog traffic, which causes harping from friends to update the blog, which causes stress, which causes need for chocolate donuts, which I can't have, which causes more stress, more brain loss....It's a vicious cycle people, vicious I tell you! The End.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Monday, September 6, 2010

Dub Turned Five...a while ago.

I am such a slacker mom! Dub's birthday came and went and I didn't even post about it, didn't take pictures...nothin'! First day of school...again slacker mom, no pictures. Forgive me readers for I have slacked...It's been a month since my last post. Today, Dub's birthday. Tomorrow, first day of school.

Pregnant with Dub. I was sick the first 6 months, had a broken foot the 5th month and sciatica problems the last 3 months. By the time I made up the weight I lost from being sick I had only gained 5 pounds total. I wore my normal clothes my whole pregnancy except the very end I wore maternity shirts because they were more comfortable.

Dub had to fight hard to live when he was born. He came early and too quickly. He was drowning in the fluid that didn't get compressed from his lungs because he was so small and came out so fast. They didn't place him in my arms like they did the other boys. They were rushing around him, and calling in more doctors and nurses. No one talked to me, no one explained what was wrong. I was in shock. I just stared at JC and he just stared back. They vacuumed out his lungs and he let out a little whine, not even a real cry. When I finally got to hold him he just lay in my arms sleeping. He would not eat, he would not wake up, he did not cry. They poked his foot, he didn't even whimper. They tried to get an O2 level on him and it wouldn't register. They took his blood, and he didn't even flinch. They took him away from me and rushed him into the NICU with a swarm of doctors and nurses behind them. No one told me what was wrong. No one explained anything. I just cried. Finally my OB came in and told me I could go see him after they got him stabilized. I asked him why they took him and what was wrong. He was angry. Not at me, but at the fact no one had bothered to even talk to me about what was happening. Angry with the staff, and I think angry with himself for assuming one of the 8 nurses and two other doctors had talked to me. He had been busy delivering the placenta and just figured the neonatal doctor or nurses had explained what happened. The neonatal doctor was called in to be present for the birth. He was there the WHOLE time with his nurses. No one even spoke a word to me.
Dub had to stay in the NICU. He had an IV, a feeding tube and artificial lungs breathing for him. He was using all the energy he had, just to live. I pumped and delivered my milk every two hours. I wasn't allowed to hold him right away and when I finally got to it was in a tangle of wires and tubes I had to be extra careful not to pull out or kink. I came in once to sit with him and the wind was knocked out of me and my knees became weak...I hadn't been warned about the IV being moved to his head. That was my last visit before I was discharged to go home, to go home with out my baby. I felt lost, incomplete, heartbroken, like I had failed. I was probably suffering from a little PPD at the time but I felt like my world was caving in. The only way I was able to walk out was knowing I was leaving him in the hands of a friend, who had asked to switch babies with another NICU nurse so he would be in her care. Thank you Donna, you are wonderful.

After Dub came home, he spent the first year of his life in a pouch, strapped to my chest. I used the "oh, he's nursing" excuse ALOT, even if he wasn't. I didn't want to risk him catching the flu, or even a cold from anyone because the doctors told me that if he caught them he would likely get pneumonia and possible have to be hospitalized again.




Dub is the perfect fourth child. When he gets tired, he finds a spot and goes to sleep. When he is hungry he asks nicely if he can get himself a snack. He plays quietly on his own or with his brothers. He loves to draw pictures and will sit at the table for hours with markers and crayons. He is super smart. He likes to write words and he always sounds them out first and then asks if he got it right. He is learning to read and loves books. His vision is terrible, sorry about that Dub. He looks super cute in his little glasses. He is a friend to everyone. His teacher told me he is very polite. He LOVES batman and Indiana Jones. He is super tough. When he gets hurt he is quick to claim that he is alright, even if I know he really is not. Example: One day I heard the toilet seat slam shut and he quickly exclaimed, "I'm alright, nothing broke!" Then I heard him wash his hands and he went about playing. TWO DAYS later I was clipping his finger nails and noticed the tip of his finger was HUGE, PURPLE and Oozing. When I asked him what happened he said, "Oh, I just smashed it in the toilet." I NEVER ONCE even heard him say ouch. He lost his nail. On the play ground at school he tripped and landed on his face. He got a little scratch by his eye where his glasses smashed into him, buggered up his glasses pretty good, but from what they told me he didn't cry, just said, "I fell down, but I'm alright." He adores his dad, but not as much as his dad adores him. His favorite foods are Kraft American cheese slices, bananas, and donuts. I still love to cradle him up in my arms and kiss all over his face, and he still tolerates it...for now. Happy Birthday Dub! We love you!

Friday, August 6, 2010

Run Kiwi... Run!!!

It takes a special kind of crazy to get out of bed and run at 6 am....I do not have that special kind of crazy. I have tried twice now to run in the morning and both times I thought I'd rather be hit by a train. I can run in the evening, no problem. Why can't I run in the morning? Let's break this down shall we...

MORNING GOODS: Cool temps, beautiful sunrise, serene, peaceful, not exhausted from my day, not re-eating a whole BBQ Chicken pizza, kids are sleeping peacefully so my house will still be standing when I return.

MORNING BADS: It's morning.

EVENING GOODS: It's not morning, I can't kill them if I am not home.

EVENING BADS: It's 100+ degrees, air quality sucks, It's 100+ degrees, traffic is horrible (IOW- too many people to witness the freak show), it's been a long day, It's 100+ degrees, re-eating a whole BBQ chicken Pizza, Did I mention it's 100+ degrees? I have too much adrenaline pumping through me to get to sleep at a reasonable hour, My kids are destroying my house, I could be spending time with my husband...this list can go on forever!!!

Ummm...I changed my mind, It takes a special kind of crazy to run at night and I am very special.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Smarshmallows 101

Here we go...

The Cast of Characters


Corn Syrup, Sugar, Egg White, Vanilla, Unflavored Gelatin, Water, Powdered Sugar, Brown Paper (like a grocery sack), Candy Thermometer.


Cut the large sides off your grocery sack. Keep both large sides and give the rest to the kids with some markers and stamps to keep them entertained for the next five minutes...if you're lucky. Put one inside up on cookie sheet. Set the other aside for tomorrow.


Dissolve two packages unflavored gelatin in 1/2 cup cold water.


In a heavy duty sauce pan stir together over high heat, 1/3 cup water, 1 cup sugar and 1 cup corn syrup. Stirring just until sugar is dissolved. Then put your thermometer in and watch the magic happen...and I do mean WATCH because if you walk away you might see the magic of 9-1-1 when your kitchen catches fire.


Continue to let your sugar syrup goodness boil until it reaches softball stage (or 240 degrees) on your candy thermometer. Then take it off the heat and stir in the dissolved gelatin. Now walk away and let this sit for 10 minutes.


While we are waiting our ten minutes separate one egg. Put the white in your mixer and whip it like crazy until stiff peaks form. Find something creative to do with your yolk. Stir 2 teaspoons vanilla into your syrup and then drizzle the syrup into the egg whites slowly while whipping on high speed.


Now whip it, whip it good. Sorry I couldn't help myself. Whip it up on high until your marshmallows look like this. They should form a little peak like this and then tip over. YUM! Resist the urge to stick your fingers in now...trust me you will make a sticky mess.


Instead, spread out your gooey, smarshmallowy, yumminess on your paper like this. Now comes the hard part. Walk away. Yep, walk away for at least eight hours or over night. Now would be a great time to make some graham crackers. Don't worry, we will cover that soon.


After the eight hours, sift powdered sugar all over the top. Then cover it with the other part of your sack, inside toward the mallows. Then Flip it all over quickly onto another cookie sheet.


Now with a clean wet cloth mop the back of the paper that the marshmallow is stuck to.


Next, peel back the paper, wetting it as necessary to unstick it. Then sift more powdered sugar over the new top.


Now cut them into pieces and toss them around in more sugar so they don't stick together.

There ya go. Homemade "smarshmallows"! Go grab your graham crackers and chocolate quick! Enjoy.

Homemade Smarshmallows

1 C granulated sugar
1 C corn syrup
1/3 C water
2 packets (2 Tbl) unflavored gelatin
1/2 cup cold water
2 tsp. vanilla
1 egg white
1-2 C powdered sugar

Saturday, July 3, 2010

One done, Two Going, One left.

Ugh! Vomit. Enough said.

Crock Pot Cake

With out realizing it my good friend Karrie over at Mules N Honey gave me a challenge. For those of you who don't know, Karrie has been living in a 320 square foot RV with her husband and FOUR kids for like 5 years now while they are building their house. Karrie asked me the other day if I had ever baked a cake in my crock pot. She had tried and didn't have the best results so she wanted to know if I had any hints. Now I am sure you are asking yourself, "Why on earth would you want to bake a cake in a crock pot and not just use your oven?" Well for starters, Karrie has no oven. Second, using an oven makes your house like, HOT!! Three, why not? I had heard of it being done, but had never tried it myself, which is surprising since I am a huge crock pot fanatic. I have been tossing this unspoken "challenge" around in my head for a few days now. Well today I did it. I baked a lemon cake in my crock pot and it is ....GOOOOD! Incredibly moist and yummy. Mine didn't turn out super pretty because when I was inverting it onto my plate, we had an emergency, so I had to kinda drop it all and it all fell to pieces. Also I have a hot spot in my crock that always burns everything, so I had a three inch span of the very outer part of the cake that got too done on one side. Even with all that, the cake was a hit. I just served up the pieces drizzled with a little glaze and a squirt of whipped cream. Here is what I did:

Lemon Crock Pot Cake

1 Box of lemon cake mix (or flavor of you choice)
1 Box of instant pudding (which I failed to use because I was interrupted)
8 Ounces Sour Cream
4 Eggs
3/4 cup oil
1 Cup water

Mix all ingredients in mixer on low for thirty seconds. Scrape the sides and bottom of the bowl down and mix on med/high speed for two minutes. Pour batter into a greased crock. (I just used PAM) Turn crock pot on high. Cover with lid, vented very slightly to help let out condensation but keep in the heat. Cook 3-4 hours on high or 6-8 on low until a toothpick inserted in the middle comes out mostly clean, carefully rotating crock half way through for more even cooking. (My crock is oval so I rotated once, if you have a round crock rotate a quarter turn every 45 minutes or so). When done remove crock from base, take off lid and let sit for fifteen minutes before trying to invert it onto your serving platter. (Or skip that all together and serve from the crock)

Glaze:

1 Cup powdered sugar
Juice from 1/2 a lemon
Two drops almond extract (because I like it, use vanilla if you like)

Stir all ingredients together until smooth, you may need to add a couple drops of water if it is too thick, or more sugar if it is too thin. Drizzle over warm (NOT HOT) cake.

The cake will be a little darker on the edges and very moist on top and the top will not brown like it will in the oven. Also, my crock is a 7 quart Rival. It is missing one and a half of its three legs, and it is OLD, and scribbled on with sharpy and the handle is missing... so if my 'ol pot can do it so can yours! If you are using a smaller diameter crock, you might want to only use part of your batter so the cake cooks all the way through without burning on the outside. Next time I will try my smaller one and let you know how it goes, it is currently holding the baked beans I made yesterday for tomorrow's Happy Birthday Michael and America party that will not be happening now that we are having tummy troubles.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

The Handstanding Shark

On Monday JC and I took the boys swimming. I have been having trouble getting Rub to try swimming without his floaties, so I assigned JC the task of getting the kid to swim sans floaties. So JC says to him, "Hey Rub look what I can do?" Then he went under water and stood on his hands. Duh! Why didn't I think of that. The boy lives upside down. So Rub says, "Hey lemme try" to which JC told him he would have to take off his floaties first. So off they came without a second thought and down he went, and came back up with a huge smile on his face. Then JC stepped out toward me in the middle of the pool and said, "Hey Rub, I'm gonna have your momma." This time he hesitated a little, but only until JC was within reach of me then he was off like a little shark. Pushed up right between us and pushed JC away. JC said, "See Rub, you don't need floaties." and that was that.


This is how Rub eats his lunch.


This is how Rub just hangs around.

I took the boys swimming Tuesday. Rub jumped right in and started swimming all around the shallow end of the pool and jumping after the rings. Dub said he wanted to swim with out floaties too, so off they came and off he went like a little fish. They are not by any means strong swimmers yet, but if they fell in I am pretty sure they would be able to swim to the edge. By the end of our swim today I had Rub swimming in the deep end with me. The big boys are trying to get him to dive. He tried a couple of times and might just have it mastered by the end of the summer.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Still Waiting on My Radioactive Super Powers

When I went to Santa Ynez for my Uncle Van's funeral in April I got bit by something on my left shin. Then I got a rash all over the front of my shin. After 8 weeks of itching and misery I finally gave up on the rash clearing up on its own and went to the doctor. I have also had a suspicious looking something on my neck for several weeks so I wanted the Doc to look at it too. He grabbed a pair of forceps and a scalpel and sliced off a nice chunk of the thing on my neck and dropped it into a specimen container.

Next he asked me the story about my leg. Then he lectured me for not coming in sooner. Mentioned antibiotics and that it might have been a tick bite and Lyme's disease blah blah I tuned out at this point because Lyme's disease is like a power switch to my brain, been there, done that and didn't even get a t-shirt for it. Then he stuck me with a needle and pumped my shin full of lidocaine. Then he took the deepest punch biopsy I have ever seen, slapped a band aid on me and gave me hug and told me he would call me with the results in two weeks. Oh and he was sending me to the dermatologist for a full skin cancer work up....tuning out blah blah...Can't hear you...blah blah blah...not listening. Then he said, how's your heart doing? I said, "Great, full of love. I have the best family and friends ever." Then he cocked his head to the side, gave it a shake and put his hands on his hips and said, "SIT!" and proceeded to look up my records from my last cardio visit. After a few Hmms, umms, uh-huhs and tisk tisks he said, "Did you have any pop today?"
I love that he calls it pop, it makes me smile. "Um, well you see I was up at 4 am this morning to go to Fresno and..."
Again, he shakes his head, "how much?"
"Well you see it was a long day and..."
"NO MORE POP!"
"I can't have any dairy and I can't have any 'pop' so where is the joy? All my favorite food groups ripped away."
"You realize 'pop' and chocolate donuts are not food groups right?"
I smile, he knows me so well. I miss working with him. "No, but they should be."
He gives me another hug and tells me to behave, hands me a stack of stickers for the boys and disappears into the next room. I really have the bestest Doc EVER, except that he forgets I bleed like crazy and that band aids give me rashes, or maybe he just figured whats one rash on top of another.
His assistant came in and shook her head at me, I wanna say "WHAT!?" But I don't because I love her and she has gauze and adhesive free wrap in her hands. She takes off my band aids and cleans me up. We have a good laugh at how Doc treats us (his assistants past and present) like his own kids, and we both know how lucky we are to get to have him as our Doc.

I Have A Double Digit Kid

I missed blogging about Vootz on his birthday because I was dealing with more death in my family. So I will catch up now. On April 29 Vootz turned 10! Double Digits Baby!!




I was so excited when I found out I was pregnant with Vootz. I figured I was pregnant and I would eat what ever I craved and I didn't care if I gained a hundred pounds I would lose it. I had always been pretty tall and thin, losing the baby weight would be cake. DUMB! I ate Los Tacos everyday on my way to work because that is what I craved. I ate mexican food for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Could not get enough of it. I gained about 60 pounds. I was HUGE!!! I was two weeks over due and miserable. The doctor induced me at 10 pm on the 28th. I went from 0 contractions to WOW! MY BODY IS RIPPING TO SHREDS FROM THE INSIDE OUT!!!! With in five minutes. I went in to the hospital planning on no drugs, no epidural. After five minutes I was begging for drugs. I could not have an epidural because I was not dilated, so they gave me Demerol. I very rarely take even Tylenol, so Demerol knocked me through a loop or two except when a contraction would hit...then it was like they had given me nothing at all. After contracting hard all night at 6am I was still only at a 3. But a 3 was enough to get me an epidural so I was okay with that. After they gave me my epidural I fell asleep for about an hour until my water broke. I called JC ( I had sent him home after they admitted me, so I would not kill him ) I told him my water broke and he needed to come back. At 7:30 I was crossing my legs trying to keep Vootz in until JC showed up. At 8 JC walked through the door. At 8:03 Vootz was born. I pushed twice and told JC to shut up once which he is still mad about to this very day. I asked him what took so long to get there and he said he thought it would be a while so he finished watching Scooby Doo and took a shower.

Vootz weighed 8 pounds 10 ounces. He was quite honestly a pain in the rump. He was impossible to get to sleep, it took hours and as soon as I would lay him down he would wake up. He HATED to be swaddled. The nurses would swaddle him and lay him down and he would scream like a banshee. I would unswaddle him and get him to sleep and the nurses would come back in and wrap him back up and this went on and on until I left.

He adored his Buppa Dude (JC's Dad) and still cries and misses him terribly. He always wanted things "towed up". Anything that could be tied to anything, he wanted to "tow it up". He is very smart when he puts forth the effort, but gets easily frustrated. He loves to read about WWII, baseball and our family history. He can build anything with Legos and yesterday built me a picture frame with a hinged stand. He is a hard worker inside and out. He is very sensitive and compassionate. He has a huge imagination and loves to play outside and build things. He loves music and John Wayne movies. He can tell you anything you want to know about the Titanic. He loves to read himself to sleep, but it usually takes a few hours. He is still impossible to get to sleep. He loves to sleep in. He is a great swimmer and diver. He loves his brothers and takes great care of them. He is very much a homebody. He gets upset at the thought of going anywhere without at least one brother to comfort him.

This year he placed in his classroom science fair and got to move onto the school wide science fair. He made Honor Roll 3 of the 4 quarters and got to have a sleepover with Buzz at Papa's mountain house. He wants to learn to shoot guns and drive. He is not sure what he wants to do when he grows up. I love you Vootzky!

Ps. He might have been switched at birth because the boy has the best tan you have ever seen on a caucasian boy. He also has a TON of super thick blond leg and arm hair. I also pulled a two inch long blond hair from his cheek last week. HEAVEN HELP ME!

Look Who's 8!!




This little ham is 8 years old today!!!

When I was pregnant with Buzz I was very, very sick. I lost weight and was on IV's a lot. I didn't have to wear maternity clothes until I was eight months pregnant. I never had to wear maternity pants with him, just rubber banded my jeans closed. After I lost so much weight in the first six months I gained it all back and then the day I delivered I was only five pounds heavier than when I started. I also took a nasty spill down a flight of cement stairs at my brother in laws apartment while carrying Vootz. My hip gave out and down I went. My doctor made me use a cane for the remainder of my pregnancy. Buzz was 7 pounds 14 ounces. He had really short white hair that stood straight up. That is why he got his nick name. He also had really bad reflux, so his name changed from Buzz to Bulimic Buzz. He was a great baby. He loved his swing, he would fall asleep mid crawl, mid bite, in the bath or whenever, wherever he wanted. He has always been very close with his dad.

Buzz has always been a great student and hates to miss school, even when he is really sick I have to force him to stay home. He makes friends easily. He loves to draw and make up his own books. He loves to play on the computer. He can use the paint program like nobodies business and kicks booty on their games, when one of his brothers or his mom get stuck on a level it's Buzz to the rescue. He is an early riser, no matter what time he went to bed, he will be up with or most times before the sun. He is very sensitive, compassionate, loving and timid. He will cry if you raise your voice at him and easily gets his feelings hurt. He is the first to try to make someone feel better when they are sad or sick. He use to be extremely afraid of dogs, or any animal for that matter and would not even come outside if the neighbors dog was out. He is incredibly funny and has me in stitches most of the day. He wants to be a video game designer and artist when he grows up.

We always celebrate his birthday on the 4th and we always use sparklers as his candles. His birthday this year falls on the day our stake does baptisms, but Buzz didn't want to be baptized on his birthday so we will wait until the 31st of July instead. WE LOVE YOU BUZZ, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

Hot Enough To Fry An Egg

It's been HOT here. It has been 104 degrees. Now it gets way hotter than that here, sometimes 115, but what has been so bad about the heat this week is it has also been HUMID! We are a dry heat kind of state. We can handle the heat but when you throw in humidity we have a problem. This week we actually had a day that was 104 with 34% humidity. I thought I might suffocate.

The boys were watching Curious George this morning and George and "The Man in the Yellow Hat" made a sun oven out of a pizza box to cook their lasagna in when the power went out during a heat wave. So the boys came to me and said they wanted to make a lasagna in the sun with a pizza box. It took me a minute but I figured out what they were talking about and thought, hey why not, might as well make use of all that heat outside. Well aside from the fact, we don't have a pizza box or the stuff to make lasagna and it means I will have to go outside, away from the comfort of my A/C. So we went on a hunt for suitable boxes and all the supplies. I of course did not have everything we really should have had, but we made a solar oven out of what we had. It turned out pretty good. We tried to make bread in it, and it would have been good too, except I let it rise first and then it continued to rise too much in the oven and fell. So note to self, omit the second rise. I have been reading about them for a while and would like to have one, a nice one like a Sun Oven, not the cardboard one we made today. A Sun Oven is on my wish list. I think it is awesome to be able to cook in the dead of summer with out heating up my house and will try any method available to achieve a real dinner without turning on my kitchen oven.

I was slicing some of the homemade bread I made in the real oven for dinner tonight and Rub says, "I know mom, just one slice 'cause we gotta save some for our good friends Tizzo and JR."
I said, "Oh, really? Are they coming for a visit?"
He said, "Yup. Gonna come have some bread with us and then dad, and me are gonna play some green 2 with them."
Now I now most of you probably have no clue why this is so funny, so let me enlighten you. Tizzo and JR are friends of JC's. They have never met in person, they play on line video games together on the same team or clan as they are called. Tizzo lives in Arizona and JR lives in Indiana. My kids recognize all of the voices of JC's clan members. Listening to my kids talk about them, if you didn't know better, you would think they were their uncles of something.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Oh Mrs. McKee, I'm So Sorry

Dub conversation...pay attention to the principals name and how Dub says it...

Mom, why do you take me to school all the days?

Because wouldn't you miss your friends and Mrs. Mckee, Miss Hughes and Mr. Sentes if you didn't go to school?

Yes, but Mr. "Sentence" wasn't there today.

He wasn't?

Nope. Mr. "Sentence" had meetings today. So I couldn't be sent to his office today.

Ummm...have you been sent to his office before?

No. But if I was bad today I would have had to talk to Miss Hughes instead of Mr. Sentence.

You aren't bad at school are you?

No. Just sometimes I get in a little trouble.

Really? For what?

Sometimes my mouth forgets to how to be quiet.

Oh. Well let's try to remember how to be quiet from now on ok?

I didn't say me mom. I said my mouth*pointing to his mouth with both hands and over exaggerating the word.*


Sorry Mrs. Mckee, I am afraid you have your hands full.

Odds and Ends and New Things to Come

Yikes it's been awhile. I have been very busy lately. I have totally re-done the boys room to make room for lil Dub to have a real bed. He had a toddler bed that fit nicely at the end of the big boys bunk bed/trundle, but it broke, so he was using a toddler mattress on the floor. The only way to fit them all in their room was going to be to get rid of the bedroom set they had and replace them with two more compact metal framed bunk beds. What they had was a very heavy, bulky, wood bunk bed with trundle. Great furniture from This End Up that I have had and loved since I was a child. I really did not want to get rid of it so this was a big decision for me. Thankfully my mom took it to her house for visits from the grand kids. Yea Mom! I figured while I had the furniture out I should paint and clean the carpets and take down the bent up destroyed blinds and hang some curtains...specifically black out curtains! I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE black out curtains!! I took out everything including the doors and light, and painted, hung new curtains (all by myself I might add, had to use the drill and molly bolts and everything), built a nightstand (again, by myself), built the two new bunk beds (Okay, I didn't do this part my incredible brother in law and sister in law did...THANKS GUYS!), hung a new light...that actually works! (Okay I didn't really do that part either, because it takes a step ladder and deals with electricity both of which I am afraid of...THANKS JC!) Hung the doors back up (also by myself and while I was talking on the phone...I am the multi tasking queen!) So the boys camouflage room is almost finished, just a few more little things to do. They are way excited! I will post pictures as soon as it is ALL complete.

I have also been super busy in the kitchen. So far this summer I have canned strawberry jam, orange marmalade, apricot jam, cherries and chicken.


I have made so many loaves of bread I have lost track. Worked on my dutch oven baking skills.


Baked cookies, cupcakes, muffins, graham crackers, blackberry pies, beef pot pies and cakes. Yesterday I did something I have always wanted to try...I made my own marshmallows! They were mmmm very tasty! I have had several people ask me about the marshmallows and how to make them, so I will tell you....just not today, because I would like to be able to SHOW you how. I am a visual learner so to help all of my visual learning peeps out there I will make more mallows tomorrow and have step by step pictures. I have decided my blog needs a make over, just not sure what I am going to do with it. I do want to add a step by step recipe section I know that much. For today check out this website for some easy, yummy, pancakes using your food storage wheat. Made them for dinner tonight...they were a hit!

I have also been busy with the three big boys outta school and Dub in school. We have been spending a lot of time swimming so I can keep the kids sufficiently tired out. By the way have I told you how much I LOVE black out curtains?? LOVE THEM!! I have been able to put my exhausted kids to bed at 7ish and have them crash out almost immediately because their room is nice and dark, even though it is still very much day light outside. It has also helped keep their room and the hallway where the a/c thermostat is like 10 degrees cooler! Now I just need to get some for my room.

So much more to do this summer...
My sister in law just brought me over a lot more apricots to jam tomorrow.
Going to the temple on Friday with two of my best friends (my mother in law and best friend/PTC VP)
Potatoes and Carrots to can on Saturday
Step by Step Tutorials to work on
Blog over haul
Two boys to teach how to swim
Collect all my recipes written on scraps of papers, napkins, post its ...and put them in the computer and print out a book!
More sewing projects than I will ever accomplish in my lifetime.
My nieces toenails to paint
The rest of the house to paint
Oh the list goes on and on. Right now I will start with making me a s'mores...priorities people, priorities!

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Don't Shoot!

I am going to tell a story about the night I almost, coulda, shoulda, woulda, but didn't, get shot.

So I have this BFF and she is kind of, a little bit very OCD. (Sorry, I love you to bits and pieces but you are, and I know this is not news to you, so I don't feel too bad about saying it.) Tonight we will discuss her obsession with her garage door. It is only ever open long enough for her to drive in or out of the garage. I noticed it was open at about 6-ish the other night. I thought, Oh, she must have just gotten home. Then I drove by around 8-ish as I was headed to the store to pick up some...um carrots, yeah that's it carrots for that late night carrot craving, and it was open. So I called to say, "Hey just wanted to see what you were up to, by the way your garage is open are you headed out?" I got her voice mail. It says Hi this is "your BFF" somethin' somethin'. I am always tempted to say, No this is not my BFF, this is my BFF's voicemail, but I don't. Ope, where were we. Oh yes, I got her voicemail and left her a message. When I drove back by at 8:30-ish (I promise I am not a stalker, I have to pass her house to get out of the neighborhood) it was still open. So I called her...again (again not a stalker...much) and it went to voicemail...again. Something was clearly not right. She NEVER leaves her garage door open that long...especially not after dark and she NEVER ignores my calls...hardly ever. So I tucked in my children and headed over to check on her.

As I was leaving, I called again. Still no answer, so I left this message..."Hey, it's me and I have called you a few times and you are not answering and your garage door has been up all night so I am coming to check on you...DON'T SHOOT ME!!"

When I got to her house I went to the front door. All the lights were off inside. I knocked and no one answered. Naturally being female I begin thinking the worst. My thoughts went like this. She pulled in the garage and passed out in the car. I went in the garage and checked in the car. No BFF. ...or someone followed her home and kidnapped her from the garage *enter logic* she probably went somewhere with her parents and maybe she didn't realize the door didn't shut or something was in the way of it shutting and it came back up. Maybe she went in to tuck kids in bed and ended up falling asleep with them. I checked the garage door that leads inside...it's unlocked. Okay, she is home. She has to be. Went back to the front door and knocked again really loudly. No answer. Called again. No answer. Called her mom. No answer. Panicking now. Not sure what to do.

Options:

1. Hit the button to close the garage door and run and jump over the sensor like a ninja. Have I mentioned I am not much of a ninja? Yep, not a ninja. This is so not an option.

2. Hit the button that closes the garage door, go inside and let myself out the front door. Still doesn't solve the problem of, "Is she okay?"

3. Go inside and look for her. Pray she doesn't shoot me.

4. Go home and forget about it. Umm no, she'd kill me for sure.

Yes, I thought about ringing the door bell until she answered, but the mommy in me wouldn't do that, because it would wake up kids...and that is just NOT NICE! NOT NICE AT ALL! Yes, I realize had she shot me, that would probably wake up kids too, but I would rather take my chances.

Thought process as I pace back and forth from the front door to the garage door: Obviously I have no choice here, I have to go inside. Geeze...I'm gonna get shot. I'm gonna scare her to death and she's gonna shoot me. Okay, worst case scenario...She shoots me. I die and she wonders what the h e double hockey sticks I was doing in her house in the middle of the night. At least I won't have to do the dishes and laundry. Hmmmm...nope worser case scenario...She shoots me, I live. I have laundry and dishes x days incapacitated + what's already there = WORST CASE SCENARIO! Either way shot or not, she's probably gonna have to shampoo her carpets when this is all over.

Open door from garage to house. Calling out to her over and over again saying, It's just me, your friend who is randomly letting herself into your house in the middle of the night, please don't shoot me, just want to make sure you are ok, hello, please don't shoot, it's just me. Flip on the lights, head down the hall still calling out. Greeted by barking dogs. Ask the dogs where mommy is. Turn the corners at the same time to be standing in front of each other both freaked out! Hearts pounding, eyes wide, fists raised.

I explained to her why I was in her house in the middle of the night and I am not sure what freaked her out more, waking her up with the "someone is in my house" panic or the fact that she hadn't closed the garage. Anyway, all is well. The garage got closed I didn't have to worry all night and I didn't even get shot in the process...this time. Next time she will be ready because now she has moved the gun to a readily accessible location, and next time I will just ring the door bell and deal with momma fury that follows.

Monday, May 10, 2010

No. Owie.

For years I have complained to my doctor about how something is not right with me. I couldn't put my finger on any specific problem, but something, somewhere in me was wrong and it wasn't just in my head, I already know I am not quite right there. The doctor finally got tired of listening to me whine about it and decided, after he had run every other test in the book, to order an allergy panel. So I get an email from doc a couple days later. Low and behold I am allergic to milk. Anyone who knows me, knows milk is was just about my only food group. Unless of course you consider chocolate donuts or diet Pepsi food groups, WHICH I DO but have been unsuccessful in my attempts to convince the pyramid makers to see things my way. Also, those donuts...yep, contain milk!! Anyway doc says, "cut out ALL milk, milk products and milk byproducts for at least two weeks and then see how you feel. Be sure to read labels carefully!"

"Okay", says I! Thinking I will just have to cut out the milk, cheese and ice cream. How hard can that be? Well the no Breyers mint chip part might be a little difficult, but as long as it is a relatively low stress kinda time I should be okay. It's not a life threatening allergy. It's not as bad as a gluten or soy allergy. It's just milk. Then I look down and see the huge plate of Cajun Chicken Pasta in my lap, made with 2 cups of heavy cream. Guess I'll start tomorrow.

Day one: CRAP! What the heck can I eat??? EVERYTHING in my house contains milk! Bread, microwave popcorn, cereal, yogurt, Doritos, salad dressing, even the nasty dang hot dog contains milk!

Day two: This will get easier right? Dub's Heather brings over Hershey's thumbprint cookies. I might not starve. I eat around the "milk" chocolate kiss...after three cookies I remember cookies are made with butter! Well good ones are anyway, and these were goooood!! Okay, my two weeks will start tomorrow.

Day three: Made homemade milk free bread. Went shopping for milk alternatives. I've had the silk before. I like the chocolate one, but the plain and vanilla *shudders*. I could put chocolate Silk on my cereal, but because I have impressionable children who, I pray, eat better than their momma, I won't. Bought some vanilla Almond Breeze and chocolate Silk.

Day four: My Uncle crashes his plane and does not survive. Could REALLY use some pizza, chocolate donuts, Breyers mint chip, Doritos!! Can't have my comfort foods, so I opt for no food instead.

Getting use to this. Dropping weight. That alone could make this allergy worth it.

Head out of town for the funeral. Have to learn how to order my food. Toast dry. Eggs...scrambled?...nope they probably add milk. Over easy?...nope probably done in butter. Poached?...hopefully safe. Still not comfortable asking about how my food is prepared. Hope the bread is milk free. Bacon. Fruit. Diet Pepsi...yes, I know I could have had oj, but I was in bed at 1:00am and outta bed by 4:00am. Besides, that's the only comfort food I have left, leave me alone.

Several weeks pass...I think I have the hang of it. Feeling better than I have in years, maybe ever. Didn't know how bad I actually felt because I didn't know what feeling good was. My skin is clear. It's not dry and itchy. It's not breaking out. Haven't had any migraines. My stomach doesn't hurt (shhhh it. It was the milk, not the donuts and Doritos) You women know the pregnancy progression poster on the wall at the OB? You know the one that looks like the evolution poster? It shows a side view of what your body looks like as it progresses through the weeks of pregnancy....I use to look like the 20 weeks on a daily basis. Now I only look like...well not like 20 weeks, so that is progress right there. I have energy. I am sleeping really well at night and waking up early, ready to go...mostly. People notice the difference in me. I feel even better knowing it was not all just in my head.

Have an uh-oh kinda day. A slice of Pizza. A little Cake. Sick. Cramping tummy. Headache. Two days later, my face is a mess. I have been tired and grumpy. JC notices and asks, "what did you eat?" So was not worth it. I hope I remember this next time I am tempted. Need to take a note from my nephew (he can't have gluten). He sees "no, no" foods, even yummy ones like cake, and says, "No. Owie." Smart kid. I was wrong, this is as bad as a gluten allergy. Thankfully not life threatening like a nut or shellfish allergy though.

The heavens smile on me! I find a pretty good flavor of Doritos that don't contain milk. I replace my Breyer's with some sorbet...miss that creaminess, so I may have to try Lassen's for some dairy free ice cream. I hear they have a chocolate cherry one that is pretty good. Not missing my cheese bad enough yet to want to try vegan cheese. Found some vegan butter that's not too bad. Came up with a killer 10 grain bread recipe. Anyone know if they make vegan chocolate donuts? Just askin'.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Stolen E-mails

Okay...still no music but here is a little humor for your day. I stole it from an email my momma sent me. I cracked up at 20...the visual was just too much.



25 REASONS I OWE MY MOTHER

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .

"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL .
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY .
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING .
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?" or

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

And my favorite:

25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you “

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Dusting Down The Cob Webs

Yikes! It's a ghost town around here. Sorry about that. I have this little idiosyncrasy...I can't blog well with out music on my head phones to block out JC gaming and the boys fighting and the cat whining...life in general. My sound card died about a month ago and so even though I have things I want to blog about...I just can't. Well, not true. I can, but I won't, because it will stink like last weeks gym socks. Please don't give up on me. I will be back soon. To tide you over here is the Dub quote of the week....

"Mom, you should throw Rub away."

"Whaaat?"

"That's a cuzz he always bees 'custing, and has stinky toots and he always steals my turn."

"Hmm."

Monday, March 29, 2010

The Stone Ages

To help Vootz keep up on his work while his hand is in a cast he has been using a tape recorder. You know the old school kind you used in first grade at the listening centers. When his teacher handed it to him along with two cassette tapes he was baffled. When she left, he looked at me and said, "Mom, what is this?"

Me- Are you kidding me? It's a tape recorder.

Vootz- How does it work?

Me- Serious?

Vootz- What are these?

Me- Oh my gosh. *laughing* The tapes you record on.

I showed him how to work it and sent him off to his room to start recording math facts. A little while later he came back frustrated.

Me- What's wrong?

Vootz- I can't find the delete button. The boys interrupted me and now their yelling is on my tape.

Me- *laughing*

He has also been using the computer to "hunt and peck" his spelling work out on. Thursday night I was giving him a spelling test...

Vootz- Mom, I don't know how you failed typing in high school. This is so easy.

Me- Um let's see. It could be that we had to use actual type writers, not computers. There was no such thing as the delete button that you used three times just to spell the word Illinois. We had to look up at a projection on the wall in front of the class not at the keys and had to type what was on the overhead. We were graded on speed and accuracy. Oh, and the fact that I needed glasses and didn't know until the last week of the semester probably didn't help either.

It's sad that my kids didn't know what a cassette recorder was. It's sad that they have never seen a typewriter, a BETA VCR, a TV with out a remote, or a rotary phone. They have never played frogger on ATARI, and they don't understand that you can't instantly see the picture you took with a 35mm camera. They have never piled 6 deep into a car with vinyl seats, no seat belts, no AC, no DVD player, or video games in July to travel thousands of miles in the spirit of family adventure. Sad. But man I love technology.

Adventures With Rub and Dub

Rub- Mom when I be a grown up I will need to go to the airport.

Me- Why?

Rub- You might not believe it, but I am going on an Indie adventure. You might not see me for a while.

Dub- YOU CAN'T GO ON AN INDIE ADVENTURE, I'M INDIE!

I tuned out the ensuing argument here lost track of the conversation here to avoid running over the kid who jumped his bike off the curb and onto the highway in front of me. The momentary distraction wasn't long enough...

Rub- Mom, did Dub go on the Last Crusade?

Dub- I'M TALKING ABOUT A LONG TIME AGO, YOU WEREN'T BORN YET!

Rub- Mom knows everything!

*Mental note...have the Tooth Fairy leave that boy a little extra cash.*

Dub- NO SHE DOESN'T! YOU'RE WRONG!

Rub- LA LA LA LA LA I'M NOT LISTENING!

Dub- MOM! Rub's not listening to my story!

Rub- You weren't even born before me.

Dub- I AM TAAALLKINGGG ABOUT A LONG TIME AGOOO. YOU WERE DE-EAD.

Rub- Then how come I am right here?

Dub- You're a ghost.

Rub- Mom am I a ghost?

Me- No Rub.

Rub- Dub you are lying!

Dub- MOM! RUB CALLED ME A LIAR!

Rub- BECAUSE YOU SAID I WAS A GHOST!

Dub- No. I changed my mind. It's just a story. I called you a ghost because you're being so happy.

Rub- I can't help it, I just can't stop being happy.

Dub- Well it's not funny.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Good Morning To You...You Live In A Zoo...

Dub is not a morning person. He does not like to be woke up before he wakes up on his own. He does not like the mornings to be noisy. He does not like to talk to anyone until he is ready, and doesn't want anyone to talk to him either. He does not like the sun to shine through the window or to have the lights turned on. He does not like to get out of his pajamas. He has been known to throw things at anyone who dares disturb him.

He likes to wake up slowly, quietly and in the dark. He will wake up and pull the covers over his head and lay there for sometimes up to an hour before he actually decides to get out of the bed. When he does finally get up he is usually in a pretty good mood as long as he was allowed to wake up on his terms. Most of the time he will bounce in and give a cheery good morning can I have "fretfist please".

Yesterday morning Dub did not get to wake up on his terms. The blinds were open, the radio was on and the house was chaotic. I was getting ready for a doctor appointment, the boys were getting ready for school, and Dub needed to get ready to go with his Aunt Nae. I waited until the very last minute to even talk to him because I knew he would be a grump. When I could wait no longer, I told him to get up, tossed his clothes to him from across the room and fled to the safety of my own room. I asked him to please get up and get dressed. A few minutes later Dub came into my room. He looked to be in an okay mood. He wasn't carrying any weapons. He was already almost dressed. So I thought, maybe he's okay.

Dub- Mom. Can you please button these pants?

Me- *Hmm a little edge to his tone, but he said please. Maybe he is okay.* Sure Dub, I'd love to button those pants.

Dub- Would you please stop being so happy. It's really not funny.

Umm guess not. We are making progress. He did not shout. He did not throw anything at me. His voice was flat, even and almost kind of emotionless...yes, I do believe we are making progress.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

This and That and A Trip to The CARdiac Mechanic

Vootz got his hard cast put on Thursday. They took off the soft splint and we saw the pins sticking out of his finger. The tech was real nice and scrubbed his hand down good with alcohol, he had been itching like crazy and ewww the smell! He felt much better after a good scrub. He got a black cast per my request, because he is a boy and it will hide the grime better. He told me when he gets his pins out in three weeks he wants the new cast to be red so his friends can sign it.

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Buzz came home today and said, "Mom, I don't want to tell you what happened at lunch recess today, but I think I should."

Me- What happened Buzz?

Buzz- A girl kissed my cheek.

Me- Who? Eva?

Buzz- Yes. I didn't want her too, but she did on her own. I told her I wasn't allowed to have kisses until I am 21, she just smiled.

Me - Okay but tell her no more kissing okay?

Buzz- Okay.

I told JC...

JC- How old is she?

Me- His age, they've been in the same class since kindergarten. She's a cute little thing, comes from a great family and has had a huge crush on Buzz for a while.

JC- She's cute and has a good family? Maybe you shouldn't discourage him.

Me- *picking chin up off the floor* BOYS!!! HOW OLD DO YOU HAVE TO BE TO HAVE A GIRLFRIEND??

Boys- At least 17 mom!

Me- AND HOW OLD DO YOU HAVE TO BE BEFORE YOU KISS A GIRL??!!

Boys- Not until we come home from our mission mom.

Me- Very good. * glares at husband*

Rub and Dub were fighting over the Toys-R-Us ad today. I told Rub to leave Dub alone, he had the ad first. Rub disappeared. I was walking down the hallway and I saw Rub out of the corner of my eye pouring aftershave on Dub's toothbrush.

I went in to his room to talk to him about it....

Me- Rub why did you poor aftershave on Dub's toothbrush?

Rub- When I aksed (See, he is smart. He is bilingual. He speaks english and ebonics.)him pwease he wouldn't chare wif me. So I aksed him pretty pwease and he still wouldn't chare wif me and then he puched me away. So I put aftershabe on his toofbrush because he was not being nice. When people say pwease you are stupposed to be nice and when they say pretty pwease you are stupposed to chare even if you don't want to.

What am I suppose to say to that?
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Dub just climbed up on the counter in the bathroom to get a drink. He didn't close the lid on the toilet first and who ever used it last forgot to flush....He's taking another shower now.
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I had my cardiac ultrasound today. The tech said, "Your motor looks good, but your spark plugs are junk."

Me- What does that mean?

Tech- Your heart and valves are looking good. No changes since your last ultrasound. But your electronics are messed up, causing your heart to misfire. In short your regulator is busted.


I think I just had a car mechanic do an ultrasound on my heart. It was cool to see it on the ultrasound screen though. I could see the heart beat wrong as I was feeling it beat wrong. Good news is there IS something wrong with me. The bad news is there IS something wrong with me. I am glad they have proof and I that I am not just crazy. I am glad they can't just say, "Oh, it's just anxiety try some Xanax." AND I am glad the rest of my heart is still looking okay and not getting worse. The really bad news is...MY ALLERGIES ARE KILLING ME!!!! and I cannot take any allergy/cold meds until I see Dr. Riz on Friday, because they mess with blood pressure and stuff. I can take one brand, but it works about as well as a TicTac, and without the benefit of the fresh breath so I will pass.

JC hurt his knee at work a couple weeks ago. He has been home in a knee immobilizer and on crutches. I love him a lot, but do not know how on earth I survived a whole year of him not having a job. He needs to go back to work so I can accomplish something.

Friday, February 26, 2010

Sprinklers 2; Vootz 0

The runner up will receive a large scab from elbow to mid-fore arm. A 4X4 inch bandage with complimentary arm waxing (valid at time of bandage removal only) and a beautiful scar memento.....

...and the winner is Vootz, for his rendition of Have a Nice Trip, See You Next Fall. Episode 1.

The grand prize winner will receive a visit to the O.R., two complimentary titanium pins, professional photo shoot, a fine bottle of vintage Tylenol with codeine and a six week stay in quality plaster, a personal scribe, plus pampering and sympathy from the cutest 4th grade girls at P. Elementary....

...and the winner is Vootz, for his rendition of Have a Nice Trip, See You Next Fall. Episode 2.

On Tuesday of last week Vootz was running in the back yard, tripped over a sprinkler head and left a large part of his left fore arm to tan on the brick wall. On Tuesday night this week we were walking except those who were running to the Art Fair at the school, Vootz walked ran up into the flower bed, tripped over a sprinkler and landed on his right hand. He whined a little about how it hurt and how he was sure it was broken, no real cry just a whine. I gave him the "You were told not to run and to stay with us and stay on the SIDE WALK and if you were suppose to walk in the flower beds they would be called FLOWER WALKS not flower beds and it's called a side WALK for a reason, you WALK on it." speech. So when we got to the school where it was light enough to see I checked it out. Sure enough, his middle finger was already twice it's normal size, very crooked and turning purple. So we took 2 1/2 minutes to glance over the kids art work and headed home to splint and ice his finger. I gave him Motrin, a kiss and tucked him in.

JC was giving him grief so I had to remind him that he also broke his hand when he was a kid and not once but twice. He said, "I know, but at least I broke mine doing something stupid that I shouldn't have been doing. He was just walking to school. Couldn't be those huge o' feet he has. Those things are like freakin' ski's!"

I took Vootz to get x-rays Wednesday morning. His pediatrician looked at the films and scheduled him to see the nurse practitioner in the ortho department that afternoon, she looked at the films and scheduled him to see the orthopedist the next afternoon. He looked at the films and scheduled him for surgery Tuesday. He gets to have to titanium pins for three weeks and a cast for six weeks.

I never know whether to explain to my kids in advance what is going to happen so they can be prepared or to just let it happen and deal with it when it's all said and done and they are pissed. I waffled back and forth with it for a few minutes and decided since he is almost ten years old I should inform him what "having lab work done" means. I was wrong. He started leaching onto me and begging not to have to get another needle. (oh, He was behind on a shot when he went in to see his pediatrician, so he had to have an MMR) As we were checking into lab for his pre-op...

Vootz- Mom, can't I just pick a scab and they can take that blood?
Me- Groooosss!! No, they can't.
Lab guy- *laughing* nice try though.
Me- Are you sure you still want a skate board for your birthday? With skate boards come a lot more broken bones.
Vootz- I still want a skate board, I just want all the protective equipment too.
Me- All the protective equipment in the world won't keep you from breaking honey. It helps and protects part of you, but not all of you.
Vootz- Yes, I still want to skate board. At least it's my right hand, so I don't have to do my work.
Me- Oh, you will do your work. You will just have to use your left hand. Or someone will write for you, but YOU are still solving the problems or telling them what to write.
Vootz-Oh.

So Vootz will have surgery on Tuesday. He is nervous, scared, freakin' out, has a ton of questions.

Vootz- I don't think I will be able to go to sleep.
Me- What do you mean, at your surgery?
Vootz- Yes. It takes a long time for me to fall asleep.
Me- It won't, I promise. They give you some medicine and say count back from ten. And you will go ten, niiine, eiiiigg...and you will be out.
Vootz- I don't know. I don't think it will work.
Me- It will trust me.
Vootz- Does it taste bad?
Me- Ummmm...(tell him about the I.V.? Don't tell him about the I.V.?) Nope, doesn't taste bad at all. (So NOT a lie, he won't taste a thing.)

Sunday, February 21, 2010

I Kiwi, do solemnly swear to update my blog this week. Stay tuned.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Ramblings of A Chocolate Donut Deprived PHAT Wife.

Here's the deal. I started physical therapy for a disc problem in my back. I was going two times a week for four weeks. When my four weeks were over they re-evaluated me and decided I would benefit from another four weeks. So after eight weeks of therapy I was feeling pretty good and had gotten accustomed to my two days a week to spend a couple of hours alone...well not alone but with a group of really fun people who don't require me to wipe their bums or their noses. I was starting to see a nice shape show up underneath all the layers of chocolate donuts too, so I was getting kind of excited about that. After my second round of physical therapy my therapist said he could either order another 4 week session or he would print out a copy of my work out and I could continue on my own at a gym and just come in quarterly for a re-evaluation. I started thinking about it and was a little sad to lose the group of physical therapist and patients I was having so much fun with. But I had to look at it logically and not emotionally. if for no other reason than to prove to JC that I don't always make decisions based on emotion It was costing $80 a month plus gas to go down town, for physical therapy. Fitness 19 was running a special for $9.95 a month and they are only two miles away. So I told Andy, that is my therapist, been fun but gotta run! not literally of course, that is the #1 forbidden exercise for my back

So I signed up at the gym. One of my very best friends was already going there and I talked my other best friend into going too. I need support, someone who says, "uh-uh that was so not a 60 second plank! Go again maggot!" Unfortunately my two bff's are not that person. I love 'em, but good gravy I don't think either of them has a mean bone in their body. It's okay though, because I have an image in my head of what I want to look like come June, and I WILL succeed! I will do every single plank, wood chopper and wiggley baby lift without cheating because I am buff like that I am a chicken and very afraid of surgery which is the next course of action if my next re-evaluation does not show marked improvement.

I have been...right this down...are you ready? Craving my work outs. I look forward to them so much that even on Saturday, my one and only day of the week I can sleep in, I wake up and go to the gym! JC doesn't even mind having to stay with the kids on Saturday mornings either because Duh! He benefits too. Good workout + "me time" = Happy PHAT (as in Pretty Hot And Tempting) and not FAT wife + increased endorphins (you know, um, those kind of endorphins) = Happy husband. He's smart, he can do the math.

Not only am I craving my work out, I am craving good food. Not like chocolate donuts good, I mean like good for me food, like spinach! I have been trying very hard to stay away from the foods that I know I cannot just eat in moderation, like Lays potato chips. "Betcha can't eat just one!" Doritos, chocolate donuts, Sour Patch Kids, Cinnamon Jelly Hearts/bears, Heidi's, Breyer's Mint Chip, Yorks....And the foods I want that are not necessarily good for me, but I know I can just have a little and walk away and be totally fine, I take a little and walk away. For instance, um...hmm...let's see....ok...Oh face it, I am not one of those kind of people. They say, "Don't deprive yourself completely, just eat a little and walk away. If you deprive yourself you are setting yourself up for a binge." Uh-uh, can't do it. As long as I don't taste it, or smell it, I can push it out of my mind. As soon as take a bite or smell, I will eat and eat and eat until there is nothing left except a sick, bloated, sad, woman in a heap on the floor.

My friend who is suppose to be my "mean" work out buddy has not learned that about me yet. She is "one of those" kind of people. The kind who can be satisfied with a taste. She brought me Stromboli the other night for dinner. Not just the other half of hers which would have been fine paired with a salad. No, she brought me two whole Stromboli + the other half of hers! They were YUMMY!! All melty and warm! I ate until I was literally unable to swallow another bite. One and a half Stromboli later I was sick, but oh so happy, and oh so irritated with myself!

JC was hugging me after dinner the other night and here is our conversation.

Me- MMMM! Um, hunny could you do me a favor?
JC- Sure, what?
Me- Not because I find it offensive in anyway, but more delicious and tempting, could you please go brush your teeth for me. You smell like Doritos and it is really tempting me. It took every ounce of will power for me to put them on your plate without eating them and one more minute of the smell is going to do me in.
JC- Um, okay weirdo Why didn't you just have a few?
Me- It's like crack hunny! Would you tell a crack addict, just have a little? No I don't think so. Brush!
JC- Okay, Okay brushing.

It's a little insane at times, but have you seen the super cute swimsuits out this year? It is going to be oh so worth it!

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Player

Dub calling from the bath tub- Mommm! I need a dry towel.

Me- Dub there's a towel on the towel rack.

Dub- No, I used that one when I got out to get my Batmobile. It's all wet now and it will make my willie cold and then it will pee on its own.

That is when I nearly choked to death on my chocolate donut celery stick.

Rub- When I am old enough to get married like 29 or 20 or something, I won't live with you anymore mom.
Me- That's right Rub, you'll live with your wife.
Rub- Yeah, because when I marry Haley and she starts having babies that will be too much moms and dads and too much babies. I think she won't like that. She's going to have girl babies.
Me- Umm. Who's Haley Rub?
Rub-*grin* You know my wife Haley in the purple row. When I am 17 I am going to kiss her all over her face. Oh, and mom.
Me- What Rub.
Rub- I won't be able to be your Boo anymore, or sniff your face anymore. That will make her very mad.
Me- Rub could you please not, umm...you don't need to be thinking about all this right now. You are still kinda young to be talking about kissing girls and getting married.
Rub- I know mom, but you gotta plan for these kind of stuff...um mom.
Me- What Rub?
Rub- Does it make your feelings sad that I can't be your Boo?
Me- Yes, Rub it does. I am not ready for you to be someone elses Boo just yet. Do you think you could still be just my Boo until you finish a couple years of College?
Rub- We'll see mom, maybe I will just be your Boo until...Hey can we go to Checkers if I still be your Boo?
Me- You bet.
Rub- Okay can I get a Rootbeerd too if I don't kiss Haley's face?
Me- Deal.

He's got my number...and probably Haley's too.

Friday, January 22, 2010

Do You Have An Extra Staight Jacket?

JC plays online video games. The boys think their dad is pretty much the coolest person in the world. They want to be just like him and spend all their waking moments by his side. They want "fur" like his, muscles like his, to fix fire trucks like him, to drive tractors like him and to have a cool, beautiful young wife like his, okay maybe I made up that last part. Anyway Rub was watching JC fly a jet in one of his games the other night, and the jet that was flying in front of his crashed into a mountain. Here is the conversation that took place...

JC- Ooo Crash! Did you see that Rub?
Rub- Yeah. He sacwaficed himsewf!
JC- Why did he do that Rub?
Rub- Maybe he dumb.
JC-*uncontrollable laughter for the next twenty minutes, and again every time he repeats the conversation*

Rub and Dub were playing a Thomas interactive DVD game yesterday...
Dub- Go slow!
Rub- No! Fast! I want to see what happens.
Dub- Maybe you'll freak out!
I honestly don't know where they get it. The vocabulary I mean, I know where they get the "I want to see what happens" bug, and the "excitement over what might happen if you do something wreckless, like drive too fast down a curvy mountain road with your carsick little sister" bug that is all my brothers fault. When Vootz was little he use to hand things to us with a screw driver and say "how it works?" He wanted to, still wants to, take things apart and see the insides and how they worked. What makes it do what it does. My brother was the SAME way, except he'd use a hammer, then it no longer worked.

All my boys at least once a day say, "let's see what happens if.." Scientific geniuses already! That I am sure can be attributed to me, the genius part that is. We all know that I am not only a beautiful, perfect wife but also a brilliant person. I just have to go undercover in this frumpy, never got my BS degree not the same as a degree in BS which I framed and display proudly above my desk. housewife garb to hide from NASA and the photogs for People magazines 100 most beautiful people edition because I want my kids to have a normal life.

Vootz also had the "tow it up" bug. Anything and everything he could tie up was tied up to something. He would hand JC's dad a rope and say "tow it up Buppa" and they would go off and find something to tie that rope to. They "towed it up" the wagon to the bike, the dump truck to the car, the car to the Vootz. Everything got tied to something and Vootz would have a huge smile on his face and say, "Look! We towed it up" That I am sure I can blame on Buppa, if for no other reason than he obliged every time he was asked to "tow it up".

Hold the presses! Dub just gave me the funny quote of the day...
"I wish losing were winning! Then I would win all the time!"
That's my boy, always thinking.

Rain Rain go away...
I need some sunshine in my life today.
Rain Rain go away...
I am going CRAZY, white coats are going to take me away.
Rain Rain it's been 6 days of rain rain rain!
I have puking punks, I am in a funk, I need to get away.
Rain Rain go away.

On the sidewalk I want to lay
Sunshine warm me with your bright yellow ray
Swimsuit clad, cool soda in hand, on the radio my favorite band
Rain Rain go away.

Breaking News!!
I have officially gone nuts. Admitting you have a problem is the first step in recovery right? Do they have a twelve step program for moms of puking, scientific geniuses who have not seen sunshine in days? Last year at this time I was sitting in my swim suit at the pool, sun shining on my face, soaking up some vitamin D. Today I am sitting in my office, pretending there are not four kids destroying my house, pretending that I don't really need to have a diet Pepsi, or chocolate donuts, or cinnamon bears, or pizza, or McDonald's french fries dipped in hot mustard. Pretending really hard on that last one, we are still boycotting McDonalds.

I need help. Over and Out.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Department of Much Viciousness

I went to the DMV Monday. Those words really are all I need to say to describe my day and my mood on Monday. But since you are obviously bored to tears enough to come check out my long neglected blog I will elaborate a little more.

I thought if I went early, the lines might not be so bad. Here is where you are all saying, "If you would make an appointment, the lines are not so bad." I know, I know, but it was a last minute "oh JC is home, he can babysit" kind of decision. So I jumped in the car and headed to the DMV. My first indicator that I should just turn around and go home came when I turned onto "F" street and there was a traffic jam. The second indicator should have come when I realized the traffic jam was due to people waiting for parking places to open up...in the DMV parking lot. I finally made it into the lot, and like the heavens opened up and smiled down on me, a spot opened right in front of me. So what if it was the wrong way on a one way row, it was the end spot, I looked up the row and no one was coming. I could so make it! And I did and I was even parked straight after a few tries!

I grabbed my paperwork and headed to the front door, being careful not to get run down by a few really grumpy drivers. Geesh people! Don't you know road rage is the leading cause of parking lot homicide. Did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed? Forget your coffee on the roof of your car? Does your pantie line show? Gotta run in your hose? Hair went flat. (Sorry I couldn't help myself.) The heavens are smiling, you should be too! Ouch, no wonder he is grumpy, he is missing his other four fingers! Well at least he waved, maybe he just looks grumpy. Wow! That's must be some angry rock music she's singing with! I am glad I can't read lips, because I am pretty sure some of the words she is saying would burn my eyes.

I opened the front door and a rush of warm air hit my face, carrying with it a nauseating combination of perfumes, colognes, body odor and flatulence. I waded through the mosh pit of people and made my way to window #2 to receive my number. The lady informs me the monitors are broken so be sure to listen for your number carefully. She hands me B150 as the voice on the speaker says, "Now serving B030" Fabulous, only 120 people ahead of me.

All the chairs were taken. People were stacked 7 and 8 deep, shoulder to shoulder, standing room only. I am sure the room was at least 3x the maximum fire capacity. The room was starting spin a little. I could feel the perspiration beading up on my chest. I wiggled my way through the mosh pit toward the front door. I don't do well in crowded areas, especially hot, smelly ones. I am very claustrophobic and very demo phobic. I burst through the door and out into the fresh air. I filled my lungs with fresh, clean air...ok we know that is a lie. I filled my lungs with good ol' B-town smog. It was a relief to be outside. Then a little ol' man and a small boy walked up to me. The man started jabbering to me. At first I thought I must be having a really serious panic attack, I couldn't understand a single thing he was saying. I knew he was talking to me, but it was not making any sense. Then the boy said, "My grandpa says the speakers out here are broken. You will miss your turn." Oh, ok, fewsh! I did not totally lose it, he was speaking Spanish.

I stood in front of the door. My heart raced, my forehead was damp. I said a quick "forgive me for crowding in the parking lot I am very sorry, it was not a nice thing to do and please get me through this" prayer and stepped through the door. Just as I walked through the door, a man left the chair right beside the door. I quickly planted myself in it. Then I thought, Is this a test? Am I suppose to give this chair up to someone who was here before me? Are you trying to see if I was REALLY sorry for crowding, because when you ask for forgiveness you are not suppose to repeat the action right? Or is this an answer to my "get me through this" prayer? How about if we meet in the middle. If a little ol' lady comes in I will give up my chair, ok? Or a momma with a baby, or someone on crutches, or a ready to pop momma.

After more than two hours, a moderate panic attack, and $800.00 later I left the DMV. But not before I made a comment to the clerk about spending my $800 on fixing the outdoor speakers and the monitors. I also might have mentioned that you cannot hardly tell whether the speaker is calling letter B,C, or G. And how I thought it was horse hockey that the people, specifically the two little old ladies, who could not understand or hear their numbers being called had to get new numbers and start all over again. And that when the monitor is broken they should call the number at least twice. Also that they were certainly beyond maximum capacity and that is a fire hazard. Thank you Margret, I am sure you passed on all my helpful suggestions to your boss, or not.

There were not even any key marks on my car, or profanities written in the dust or any kind of gross body fluids on my windows or door handles. I am sure that is because mankind has elevated itself above all that pettiness and has learned to forgive and love thy parking place stealing neighbor and had nothing at all to do with the po-po parked next to me enjoying his breakfast.