Friday, June 20, 2008
Sunday, June 15, 2008
When I was growing up in this huge town of 130 people, I wanted nothing more than to leave. I hated wearing my sisters hand me down Wranglers and polo shirts (she is a tom boy). I wanted name brands like Guess, Gucci and definitely not in hand me down form ( I am ALL girly girl). I wanted a mani-pedi, dad wanted me to chop fire wood. I wanted to go shopping on Saturday, dad wanted me to help the neighbors brand cattle. I wanted something more exciting than crickets and frogs to listen to in the evening hours. I wanted my dates to not consist of going across the county line bridge for dancing by the creek because we could raise heck and our county sheriff could not bust us and the next county's sheriff was two hours away. I hated being considered a "hick". I hated that we could never leave for vacation because we had animals that we needed to feed and milk. I hated having to be bussed more than an hour to get to high school in the city. The weekend I graduated high school I took a job in the city and moved. I forgot all about my country roots, or so I thought. I was a city girl now!
Well two and a half years after I moved to the city I met JC. He was a flat lander. A farmer. He lived on the outskirts of the city but farmed about twenty minutes out. I decided very early on I was never going to marry a rancher and live in the mountains, but I had never said I would never marry a farmer. So we married. Mountain ranching girl turned city girl marries flat land alfalfa farmer. Ever heard the expression you can take the girl out of the country but you can't take the country out of the girl? That is so totally true. About the time I had Vootz I wanted to move back to the mountains. Try as I might I could not get JC to move. Something about not being able to grow crops on mountain sides, covered in oak trees. Go figure. We are technically living a "country" life style with the farming and all but ranching and farming really are very different, so are the flat lands and the mountains.
I have been reading over here a lot. (I am so addicted to her) She makes me homesick. I miss seeing the cattle, horses, rodeos, brandings, team roping and cattle drives. I miss the sounds and smells. I miss crisp mornings and laying in bed at night with the window open (because we lived in the middle of nowhere we could do that with out fear of being killed) like I was saying, laying in bed smelling the dew come in and hearing the frogs and crickets sing their lullabies. I miss the creeks and snow days and the smell of autumn. I miss the small town, everyone knows your last sneeze, atmosphere. I miss my horse and the sound of the bit clinking in her mouth, the sound of the saddle, (how to explain that to someone who has never been in a saddle I have no clue.) The softness of her nose. Here I am again trotting off into lala land. Back to my point, because I do have one.
The more I read over here the more I miss it. I have embraced a lot of my country roots again having been married to a farmer. I sport the occasional pair of jeans that are not worthy of the city fashion scene, I sport the John Deere logo frequently (which I would have NEVER done growing up), I work hard next to my husband unafraid to break a freshly manicured nail. I love to go out to the fields under all the stars that you just can't see in the city. I love to hear the sounds and smell the dew, but I really miss the mountains and flat land country is better than city but it is just not the mountains.
So, I guess my point is this, number one, thank you Ree for all the memories of what ranch life is. You detail it so perfectly it is almost like being "home", until a child screams and then I am plopped back into reality. Number two, I am almost hoping we do have to move to a nice, rural, small town, ranching community hopefully in the mountains, because dang if Ree hasn't made my homesickness all that much more present in my mind. (BTW Ree, nothing against the prairie, it is incredibly gorgeous, but I love my mountains.)
My dad took two of my boys "home" with him yesterday. They have talked about nothing else for the last twenty four hours. It has been all about the cows, the horses, the tree and rock climbing, snake hunting *shivers*(glad that was unsuccessful), the creek and just bein' able to run, run, run. They fell asleep fast and hard when they got home, it was NICE! Thanks Daddy, next time can I stow away too?
Monday, June 9, 2008
So my questions to my loyal readers are these...
Do you make your husband breakfast, is it just a bowl of cocoa puffs or something more substantial? Does he even eat breakfast at all?
Do you pack lunches for your husbands?
What do you pack? Is it a mystery to him everyday, something exciting he can't wait to find out about or is it the same ol' thing.
I need ideas quick so I thought I would start a little friendly contest. You send me your ideas/recipes for breakfast, lunch, dessert and snacks, I try them out on Farmer JC. We both get to judge because I have to make it of course. You will be judged on:
- Ease of eating one handed while driving a tractor through a wheat field without getting sticky and shmootzed, he hates that!
- Ability to hold up in a lunch box while bouncing around on a tractor
- How easy/time consuming it was to prepare
- How common the ingredients are to my kitchen (think good ol' comfort food)
Got it? Good, now get busy! Quick! Save my husband from the dreadful rut his wife has fallen into! He will love you for it! Maybe even so much he would suggest
all on his own of course with no bribing from me that I offer up a slight reward to the idea he loved the best! Email your entries to firstname.lastname@example.org
Ps. If it contains mushrooms or mountains of garlic, I guarantee you will lose. Just a tip. You're welcome.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
The thought of moving away to a new town, new state, new house, starting a new job, new friends beginning a new chapter of our lives together with a clean slate is kind of exciting. Having to rely on each other and knowing that everything is new to both of us and together we will forge this new path. That is one of those atop the first big hill of the roller coaster kind of moments. It's a new and exciting unknown kind of high.
Then there is the reality that we know NO ONE! We have no external support system. What if we move in the middle of winter to a town that has four feet of snow and JC is called out right away for a job that will take five days to do and I have no fire wood cut
I love my neighbors that I have now.
When I am awake I can pretty much control my roller coaster. Meaning, when I start getting all teary eyed at the thought of Dub having to kiss his Heavver goodbye and me having to explain to our family that we are leaving, and to the boys that they will have to make new friends in a new school, I can pretty much start thinking about the adventure of it all and end up back on top. When I am asleep however I have ZERO control of my roller coaster, this leads to a VERY bad nights sleep, which in turn leads to JC having a bad night too. (Sorry Honey.) Off topic sorry. Some nights I wake up terrified, others just sad and crying, others the adrenalin is rushing through me so fast thinking about the adventures that lay ahead I wake up ready to bound out of bed at two a.m. Whatever my last thoughts were of before I wake up for the day are generally a good indicator of where I will start my morning until something sends me crashing back to the bottom or holding my breath at the top with eager anticipation.
The stupid thing about this whole roller coaster is this, I MAKE MYSELF RIDE! Yes, you read that right. I am putting myself through all this when JC doesn't even have a job anywhere yet. We could be staying right here in Smogtown. I make myself ride however, because IF we do decide to leave, it will be fast. I am talking here one week gone the next. So if I don't get a hold of all my emotions and prepare myself now for what may or may not be I will be stuck in a town with no support system, a husband at work and sobbing on the kitchen floor in front of my boys. I have to be able to be strong and deal when (and if) I do move. So now I figure is the best time to be a basket case, when I have family and friends around to support me in all my irrational thoughts.
Speaking of irrational thoughts and neighbors, I just lost mine. Irrational thought that is, because my neighbor "Dub's Heavver" just came over to barrow my cell phone charger, because we are great neighbors and friends, we do these things. I bake them bread, they mow my lawn. It's that kind of neighbor that I am afraid I won't be able to find in another town. As if I have the only one to ever exist right here in Smogtown. I know, irrational. Like it or lump it's my roller coaster.
All this is very deep I know. Before you diagnose me as bipolar let me explain what built this beast of a roller coaster to begin with.
When JC was farming, I was neither here nor there about it. It was his job, I missed him when he was gone and I hated that for several months a year there was NO income and never any benefits. On the flip side, I loved that we were in agriculture ( I have very deep ag roots), I loved that he owned his own business and when he had to he could not go to work, mostly to save my bum for some situation I'd managed to get myself in,
When JC decided to quit in December I was also here nor there but frantically started searching for jobs because insecurity freaks me out! So for the last six months I have been searching the entire North American Continent (well mostly the western states and western Canada) for jobs. I have sent out probably 60+ resumes and have had one response from a company here. That response we had to turn down because it seems it was posted wrong and won't even pay enough to cover our rent, much less groceries for the growing appetites of our boys. I have however had responses from a few out of state companies. There is the foundation for this roller coaster.
To be continued...
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Since November JC has been home pretty much 24/7, like most farmers there is not a lot of work to do in the winter. Then in December JC decided to quit our farm for a job that would allow him to be home more often in the summer months and have steady pay in the winter months and has been job hunting for the last 6 months with no luck. No luck that is until another farmer asked him to help do some custom grain harvesting for a couple of months. Not that grain harvesting is going to give him better hours and steady pay, but it will pay the rent which is kind of, oh I don't know IMPORTANT! I went from having a husband home 24/7, which has it's advantages and disadvantages, to having my husband home pretty much NEVER! If he was still working for himself, the hours would not be much different I suppose but it just seems like I see him less now than when he worked for himself. Absence makes the heart grow fonder! I MISS MY HUSBAND!
To add to my aching heart, which has me in emotional turmoil. He started this job the week that school got out. I have no husband, but I have a house full of kids who also miss their dad and are handling their emotions about as well as mommy, and who have endless amounts of energy. We have no back yard to send them to. Our travels were limited to where we could go on bikes since JC now has the truck all day, but now Buzz has a flat tire and no way to get to Tarjay to get a new tube. I am pretty much stranded with 4 rambunctious boys with nothing to do! Did I mention also our t.v. broke this morning? Yep it did. I might just lose my marbles before school starts again in August.
It is JC's 35th birthday tomorrow. I think I will bake him his favorite Red Velvet cake with Cream Cheese frosting. Not that he will be home to eat it, but that I will be thinking about him. Now to get to the store to get the ingredients, Oh that's right I can't go to the store! Looks like JC will get birthday pancakes instead. Which I am sure he will just love because pancakes rank right up there with, oh I don't know, liver and onions, not that he will be here to eat them anyway.
To all of you military spouses I am sorry. I know I have it no where near as bad as you do. I really have no right to complain at all. I don't know how you do it. You amaze me. I am thankful for your sacrifices and your spouses service. May your family be blessed, comforted and protected. Our service men and women are incredible and so are their families! My family and I keep you in our prayers always and are very appreciative of all you do.
Thank you all for coming to my Pity Party. Drive home safely!