Thursday, May 21, 2009

We Have A House Guest And He Doesn't Know When To Leave!

Hello. Long time no blog. This is still my blog. I still plan on updating it soon, but not until Mr. Influenza decides to visit some other family. So until then please don't forget about me over here at "Don't Pee on my Floor!" Which I am considering changing to "Don't Blow Chunks on my Floor!" I will be back, hopefully sooner rather than later.

Friday, May 8, 2009

"Was That A Hooker?...Oh, Nope Just A Seventh Grader."

While we are on the clothing topic, what the heck is up with fashion today. More specifically tween/teen fashion? I lived thru the 80's, trust me you do NOT want to repeat that fashion disaster and yet every where I look I see these kids dressed like they just stepped out of *insert really bad eighties movie title here*. The tucked and rolled jeans...ACK! But there are even far worse offenses than repeating the 80's nightmare. Here are a few things I have noticed as I watch the kids from the grade school and junior high play in our neighborhood. I won't even start on the high school kids...yet.

Let us start with the boys. You'll find two extremes in boys fashion. You find on one end of the extreme pants so baggy the boys walk with their legs three feet apart to keep them from falling down around their knees and on the other end of the extreme are the "skinny jeans" that look like they were borrowed from their 9 year old sister. Too tight to even pull all the way up over their bums. Either way we are going to see way more than we ought to. I don't need to see your boxers! Thank you for in fact wearing them and hopefully making sure that they were clean, but still the same I'd rather not know what style of undergarment you wear. Besides that it can't be all that fun constantly having to tug on your britches to keep them from tripping you as they fall down around your knees. I don't know who told you that wearing the tops of your britches under your bum made you look sexy, but who ever it was LIED!

Now girls. Haaaaah! Where should we start? Unless you are actually old enough to use the stripper pole at Deja Vu you shouldn't dress like a stripper! There is nothing at all wrong with wearing shorts that actually have a measurable inseam. I don't see how you can wear your shorts so short and not show your underwear, if in fact you are wearing any underwear at all. If not, I am certain there are laws about exposing what you are exposing in public! Second, Tube tops are just plain tacky on anyone. Third, if you can't get them zipped ALL the way up they are too small! The stuffed sausage look really isn't all that attractive. I know, I know, "I really am a size 4...on the inside". Yeah, aren't we all! Unfortunately it's the size 10 you that has to fit in those jeans sista! Fourth, I don't know who's idea it was to advertise on your bum but it was a bad one. Why would anyone want the word "JUICY" written across their bum? What exactly are you trying to say? Fifth, Hooray for you! You bought your first pair of thong underwear. I know you are so proud of yourself, but I'd like to not have to explain to my boys about "fancy" underwear just yet so could you please keep them tucked into your jeans. Sixth, Again undergarments serve a certain purpose and that purpose is not for show and tell so please if you wear colored/patterned underwear and bras make sure you can't see them thru your outer clothing. I know you love your new zebra striped chones but love them privately ok? Also could you leave hooker make up and the body glitter for the hookers.

I could go on and on about the fashion of our misguided youth but I only have so many hours in my day and I still have a pile of laundry to do so I don't end up committing a fashion blunder myself. I think I could probably squeeze into Vootz' jeans or belt on a pair of JC's jeans but I'd rather not look like an idiot.