Sunday, May 23, 2010

Don't Shoot!

I am going to tell a story about the night I almost, coulda, shoulda, woulda, but didn't, get shot.

So I have this BFF and she is kind of, a little bit very OCD. (Sorry, I love you to bits and pieces but you are, and I know this is not news to you, so I don't feel too bad about saying it.) Tonight we will discuss her obsession with her garage door. It is only ever open long enough for her to drive in or out of the garage. I noticed it was open at about 6-ish the other night. I thought, Oh, she must have just gotten home. Then I drove by around 8-ish as I was headed to the store to pick up carrots, yeah that's it carrots for that late night carrot craving, and it was open. So I called to say, "Hey just wanted to see what you were up to, by the way your garage is open are you headed out?" I got her voice mail. It says Hi this is "your BFF" somethin' somethin'. I am always tempted to say, No this is not my BFF, this is my BFF's voicemail, but I don't. Ope, where were we. Oh yes, I got her voicemail and left her a message. When I drove back by at 8:30-ish (I promise I am not a stalker, I have to pass her house to get out of the neighborhood) it was still open. So I called her...again (again not a stalker...much) and it went to voicemail...again. Something was clearly not right. She NEVER leaves her garage door open that long...especially not after dark and she NEVER ignores my calls...hardly ever. So I tucked in my children and headed over to check on her.

As I was leaving, I called again. Still no answer, so I left this message..."Hey, it's me and I have called you a few times and you are not answering and your garage door has been up all night so I am coming to check on you...DON'T SHOOT ME!!"

When I got to her house I went to the front door. All the lights were off inside. I knocked and no one answered. Naturally being female I begin thinking the worst. My thoughts went like this. She pulled in the garage and passed out in the car. I went in the garage and checked in the car. No BFF. ...or someone followed her home and kidnapped her from the garage *enter logic* she probably went somewhere with her parents and maybe she didn't realize the door didn't shut or something was in the way of it shutting and it came back up. Maybe she went in to tuck kids in bed and ended up falling asleep with them. I checked the garage door that leads's unlocked. Okay, she is home. She has to be. Went back to the front door and knocked again really loudly. No answer. Called again. No answer. Called her mom. No answer. Panicking now. Not sure what to do.


1. Hit the button to close the garage door and run and jump over the sensor like a ninja. Have I mentioned I am not much of a ninja? Yep, not a ninja. This is so not an option.

2. Hit the button that closes the garage door, go inside and let myself out the front door. Still doesn't solve the problem of, "Is she okay?"

3. Go inside and look for her. Pray she doesn't shoot me.

4. Go home and forget about it. Umm no, she'd kill me for sure.

Yes, I thought about ringing the door bell until she answered, but the mommy in me wouldn't do that, because it would wake up kids...and that is just NOT NICE! NOT NICE AT ALL! Yes, I realize had she shot me, that would probably wake up kids too, but I would rather take my chances.

Thought process as I pace back and forth from the front door to the garage door: Obviously I have no choice here, I have to go inside. Geeze...I'm gonna get shot. I'm gonna scare her to death and she's gonna shoot me. Okay, worst case scenario...She shoots me. I die and she wonders what the h e double hockey sticks I was doing in her house in the middle of the night. At least I won't have to do the dishes and laundry. Hmmmm...nope worser case scenario...She shoots me, I live. I have laundry and dishes x days incapacitated + what's already there = WORST CASE SCENARIO! Either way shot or not, she's probably gonna have to shampoo her carpets when this is all over.

Open door from garage to house. Calling out to her over and over again saying, It's just me, your friend who is randomly letting herself into your house in the middle of the night, please don't shoot me, just want to make sure you are ok, hello, please don't shoot, it's just me. Flip on the lights, head down the hall still calling out. Greeted by barking dogs. Ask the dogs where mommy is. Turn the corners at the same time to be standing in front of each other both freaked out! Hearts pounding, eyes wide, fists raised.

I explained to her why I was in her house in the middle of the night and I am not sure what freaked her out more, waking her up with the "someone is in my house" panic or the fact that she hadn't closed the garage. Anyway, all is well. The garage got closed I didn't have to worry all night and I didn't even get shot in the process...this time. Next time she will be ready because now she has moved the gun to a readily accessible location, and next time I will just ring the door bell and deal with momma fury that follows.

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