Calgon Take Me Away!

I usually wait until the boys have gone to sleep before I shower and here is why...

Today I had to clean the shower and because it is so big it is easiest to clean while actually showering. These are the happenings while I was cleaning the shower and showering.

Vootz-"Buzzy kicked me right here!"

Me-"I AM IN THE SHOWER!"

Rub-"I'm firsty"

Me- "I AM IN THE SHOWER!"

Buzz-"Dub has the mustard!"

Me-"What am I suppose to do about it, I AM IN THE SHOWER! Tell your dad!"

Dub-"Buzzy take it away da dippitz, an I wuv hunwy!"

Me-"STAY OUT OF THE KITCHEN!"

Dub-"But I'n hunwy!"

Me-"Wait until I get out of the shower!"

JC-*yelling from somewhere in our gigantic house that is so big you could actually lose a person in all 1150 sq. ft. of it!* do you feel the sarcasm there! "WHERE IS YOUR MOTHER?"

Me-I AM IN THE SHOWER!"

Vootz-"Dad wants you."

Me-" I AM IN THE SHOWER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Rub-"Dubby bwoke my monter twuck foat (monster truck fort)!

Dub-"Sissy bite me!"

Me-"Leave the cat and your brother alone or I am gonna bite you!"

Dub and Rub-"But your in da chower!"

Me-"Ya think?"

Conversations With Rub

First let me say to all of you still complaining about it not being springy enough for you, too cold and too wet and still snowy....SHOOOSH! It is the second day of triple digits here and tomorrow it is suppose to be 102. I am not happy, especially because I've had to be out in the truck with no A/C yesterday and today. I do NOT want to be climbed on, hung on, patted on, whined at or even looked at for that matter, I am that miserable!
This afternoon I was laying on the bed under the A/C and ceiling fan in the dark trying not to be so miserable and this is the conversation I had with Rub.
Me-"What's this Rub? (pointing to his nose?)
Rub-"Dat's my nove."
Me-"What do you use your nose for?"
Rub-"I mell fings wif it."
Me-"What about these?"
Rub-"My eaws. I wiffen wif dem."
Me-"And this?"
Rub-"My mouf, I get in twubble wif it, cuv I wun it too much."
Me-LOL "And this?"
Rub-"Dats my bewy(belly), it keepf my food safe."
Me-LOL" And what's this Rub?"
Rub-"My bewy buttit (belly button), I put my finner in it and say Beep!"

Thinking PINK!

Wow how time flies! Where have the days gone? Oh yes, I remember...they have been sucked away by temper tantrums, messes that could put a hurricane to shame, poopy underwear, mountains of laundry, many uneaten meals followed by more tantrums mostly mine, followed by mountains of dishes, honey please could yous... and homework followed by more tantrums, and now we have added Cub Scouts as well as the Faith in God program.

I don't think I have enough going on around here so I thought I would add a little more to the mix. NO! I am not preggers again! I am training for my first ever 5k run. That's right I am going to RUN, for those of you who know me you can stop laughing anytime! For those of you who don't know me, I am NOT a runner, I am a great speed walker only because my legs are forever long and one of my strides equals three of a normal persons, but I am not now nor have I ever been a good runner. I have been thinking for about a year that it would be fun to do a charity run. I have several charities that I have a personal connection with like the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation (JC's 4y/o niece has diabetes), American Cancer Society (Many of my family members are battling cancer and many more family members lost their battle with cancer), American Heart Association (Grandpa died of heart disease) those foundations and many more but right now my legs are Racing for the Cure for the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation.



Now 5k is not that far, for those of you that are mathematically challenged ahem...yours truly it is only 3.1 miles. I have NO problems walking 3.1 miles and then some. The question is can I RUN 3.1 miles and turn in a decent time. I know it is not about competition, but I don't want to be the very last runner to cross the finish line either. So I am training. I am training first and foremost to be able to RUN for ALL 3.1 miles, but secondly to be able to run those 3.1 miles in 30 minutes. I think that is an attainable goal. I will keep you posted on my progress. This weekend should prove to be a pretty big challenge as it reaches triple digits which means I will have to be hauling my bum out of bed to run before the sun comes up or face the heat neither of which I do well.

I am doing this race with my dad, well...men and women race separately, but he is going to race too. We are racing in honor of my Aunt. She has just won her first and hopefully last battle with breast cancer! I am excited, not that I will have to be up at like 4 am on race day to get to Fresno on time but this will be a fun experience and a great way to spend time with my dad doing something good. Who knows the running bug might just bite me and I may have to give equal rights to all my near and dear foundations!

P.s. I am really enjoying the training, not because I am doing some good for myself, but because I am ALONE! It is my excuse to leave the house with no whiners in tow! BTW..have you done your BSE this month?

Shakin' It Like A Hillbillie Shakira!

Okay, so I probably should not like this song/video, but I do. It makes me want to dance! Like the girl in the video would be nice, wouldn't it? Honestly, wouldn't you like to be able to shake your bum like that? Not that I would or should shake it if I could except in the shower and maybe the bedroom, and hallway and possibly the kitchen...okay in my house and back yard I would also like to be able to shake it like Shakira! I have lofty expectations of what my 30 y/o, 30 pounds too heavy, post 4 babies bum can do, but it is fun to day dream about! I have even considered taking belly dancing classes to learn to do that. I read that belly dancing is the secret to being able to move like that, isolating your core. I think I might, anyone here want to join me? Maybe after that other class Lori? Willow? Alyssa? Anyway this is my fluff post for the month, I have many things to tell you about, but I am having a hard time getting them out my head the right way. See even that sentence came out wrong. I am going to rock out to some more YouTube trash, Good Night.

*Sorry for the links, the embedding was disabled.

Boys, Get Your Boys, $2.00 A Boy!

My children have not been eating their regularly scheduled meals. My grocery bills have been astronomical but my kids have not been eating their breakfast, lunch or dinner! My pantry is stocked for the first day maybe two after grocery shopping but then is empty. Where is all the food I just bought??? My kids have been raiding the pantry! I have taken loaves of bread out of the freezer at night to thaw out for lunches the next day...when I go to make the sandwiches, no bread. Let me re-phrase that, there are the end pieces and all the other pieces neatly burrowed out leaving just the crust. I have purchased boxes of "snacky snacks" (fruit snacks)only to open the cupboard the next afternoon to find empty boxes! You all know about the cake mix and sprinkles. I have pulled out the can of Easy Cheese that is stashed in the back of the pantry for JC and my late night cravings for all things processed, and the tip has practically been chewed off!

Finally JC decided he would put a locking door knob on the pantry and we would hide the keys in the top shelf of the freezer door under the peas. Yeah! Thank you JC! My pantry stayed not only stocked but organized!

Since the kids no longer had access to "graze" through the pantry, that meant they no longer had a chance to eat in the living room without me knowing. I took this opportunity to completely clean the living room of all the mystery stains. I pulled the cedar chest that the TV sits on away from the wall to vacuum under it, and HOLY HECK! It looked like a dumpster under there! NASTY! This is what I found...
Six Legos
Three colored pencils
Five broken crayons and their missing wrappers
Three playing cards
One torn up VHS box
Two pieces of paper
One coloring book
Three Thomas Trains
One dirty sock
Ten (YES 10)fruit snack wrappers
One KitKat wrapper
Four Fiber One granola bar wrappers
A whole pack worth of gum wrappers (will discuss in another post, stay tuned)
Three very crunchy flour tortillas with holes eaten through the middle
And one half eaten Pop-Tart

GROSS! Now just so you understand, I pull the furniture out and vacuum under it once a month, this whole stashing crap is a new thing going down at my house! I DO NOT LIKE IT! I WAS LIVID!!!! I have caught all four children in the act! It's a laziness thing. They are thinking if they stash the trash under the cedar chest, couch, dresser etc. then they don't have to get up off their BUM and put it in the trash can 30 feet away, or if they shove the toys under the nearest piece of furniture when mom says to clean up then they won't miss any part of that Scooby Doo episode they have seen fifteen times!

Four days of the pantry being locked down: It is ten minutes after breakfast (Rub dumped his in the sink) and I see Rub trying to hide something behind his back as he passes me in the living room.
Me-"Rub, what do you have?"
Rub-"Nuffing"
Me-"Rub *insert middle and last names here* show me your hands!"
He pulls his hands out to reveal a stack of tortillas, and by a stack I mean boy had like 13 flour tortillas in his hands. They were folded in half and he had taken a bite right out of the middle. So now I had 13 flour tortillas with holes in the middle that had been slimed by Rub! (Explanation to come in future post)
Rub-*pouting that, I know I am gonna get in so much trouble so let me look sweet and dejected so she will feel bad for me, pout* "I wuv hungwee!"
Me-"Next time eat your breakfast and you won't be hungry."

Arrr!!! Note to self JC, get lock for fridge!

Same afternoon...I see sticky hand prints on the front of the freezer door. I know for a fact they were not there at lunch time because I wiped down the fridge/freezer when I did the lunch dishes. HMMMM! Where might that sticky be coming from? Step closer to further investigate and my sock sticks to the floor. Sticky, white drips of thick, creamy substance on my floor. Open the freezer and spy the open, half eaten ice cream carton and many more drips!

ARRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!! Call Vootz, Rub and Dub by their first middle and last names and Buzzy by his nick, first, middle and last name! (That is when Buzz knows mommy REALLY means business, when she uses all FOUR names!)"Who has been in the ice cream?"
*crickets chirping*
"WHO has been in the ice cream?"
*shoulders shrugging*
"ALL OF YOU TO YOUR BEDS RIGHT NOW! GOOD NIGHT!"

Next morning 6:30 am: I see Dub walking around with Cheetos, Rub has Nillas, Vootz has fruit snacks and Buzz wants me to open a bag of marshmallows.
Me-"Where did you get those? Was the cupboard unlocked?" (Thinking...did I lock up last night after I got JC's snack?)
Vootz-"We found the key! It was in the freezer!" *said with a proud tone of accomplishment*
Me-"Uh-uh NO! Give me those Cheetos, Nillas, snacks and marshmallows NOWWWW!!!! You stay out of the kitchen PERIOD! Next one of you that passes this counter is gonna be grounded for a week!" When you get a job and start paying for the food in this house then you can come in the kitchen. Until then, stay out."
Buzz-"What... are we suppose to die of thirst?"
Me-"10,9,8,7,6.....JC I'm going shopping I will be back when I no longer feel like selling your boys to the gypsies!"

There's No Place Like Home...part three

The trip home was uneventful aside from me getting incredibly car sick. I did not puke but I was not well, I just wanted to go to bed. I got the boys all unloaded and the two little ones tucked into bed. I unloaded the car and was going to go to Checkers to get dinner for Vootz, Buzz and JC who I was pretty sure hadn't eaten all day since I was not home to fix him lunch. (I found out later he had gone to the deli for lunch, so no husbands were starved in the making of this anniversary party.) Like I was saying, I was going to go to Checkers but I could not find the keys to dad and J's car! I needed to lock it up before I left. Their car will not lock with out the key and I was not going to leave the car unlocked all night long parked on the street. I looked all over the house, all over the garage, in all the things I unloaded from the car, on JC's desk where I parked my bum while I greeted him and told him about my day, in my pockets, on the grass, in the car, on the street. NO KEYS!! My neighbor, the sweet one Dub loves, even came over and helped me look. I was crying like a baby! I was going to have to call and tell my dad, who was nice enough to lend me his car in the first place, that I could not find the keys! It is now dark! My kids and husband are hungry! I am now not only car sick but upset sick and I cannot find the keys ANYWHERE and I am PANICKING! I say a quick prayer for the guts to call dad. Finally I pull the middle seat forward for like the 4th time and sweep my hand under it again...Low and Behold I found the keys!! Lock the car and carry the keys directly to the cupboard in the kitchen. Phew! I am never borrowing anything from anyone again! First my kid pukes in their car and then I lose the keys! It's just too much! I can't handle the stress!

There's No Place Like Home...part two

Upon arriving at Dad's the boys immediately bale out of the car before I even get it in park, good thing I discussed the "Rules" (i.e. don't play with snakes) and the "Manners" (i.e. shake hands with the men and greet the women) on the way up because they were gone like the wind the moment their feet hit the cow pies (literally, I parked them right over a cow pie, thankfully old and dried)! Dub who can't undo his own buckle yet is yelling "get me outta heeya!" My family greets the kids on the porch with questions of how are ya and how was the drive? Upon seeing an undie clad four year old and the "prop me up in the corner with your most jumbo-ist (yes I realize this is not a word) Diet Pepsi" look on my face they realize the drive was not pleasant.

Let me give you a little pre-drive history. By the time we got on the road, an hour later than planned, I realized I had a headache. I was not about to go back to the house for Motrin so I did the next best thing, went through the drive thru and got an extra large Diet Pepsi! This Diet Pepsi was gone about 20 minutes into the hour long trip. Math lesson:
If Kiwi drinks 64oz of soda in 20 minutes and has 40 minutes left to drive (barring any... oh lets say puke stops!) and a human bladder can hold 16 ounces of fluid. At what rate does the fluid travel through her and is she going to make it before she pees her pants in front of 45 relatives?

My eyeballs are floating at this point, but mom's can't pee until the situation allows for it and obviously a streaking child, a puked on car and car seat and a bag full of pukey clothes, a bunch of relatives to greet and 4 kids to take pee the situation definitely did not allow it at this point. So I bathe and re-dress Rub in the extra clothes I brought, because I am brilliant like that. Rush all 4 kids to the toilet but not before Dub pees his pants. Bathe Dub and re-dress him. Start a load of laundry, scrub a car seat, seat of the car and spray them with Lysol(again, sorry dad and J, hope the smell leaves soon!) Greet all the relatives and add a few things to the "Rules" that I forgot, like don't walk through the field while the men are shooting, please stay on the path so they don't accidentally shoot you. And if you have to cross a fence or cattle guard it means you've gone too far! Now I can finally pee.

The rest of the day was filled with yummy food and crazy shenanigans. My family is wild! The boys played hard. I bathed them at dad's and jammied them up, again because I am MOM hear me ROAR! Number one reason to bathe them before we left, I wanted to leave the mountains in the mountains! I just cleaned my shower and they were DIRTY! Sorry J Number two reason, I knew they would fall asleep on the way home and then I could just put them to bed, and they did. Dub was asleep before we even crossed the cattle guard at the end of the drive way, Rub and Buzz were out about ten minutes down the road. The two little ones stayed asleep when we got home but Buzz woke up and needed to eat, I wonder why? Couldn't be because all he ate all day was Cheetos, strawberries and root beer! When I was a kid I loved tri-tip, beans and french bread and can't imagine anyone not loving that meal but my kids won't touch it, so they dined on all the things Uncle D brought from Frito Lay/Pepsi CO (he works there. The kids think he is the greatest because he brings huge boxes of Cheetos, peanuts and all manor of junk food! We will pick up part three the final installment tomorrow.