Friday, January 23, 2009

World's Greatest Craving - Appetite Suppressor

I have been very disgusted with myself lately. I have wanted to eat right and go to the gym and lose this extra weight. I start my morning with good intentions, a bowl of oatmeal with some fruit and a cup of milk. Lunch is usually okay, but by two I am into the cookies or making cupcakes just so I can eat the batter. By the time JC gets home and we have dinner and get the boys to bed I am exhausted and feeling defeated...again. Today was different. I started out bad, biscuits and gravy for breakfast followed by a cookie. Then I got better by having an all fruit smoothie for lunch. Made plans to go to the gym tonight with a friend. Ate a reasonable dinner. Things were starting to look hopeful. Then JC thought we could watch a movie together...there goes the gym. So I figure I will go first thing in the morning. No big deal.

While getting the kids ready for bed I notice Buzz is unusually itchy even for him. Get a closer look at his stomach and he is covered from clavicle to hips in a red splotchy rash. I called Angela, because Pfizer did not ever send me that life time supply of Children's Benedryl and of course I am out...again. Run across the street in the rain to barrow take some Benedryl, she and I both know she won't be getting it back, that's one of the great things about our friendship. Drug up Buzz and give in to his pleas to let them stay up and watch Star Wars the Clone Wars. Go to the office to affirm that no one loves me check my email . Vootz comes in holding his stomach and whining about how bad it really hurts this time. (He is notorious for faking sick). So I told him to go drink a glass of warm water and then try to poop. Off he goes looking more than dejected. I start looking for something to prove that someone, somewhere loves me. Facebook...nope, Myspace...nada, =TPE=...zilch. I start thinking I need a cookie. I am bored and lonely and a cookie is the magic cure for that right? Then I hear, "Mooom!" and then something splashing to the floor. Vootz is standing in the hallway heavin' up Jonah! Ughh! I am feeling like the World's Worst Mom award will be headed my way.

I usher Vootz to the toilet and tell him not to move. He continues to puke while I go to clean up the hallway.
JC hollers from the office, "Uuuf Honeeeey!"
I respond with, "I don't want to hear it! My face is 8 inches from it and you are down the hall and in another room!" So instead of getting out of his chair and closing the office door himself, he calls in Buzz from the living room, who has to walk down the hallway I am scrubbing to close the office door for him.
Buzz- "Eww! What's that smell? Oh gross! Who's mac and cheese and hot dog throw up is that?" real healthy dinner I know so shoot me I was being lazy.
Finish with the hall and help Vootz clean himself up, get him a bucket to cling to for the night and put all of them to bed. Spray the house down with Lysol and remember I should probably call Julie to tell her Buzz has a rash since he was at her house all afternoon and call Angela to tell her Vootz is chuckin' since he was at her house today. The good news is I don't want a cookie anymore. I am tired and I want to go to bed. No movie, no gym, PLEASE no more vomit! Of course as I typed that exclamation point Vootz started yackin' again. It's gonna be a fun night.


Willow said...

I am afraid you have some competition for Worst Mother of the Year. Monday, my two geniuses decided to go play at a friend's house. No... they didn't have permission. They took off on their bikes on a 1/2 mile joy ride across 2 super busy streets. Meanwhile, I am outside calling... calling... and calling for them and knocking on the neighbor's doors. Thanks to a text from the parents (aka the Handys), we tracked them down, drug them home, and grounded them for a good long while.

When asked why they left G-Force said that he wanted to run away to get a new family. He wants parents who don't punish naughty children and let the kids play video games before homework and chores are complete. HA!! Goodluck with that!

Willow said...

By the way... I love ya!!

Beyla said...

fascinated, like when you see someone fall down real hard and it's like you see it all in slow motion I read your post and ate my mexican coconut candy and drank my lethaly hot decaf coffee and it was goooood and I felt baaad and that's a little good too but I keep thinking to myself.. Vasectomy.


I am good at taking care of sick people. I must have cleaned up vommit by the gallon. (I have worked in too many hospitals) But there at least, you get paid for it!! And you get to have an end to your shift!! I have to say I admire your ability NOT to kill your DH. Mine would have been whipped into action with a whole lot of cussing, erh, I mean, with a whole lot of positive comments.. mhm. ;)

I'm so impressed with you!!

JR Hart said...

I'll try and get Eaglez to get me admin rights on Vent so then I can kick JC off in times of emergency (kids throwing up, no cookie dough in the house), haha!