All this is very deep I know. Before you diagnose me as bipolar let me explain what built this beast of a roller coaster to begin with.
When JC was farming, I was neither here nor there about it. It was his job, I missed him when he was gone and I hated that for several months a year there was NO income and never any benefits. On the flip side, I loved that we were in agriculture ( I have very deep ag roots), I loved that he owned his own business and when he had to he could not go to work, mostly to save my bum for some situation I'd managed to get myself in,
When JC decided to quit in December I was also here nor there but frantically started searching for jobs because insecurity freaks me out! So for the last six months I have been searching the entire North American Continent (well mostly the western states and western Canada) for jobs. I have sent out probably 60+ resumes and have had one response from a company here. That response we had to turn down because it seems it was posted wrong and won't even pay enough to cover our rent, much less groceries for the growing appetites of our boys. I have however had responses from a few out of state companies. There is the foundation for this roller coaster.
To be continued...