Thursday, June 5, 2008

Six Flags Kiwi Style

Do you like roller coasters? I love roller coasters! I love them so much in fact that I have managed to create my very own roller coaster. It is however not a fun, Six Flags kind of ride. It is my very own emotional roller coaster. I ride this emotional roller coaster several times a day. Some days I start out on top of that roller coaster, waiting to feel the wind rush through my hair and feel like I am soaring like a bird on the wind currents of life. Then there are the days I start at the bottom of the roller coaster. The excitement has ceased and the adrenalin is gone. The climb back to the top so very iffy clank. clank. clank. and sometimes I wonder if that chain is gonna slip and send me crashing back to the bottom before I get to the top. Where I start the day depends on the dreams I had the night before. Sometimes I even start in that very iffy half way up position. Feel the optimistic attitude in "half way up" not down, that drives JC nuts, he is the half way down kinda of guy.

All this is very deep I know. Before you diagnose me as bipolar let me explain what built this beast of a roller coaster to begin with.

When JC was farming, I was neither here nor there about it. It was his job, I missed him when he was gone and I hated that for several months a year there was NO income and never any benefits. On the flip side, I loved that we were in agriculture ( I have very deep ag roots), I loved that he owned his own business and when he had to he could not go to work, mostly to save my bum for some situation I'd managed to get myself in, like oh, being knocked up and in labor. I loved that he was home in the winter. I loved to go out with him in the middle of the night to change water or bale hay. I did not even mind moving irrigation pipe in 115 degree heat. And face it I think his tractor's sexy! Just makin' sure you're still listening.

When JC decided to quit in December I was also here nor there but frantically started searching for jobs because insecurity freaks me out! So for the last six months I have been searching the entire North American Continent (well mostly the western states and western Canada) for jobs. I have sent out probably 60+ resumes and have had one response from a company here. That response we had to turn down because it seems it was posted wrong and won't even pay enough to cover our rent, much less groceries for the growing appetites of our boys. I have however had responses from a few out of state companies. There is the foundation for this roller coaster.

To be continued...


Anonymous said...

Ack! I was reading and the roller coaster just stopped. No worries, I know you have a family to take care of before blogging; I am eagerly anticipating part 2.


Syndy said...

Moving out of state... Very scary but the best thing we've ever done. You know they have lots of corn farmers here in Ill. Hope things go well for you. I also have an emotional roller coaster and it seems the older the kids get the bigger the coaster.