The thought of moving away to a new town, new state, new house, starting a new job, new friends beginning a new chapter of our lives together with a clean slate is kind of exciting. Having to rely on each other and knowing that everything is new to both of us and together we will forge this new path. That is one of those atop the first big hill of the roller coaster kind of moments. It's a new and exciting unknown kind of high.
Then there is the reality that we know NO ONE! We have no external support system. What if we move in the middle of winter to a town that has four feet of snow and JC is called out right away for a job that will take five days to do and I have no fire wood cut
I love my neighbors that I have now.
When I am awake I can pretty much control my roller coaster. Meaning, when I start getting all teary eyed at the thought of Dub having to kiss his Heavver goodbye and me having to explain to our family that we are leaving, and to the boys that they will have to make new friends in a new school, I can pretty much start thinking about the adventure of it all and end up back on top. When I am asleep however I have ZERO control of my roller coaster, this leads to a VERY bad nights sleep, which in turn leads to JC having a bad night too. (Sorry Honey.) Off topic sorry. Some nights I wake up terrified, others just sad and crying, others the adrenalin is rushing through me so fast thinking about the adventures that lay ahead I wake up ready to bound out of bed at two a.m. Whatever my last thoughts were of before I wake up for the day are generally a good indicator of where I will start my morning until something sends me crashing back to the bottom or holding my breath at the top with eager anticipation.
The stupid thing about this whole roller coaster is this, I MAKE MYSELF RIDE! Yes, you read that right. I am putting myself through all this when JC doesn't even have a job anywhere yet. We could be staying right here in Smogtown. I make myself ride however, because IF we do decide to leave, it will be fast. I am talking here one week gone the next. So if I don't get a hold of all my emotions and prepare myself now for what may or may not be I will be stuck in a town with no support system, a husband at work and sobbing on the kitchen floor in front of my boys. I have to be able to be strong and deal when (and if) I do move. So now I figure is the best time to be a basket case, when I have family and friends around to support me in all my irrational thoughts.
Speaking of irrational thoughts and neighbors, I just lost mine. Irrational thought that is, because my neighbor "Dub's Heavver" just came over to barrow my cell phone charger, because we are great neighbors and friends, we do these things. I bake them bread, they mow my lawn. It's that kind of neighbor that I am afraid I won't be able to find in another town. As if I have the only one to ever exist right here in Smogtown. I know, irrational. Like it or lump it's my roller coaster.