Scrubbing floors in bathrooms, behind toilets *shivers, gags*, scrubbing walls, showers, counters, sinks. Answer the phone.
JC- My truck won't start. You need to come get me.
(my kind, sweet husband, always thinking about what I need)*look at clothes, look at hair, look at sans makeup face*
Me- Where exactly are you?
JC- At the ranch.
(Hmm. pretty safe bet no one will be around.)
Me- Alright, on my way.
JC- Hurry up would ya.
(gotta hot date? *looks in mirror, shutters* not with me.)
Me- Yes darling. Bye.
Get to the ranch, look around, yep pretty saf.....ugh another person. Try to stay concealed while JC gathers his things and gets in. We drive away and NOT toward home. Squirming, anxiety, perspiration, irritation. Pull up to very nice equipment yard. See nice looking man with beautiful wife and daughter. Die a thousand deaths. Try to sink down and go unnoticed. Unsuccessful. Beautiful wife and daughter approach, open door and introduce themselves to us. Very sweet. *pray I had a nice Fairy Godmother wave her magic wand over me while I wasn't looking. Thankful I had at least brushed my teeth and used deodorant that morning.* Drive away *think of ways to torture JC for this*. Miss our street. *fuming, squirming, perspiration, anxiety,* Pull up to gas station. JC fills my tank. *Think about forgiving him sooner or later...maybe*
Rub- Mom, dad has a lot of old hair right there.
Me- What do you mean "old hair" Rub? Why do you think it is old?
Rub- It's all white mom. Like old people.
*okay, had a laugh at his expense, got a tank of gas I might forgive him sooner rather than later.
On the road again, in the wrong direction again. Pull up at the barber shop. *Give thanks, they are closed* Headed the wrong way still. Pull up at the grocery store.
JC- I'll just pull up to the door, you can jump out and get things you need and I will find a parking spot.
Me- Let's just go home and I will go to the store Monday.
JC- We're already out. Just go.
*So NOT forgiving him.
Universal Law # 121
If you wear faded, bleach stained, holey yoga pants, baggie sweatshirt, no make up and have frizzy bed head hair you WILL be seen.
If you do your hair and make up every day and dress nicely, you will see NO ONE ALL DAY LONG, until you spill something down your front, or get spit up on etc.
Universal Law # 122
If you spent three days doing major house work, no one will will ever see it before it gets messed up again.
If your house looks like it could be the local landfill, expect company.
Universal Law # 123
If you have just gone grocery shopping, baked/ cooked up enough food for an army and have clean dishes to serve it up on, no one will ever stop by.
If you only have oatmeal and eggs and pickle relish left and all your dishes are in the dishwasher, expect company.