I Drown You In The Name of The Father....

Dub makes me laugh most all day long. When he is not making me laugh he is being so tender and sweet it almost makes me cry. I had a VERY EXPIRED roll of B&W film in my camera bag. I wasn't sure these shots would turn out all that great but we had fun taking them and I was very happy to see they turned out so well.

Funny Dub saying of the week:
We were talking about how Buzz only has seven months left before he gets baptized and Dub says "Mom, zero more until my bathtism."
Me- "baPtsim Dub, and you have 3 1/2 more years."
Dub- "Nooa! It's bathtism. You know when you get in that bathtub at the church and Dad drowns you down."

See, always making me laugh. Love this boy!

Mom, MD

Monday morning I called the doctor to make appointments for the boys to be seen for their sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, fevers and sore throats. I know you just said, "so you can rest medicine" didn't you? And an appointment for me to see my doctor about my crazy heart. I would not normally take them in for these symptoms but my mommy intuition said this is more than just colds. I was sure Vootz had a sinus infection, Dub had an ear infection and I was fairly positive the other two had pneumonia...again. The appointment nurse took all the names and id numbers for my kids and all their symptoms and said, "For the boys, I have one appointment at 1:00 today, an appointment at 2:00 and 2:45 tomorrow and an appointment at 9:00 on Friday. Who would you like seen first?"

First thought, ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME!! You want me to 1. Expose my family to the germy waiting room three different times, so they have three times the likelihood of coming home with more than we arrived with. and 2. You want me to pick which miserable child gets to feel better soonest. No! No! No!

Second thought, Don't argue with appointment lady it will get you put on hold indefinitely. "Umm, how about scheduling Buzz for 1:00 today and I will just have Dr. S see the others while we are there, because he will, because he is a good man, and I hate pulling the psycho mom who makes the medical assistants day a nightmare routine but so help me I will if I have to! take the others to the urgent care."

"Okay mam, now for you I have a 1:00 today."

"Ummm, that's kinda not gonna work if the Buzz is being seen at 1:00"

"You're not bringing someone with you to help?"

"Nooo."

"Oh, well can you bring someone with you?"

"Nooo."

"Oh, okay. Well how about at 2:00 then?"

"Great."

Dr. S saw all the boys, just like I knew he would. Vootz has a sinus infection. Dub has an ear infection, and the other two have pneumonia. Three hours and $50 in co-pays later I left knowing exactly what I knew when I got there. Except I had to have someone with MD behind his name say that so I could get the $120 worth of prescriptions and a referral.

Go Back To Bed

Friday 2 am...
Awakened by sniffs and sneezes from the boys room. Bring Vootz tissues, trash can and cold medicine. Go back to bed.

Saturday 1 am...
Awakened by sniffs, whining and sneezes from boys room. Bring Dub tissues and wipe his nose for him because he still has not mastered that concept. He can write his name, Rub's name, mom, dad and Batman but he cannot figure out how to blow his nose. Give him cold medicine. Go back to bed.

Sunday 2am...
Awakened by tossing and turning in my bed. Get JC Tums. Go back to bed.

Monday 3am...
Awakened by snoring in my bed. Elbow JC in the ribs.

Tuesday 2am...
Awakened by a noise that sounds like our back door closing. Elbow JC in the ribs. Send him into the living room to find out who is in our house. Don't worry I sent a weapon with him. Checked my kids to make sure they were all still in their beds, checked the locks on all the windows and doors. Make sure my car is still in the drive way. Must have been the neighbors door. Add one more reason to my list of why I do not like the city. Go back to bed.

Wednesday 4 am...
Awakened by "mommy I'm scared". Tuck Buzz in on the floor by my bed. Go back to bed.

Thursday 3 am...
Awakened by horrible wheezing coming from the boys room. Give Dub a breathing treatment. Go back to bed.

Friday 1 am...
Awakened by Dueling coughs in the boys room. Give Buzz and Rub cough meds and puffs. Go back to bed.

Saturday too tired to care what time it was...
Awakened by "Hunny, you awake?" "I am now"

Sunday 4:30 am...
Awakened by crying in the boys room. Dub has a fever and ear ache. Give him motrin and ear drops. Go back to bed.

Monday 8 am...
Call the doctor. Wish I could go back to bed!

Universal Law #'s 121 and 122

Scrubbing floors in bathrooms, behind toilets *shivers, gags*, scrubbing walls, showers, counters, sinks. Answer the phone.

Me- Hello.
JC- My truck won't start. You need to come get me.
(my kind, sweet husband, always thinking about what I need)*look at clothes, look at hair, look at sans makeup face*
Me- Where exactly are you?
JC- At the ranch.
(Hmm. pretty safe bet no one will be around.)
Me- Alright, on my way.
JC- Hurry up would ya.
(gotta hot date? *looks in mirror, shutters* not with me.)
Me- Yes darling. Bye.

Get to the ranch, look around, yep pretty saf.....ugh another person. Try to stay concealed while JC gathers his things and gets in. We drive away and NOT toward home. Squirming, anxiety, perspiration, irritation. Pull up to very nice equipment yard. See nice looking man with beautiful wife and daughter. Die a thousand deaths. Try to sink down and go unnoticed. Unsuccessful. Beautiful wife and daughter approach, open door and introduce themselves to us. Very sweet. *pray I had a nice Fairy Godmother wave her magic wand over me while I wasn't looking. Thankful I had at least brushed my teeth and used deodorant that morning.* Drive away *think of ways to torture JC for this*. Miss our street. *fuming, squirming, perspiration, anxiety,* Pull up to gas station. JC fills my tank. *Think about forgiving him sooner or later...maybe*

Rub- Mom, dad has a lot of old hair right there.
Me- What do you mean "old hair" Rub? Why do you think it is old?
Rub- It's all white mom. Like old people.
*okay, had a laugh at his expense, got a tank of gas I might forgive him sooner rather than later.
On the road again, in the wrong direction again. Pull up at the barber shop. *Give thanks, they are closed* Headed the wrong way still. Pull up at the grocery store.

JC- I'll just pull up to the door, you can jump out and get things you need and I will find a parking spot.

Me- Let's just go home and I will go to the store Monday.

JC- We're already out. Just go.

*So NOT forgiving him.

Universal Law # 121
If you wear faded, bleach stained, holey yoga pants, baggie sweatshirt, no make up and have frizzy bed head hair you WILL be seen.

If you do your hair and make up every day and dress nicely, you will see NO ONE ALL DAY LONG, until you spill something down your front, or get spit up on etc.

Universal Law # 122
If you spent three days doing major house work, no one will will ever see it before it gets messed up again.

If your house looks like it could be the local landfill, expect company.

Universal Law # 123
If you have just gone grocery shopping, baked/ cooked up enough food for an army and have clean dishes to serve it up on, no one will ever stop by.

If you only have oatmeal and eggs and pickle relish left and all your dishes are in the dishwasher, expect company.

Dub...enough said.

Dub- Mom, we need to go to Target. Not to buy the Bat Spider but to buy kitty litter for sis.

Me- No. I don't need kitty litter for sis.

Dub- Yesss! She's hungry!

Me- Sis doesn't eat kitty litter, Dub. She goes to the bathroom in it.

Dub- Well we need to go get some cat food for her.

Me- No I have plenty of cat food at home.

Dub- Oh. Well if poo just comes out of her bum we need to put her on the toilet. Not our toilet. Her toilet, she's too small for our toilet, she'll just fall in down the hole and then we won't be able to give her gentle pets. But can we go to Target anyway? Not for the Bat Spider but for...umm...to just look at it?

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Conversations from this summer:

Me- Dub, we're going swimming get your flip flops on.
Dub- I'ne just gonna wear my Indie boots (Uggs)

Me- Dub, we need to go get Rub from school, get your flip flops on.
Dub- I just wanna wear my boots.

Me- Dub, it's 115 degrees outside, please leave your boots home and put your flip flops on we are going to the park.
Dub- That's ok. I will just be fine in my boots.

Recent conversations

Me- Dub lets go. Put your boots on we need to take the boys to school.
Dub- I can't find my flip flops.
Me- Dub it is 40 degrees outside! Put on your boots!
Dub- Ugh! All right!

Me- Dub, get your rain boots on we need to go to the school.
Dub- Ok mom.
Me- Dub those are not your boots. Those are sandals.
Dub- I just wanna wear 'em.
Me- Dub it is cold and rainy! PUT YOUR BOOTS ON!
Dub- I'll just wear my tennis shoes.

In the parking lot at the school ten minutes later...

Me- Watch out for the....ugh...puddle.
Dub- Sorry mom.
Me- Dub, why did you just jump in that puddle with your NEW WHITE SHOES?
Dub- I just did.
Me- Oh, ok. You just did. Hmm that tells me so much. Please do not jump in any more puddles unless you have your rain boots on.
Dub- Ok mom. I shouldn't jump in the mud too huh? That would be yucky.
Me- Very good. No mud.

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Mrs. MK- Hey batman how are you today?
Dub- Good.
Mrs. MK- Are you looking for the Joker?
Dub- Nope. Riddler Goons!
Mrs. MK- Ok. Well good luck. See Ya Later Bruce Wayne.
Dub- Bye. Mom she talks funny.
Me- She talks funny? You do realize that you are the one using the deep southern accent in California right, and you think SHE talks funny?