Monday, June 15, 2009

Wanna Make A Bet?

I bet you cannot read this post and not laugh out loud. I do not have time to be original tonight so here is an email from my mom. Enjoy...


This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to
Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and
preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, my wife is like
most women - she loved to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local


Dear Mrs. Gilbert,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion
in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to
ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Gilbert are
listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's
carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
women's restroom.

4 July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice,
'Code 3 in Housewares... Get on it right away.'

5.. August 4:
Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7.. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other
shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets
from the bedding department.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying
and screamed, 'W why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a
mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked
the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming
the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look'
by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through
yelled, 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
assumed a fetal position and screamed, 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
And last, but not least...

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile,
then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'



Haha! You snorted admit it!


Beyla said...

faaaaaaaaaaantastic!!! Hhahahhaa... I can never-ever show this to Paul, he will see it as "inspiration".... goodness save us all

Kendra said...

THat is way to funny.

Kendra said...

That is way to funny

JR Hart said...

Me and a buddy used to fake narcolepsi and collapse and fall over, run into the front glass doors, and see how far we could slide down the aisles, especially after they had waxed the floors...

All in Wal-mart...

Jeff and Holly said...

Dang it all that is funny! I am busting a gut and trying to figure out how to copy it!