Sunday, April 19, 2009

Important Topic Ahead...

I have been searching for the perfect pair of jeans almost all my life. Way back in my college days, I had a pair of Levis that I LOVED! They fit me perfect. The length was just right, not too long and not too short. I could wear them with flats and not have them drag or I could wear them with a little heel and not have them be too short. The rise was perfect too. No "mom jean my bum looks twice as long as it really is because the pockets of my pants go half way up my back." and no "so low I can't wear those without getting a bikini wax first". I could also say no muffin top, but back then I didn't have a muffin top to worry about, that's just how it is when you live on oatmeal and ramen noodles, ahh the college life. They weren't so tight that I had to lay down and use pliers to zip them not that I know how to do that or anything, like I've ever worn my pants that tight...really They were broke in just right and they fit me the same at the end of the day as they did when I put them on in the morning. I have never been able to find a pair of jeans that were quite as good as those Levis, and trust me I have tried.

When you go shopping for jeans you have so many styles to choose from. You have to consider the rise, the leg width, the color, the material, are they for super casual wear or dressy casual wear, do you want to spend extra money for someone to have already half destroyed them for you....the list goes on and on.

What frustrates me to no end is this. I can try on a pair of jeans in the dressing room and do the check list...
1. Bum looks good?...check
2. Long enough?...check (at 5'11" this one is not the easiest to find)
3. Not too tight?...check
4. Not too loose?...check
5. Can sit, bend, squat comfortably?...check
6. Don't need to win the lotto to be able to afford them?...check
and then when I get them home and wash them they are either...

1. Too tight
2. Too short
3. Too tight just in the waist band
4. Have SBS, otherwise known as SAGGING BUTT SYNDROME (generally caused by the use of 1% Spandex). This SBS at first is exciting, you pull the jeans straight from the dryer, give a little shake and send up a prayer that they didn't shrink. You step in one leg at a time, holding your breath. You pull them up and start to rejoice thinking you've invented a new miracle weight loss diet consisting of Diet Pepsi and Chocolate donuts because not only did those jeans just slide right up over your hips, they are buttoning with ease and feel a tad looser than they did at the store. This euphoria is short lived though because after about an hour you start to notice you are constantly tugging your jeans back up where they are suppose to be, you notice it looks like you have a load of anything but nice rear end in your pants, after about three hours you find yourself interrupting your errands to hunt down a belt at the nearest Target and after that we all know your errands aren't going to get finished because, well you're at Target! When you get home and take off your belt, with out even unbuttoning them your pants fall down around your ankles on your way to your room. You kick them into the corner of "clothes I should never wear again, but will eventually because at some point before I decide to wash the mountain of laundry in the other corner of the room I will need something to wear."

If I buy the pants a little loose hoping they will shrink, they won't. If I buy them fitting perfect hoping they won't shrink, they will or worse, they will get SBS. If I buy them a little snug thinking they will get SBS, they won't. Anyway I strike it, they all end up in the same stack of wasted money on my closet floor.


JR Hart said...

LOL! You take something that should be simple (well, maybe only for us guys) and turn into something really complicated.

Though I do understand how the perfect jeans are so hard to find. There are good jeans.. and really great jeans.

Maria said...

i think i just end up wearing them all for everyday even if they're saggers...and believe me, that is my number one problem! i feel your pain.

Jeff and Holly said...

Oh, you are the best EVER! I love your stories, they are so perfectly true. I feel your pain. Pants are soooooo impossible to get right. I found a couple I LOVE, but since my wt goes up and down by 5 lbs, they only fit half of the time. My sister just gave me 7 pairs of pants, I love them, but I need to loose 5 lbs to actually look good in them. ;0( oh well. Hope you find those perfect jeans soon. May I suggest getting the same pants you got last time only in one size smaller?