There's No Place Like Home...part two

Upon arriving at Dad's the boys immediately bale out of the car before I even get it in park, good thing I discussed the "Rules" (i.e. don't play with snakes) and the "Manners" (i.e. shake hands with the men and greet the women) on the way up because they were gone like the wind the moment their feet hit the cow pies (literally, I parked them right over a cow pie, thankfully old and dried)! Dub who can't undo his own buckle yet is yelling "get me outta heeya!" My family greets the kids on the porch with questions of how are ya and how was the drive? Upon seeing an undie clad four year old and the "prop me up in the corner with your most jumbo-ist (yes I realize this is not a word) Diet Pepsi" look on my face they realize the drive was not pleasant.

Let me give you a little pre-drive history. By the time we got on the road, an hour later than planned, I realized I had a headache. I was not about to go back to the house for Motrin so I did the next best thing, went through the drive thru and got an extra large Diet Pepsi! This Diet Pepsi was gone about 20 minutes into the hour long trip. Math lesson:
If Kiwi drinks 64oz of soda in 20 minutes and has 40 minutes left to drive (barring any... oh lets say puke stops!) and a human bladder can hold 16 ounces of fluid. At what rate does the fluid travel through her and is she going to make it before she pees her pants in front of 45 relatives?

My eyeballs are floating at this point, but mom's can't pee until the situation allows for it and obviously a streaking child, a puked on car and car seat and a bag full of pukey clothes, a bunch of relatives to greet and 4 kids to take pee the situation definitely did not allow it at this point. So I bathe and re-dress Rub in the extra clothes I brought, because I am brilliant like that. Rush all 4 kids to the toilet but not before Dub pees his pants. Bathe Dub and re-dress him. Start a load of laundry, scrub a car seat, seat of the car and spray them with Lysol(again, sorry dad and J, hope the smell leaves soon!) Greet all the relatives and add a few things to the "Rules" that I forgot, like don't walk through the field while the men are shooting, please stay on the path so they don't accidentally shoot you. And if you have to cross a fence or cattle guard it means you've gone too far! Now I can finally pee.

The rest of the day was filled with yummy food and crazy shenanigans. My family is wild! The boys played hard. I bathed them at dad's and jammied them up, again because I am MOM hear me ROAR! Number one reason to bathe them before we left, I wanted to leave the mountains in the mountains! I just cleaned my shower and they were DIRTY! Sorry J Number two reason, I knew they would fall asleep on the way home and then I could just put them to bed, and they did. Dub was asleep before we even crossed the cattle guard at the end of the drive way, Rub and Buzz were out about ten minutes down the road. The two little ones stayed asleep when we got home but Buzz woke up and needed to eat, I wonder why? Couldn't be because all he ate all day was Cheetos, strawberries and root beer! When I was a kid I loved tri-tip, beans and french bread and can't imagine anyone not loving that meal but my kids won't touch it, so they dined on all the things Uncle D brought from Frito Lay/Pepsi CO (he works there. The kids think he is the greatest because he brings huge boxes of Cheetos, peanuts and all manor of junk food! We will pick up part three the final installment tomorrow.

Cazy Addict Lady Rambles On and On and On...

So I have come to the conclusion that I might be starting to have an addiction problem. I roll out of bed in the morning and chug from the 2l jug pour a glass of Diet Pepsi to drink with my Kellog's Special K Red Berry waffle, everyone else drinks coffee for their morning caffeine boost, so why can't I drink a Diet Pepsi? I return to the bottle several times through out the day. Come to think of it, I return to the waffles several times through out the day too. I decided I was probably drinking more soda than a person really needed to unless that person is JC, in which case just hook up the IV it will save many trips back and forth to the kitchen and also the constant flow guarantees your safety, because when actual blood flows through his veins he gets kinda cranky! , so I decided NO more soda. I decided that I should probably drink milk with my waffle like normal people do and have more water and maybe some juice when I needed a little pick me up. Man, I turned into a ...well lets just say I was not a nice person to be around. I decided to gradually wean myself off the soda slowly for the safety and well being of those around me and while I was at it I should probably start eating something other than those waffles for breakfast before I got addicted to those too... ahh who are we kidding, it was too late for that too. I needed to set some guidelines like, pour my soda into a cup, no more sneak chugging from the bottle (before you get all grossed out btw, I am the ONLY person who drinks that soda. I do NOT share my soda yet another sign that I might just have a problem!) I decided that I could fill my special (12oz) glass with soda twice a day.

I thought I was doing good until, and here is where it gets shady...I noticed that when I would pour JC a glass of Dr. Pepper, some how before I could get it from the kitchen to the office, I would have to go back and refill it two or three times. Now, I had to ask myself, does this count? I only filled my special glass twice a day, I did not chug -a- lug from the jug, I am following my guidelines. Isn't it like when you are counting calories and while you are clearing the table you just kinda nibble the left overs ...those calories don't count because you did not actually put them on your plate right? My BFF Melissita assures me they don't count, but my Weight Watchers coach says they do. Dang it! So right about the time I came to the realization that I was probably not doing a great job weaning myself off the diet soda or dieting for that matter, I got sick. I went days with nothing more than water and a handful of pretzels. Until my food addiction kicked in and we did Mauricios. But, I realized that I had a good jump start on my problem! Yea me! Then my other BFF Angela brought me a Vitamin Water to help me feel better. Now guess what? You guessed it! I am hooked on Vitamin Water. I have kicked the soda habit and traded it for a higher calorie, sugar filled water. But hey, it is full of vitamins! Listen to the crazy addict lady justify her addiction!

Oh, and yes, I started W.W. again because I am an addict! I am addicted to food, I am addicted to sugary 1%juice waters with vitamins, I am addicted to frozen waffles, I am addicted to cinnamon bears, Sour Patch Kids, Yorks and Milk Duds, chocolate donutettes and sausage MrGriddles. And being addicted to those things has the fat cells addicted to my bum, and they are breeding and multiplying folks! It's not good. 1 pound down before I ate a half a bag of Doritos, a jelly donut and two Vitamin Waters 19 pounds to go! Now if I could just get addicted to exercise!

The Selves as Compulsive Eaters

Here is a list of the characters in this story.
Taste Buds to be played by Badself
Stomach to be played by Goodself/Common Sense
Do you see where we are going here?

So, incase you hadn't already figured out, I am a light weight. Not literally, I carry more chub than I should, but when it comes to medications it doesn't take much to make me "out of it" or very "hung over feeling". Which are not feelings that I am particularly fond of. After more than fourty-eight hours of being under the influence of very strong prescription medications, and unable to eat due to the "hung over" feeling...

Taste Buds- "Its been fourty-eight hours! You are a compulsive eater, You don't go fourty-eight minutes without food! And it's been TWO DAYS since we've tasted anything except chlorinated water and cough syrup that tastes like rubbing alcohol. We need FOOOOD!"

Stomach-I agree, it is time to eat something. Maybe some French Onion Soup from Mimi's. That sounds good and easy to stomach.

Taste Buds- Soup? Are you joking? No! No! No! Italian! Cheesey, garlic breadsticks and chicken fettucini alfredo from Joseph's and a large diet pepsi, we need pepsi.

Stomach- not on your life, I'll never be able to keep that down. Maybe some minestrone soup, plain bread sticks and herbal tea.

Taste Buds- No, wait! Mexican! Chips and hot salsa with guacamole, wet chilie verde burrito from Mauricios and the diet pepsi. MMM! That's it! That's what I want and I won't settle for anything less. I will crave that until I get it, making us miserable.

Stomach-Oh, we'll be miserable alright. Anyway, you strike it I lose.

You all know what it is like to have an unsatisfied craving don't you? It eats at you. It is constantly on your mind. You dream about it, you smell it, this sentence is making me sound like a weirdo! Anyway, I decide to skip a dose of cough meds, so my stomach will settle enough to eat something. I decided that Mauricio's was what I really what I wanted only being five minutes away was the best choice, so as not to have to drive down town, while I was so sick and exhausted. We all remember my last trip downtown right? 'Nuff said. So off to Mauricio's we went with total disreguard for the other diners and their health because dang it I was hungry and didn't have any food in the house because I had been sick in bed for a week and no one else knows where the grocery store is.
Long story not so short, I ate some chips and salsa and two diet pepsis, took two bites of my burrito and was about to heave up Jonah, spew, blow chunks. feeling less than well. JC couldn't pay that bill fast enough! I had never been so relieved to be standing outside in the middle of the night in February wearing nothing but jeans and a t-shirt. Until the shivers started. Do you know what it is like to be nausiated, and achy all over and get the shivers? The good news is, all the salsa really cleared my congestion.
Next day...
The left overs are calling.....
Yes, yes I did! What part of compulsive eater did you not understand?