There's No Place Like Home...part two

Upon arriving at Dad's the boys immediately bale out of the car before I even get it in park, good thing I discussed the "Rules" (i.e. don't play with snakes) and the "Manners" (i.e. shake hands with the men and greet the women) on the way up because they were gone like the wind the moment their feet hit the cow pies (literally, I parked them right over a cow pie, thankfully old and dried)! Dub who can't undo his own buckle yet is yelling "get me outta heeya!" My family greets the kids on the porch with questions of how are ya and how was the drive? Upon seeing an undie clad four year old and the "prop me up in the corner with your most jumbo-ist (yes I realize this is not a word) Diet Pepsi" look on my face they realize the drive was not pleasant.

Let me give you a little pre-drive history. By the time we got on the road, an hour later than planned, I realized I had a headache. I was not about to go back to the house for Motrin so I did the next best thing, went through the drive thru and got an extra large Diet Pepsi! This Diet Pepsi was gone about 20 minutes into the hour long trip. Math lesson:
If Kiwi drinks 64oz of soda in 20 minutes and has 40 minutes left to drive (barring any... oh lets say puke stops!) and a human bladder can hold 16 ounces of fluid. At what rate does the fluid travel through her and is she going to make it before she pees her pants in front of 45 relatives?

My eyeballs are floating at this point, but mom's can't pee until the situation allows for it and obviously a streaking child, a puked on car and car seat and a bag full of pukey clothes, a bunch of relatives to greet and 4 kids to take pee the situation definitely did not allow it at this point. So I bathe and re-dress Rub in the extra clothes I brought, because I am brilliant like that. Rush all 4 kids to the toilet but not before Dub pees his pants. Bathe Dub and re-dress him. Start a load of laundry, scrub a car seat, seat of the car and spray them with Lysol(again, sorry dad and J, hope the smell leaves soon!) Greet all the relatives and add a few things to the "Rules" that I forgot, like don't walk through the field while the men are shooting, please stay on the path so they don't accidentally shoot you. And if you have to cross a fence or cattle guard it means you've gone too far! Now I can finally pee.

The rest of the day was filled with yummy food and crazy shenanigans. My family is wild! The boys played hard. I bathed them at dad's and jammied them up, again because I am MOM hear me ROAR! Number one reason to bathe them before we left, I wanted to leave the mountains in the mountains! I just cleaned my shower and they were DIRTY! Sorry J Number two reason, I knew they would fall asleep on the way home and then I could just put them to bed, and they did. Dub was asleep before we even crossed the cattle guard at the end of the drive way, Rub and Buzz were out about ten minutes down the road. The two little ones stayed asleep when we got home but Buzz woke up and needed to eat, I wonder why? Couldn't be because all he ate all day was Cheetos, strawberries and root beer! When I was a kid I loved tri-tip, beans and french bread and can't imagine anyone not loving that meal but my kids won't touch it, so they dined on all the things Uncle D brought from Frito Lay/Pepsi CO (he works there. The kids think he is the greatest because he brings huge boxes of Cheetos, peanuts and all manor of junk food! We will pick up part three the final installment tomorrow.

Here I Stand in Puddles...Puddles of Pee!

Okay, so one of my sons has yet to make it through the night without wetting. Because he refuses to wear a pull-up and I HATE laundry, I wake up every three hours and take him to the bathroom. Well this week he has a serious cough. When I went into take him to the bathroom at nine before I went to bed I felt around to make sure I wasn't too late....Awesome! He's dry! Pull him up to sitting position, try to make him stand and he crumbles to the ground. Okay, I heave him up to me and start to carry him into the bathroom. All of a sudden he starts a coughing fit. Ahhh crap! What's that??? I am soaked! He is soaked! He has literally coughed so hard he has peed all over me! Dang it! Strip him down, shower him again, re-jammie him and put him back to bed. Shower myself, again and now I am not groggry anymore, so I go to the computer for a little chat with a good friend (hi Melissita!)
It is now midnight, time for the next trip to the bathroom. Feel around..Dang It! Wake up precious and make him walk himself to the bathroom, making a stop at the laundry basket to strip off pee soaked clothes and deposit wet sheets. Stand nekked son in front of tub while we wait for the water to warm up. Nekked son is leaning heavily against my leg....is he really awake? Warm, wet feet????

Me- What the heck!!! What are you doing? Stop that! Wake up! Hey...gosh dig it!

Son- "What??? oh, sorry mom."

Put son in shower and instruct him to bathe. Take off socks, wash my feet. Mop bathroom floor. Check on son. He is curled up in fetal position on the shower floor....asleep again. Wake up son, pull him out of shower and instruct him to dry off. Go get clean jammies and return to find son curled up in fetal position on the hall floor, asleep. Dress son and return him to his bed.
Next morning...

Son- mom I didn't even pee at all last night! I did good huh?
Me- say whaaaat? I need a diet pepsi!

Tell me, how does a kid take TWO showers and not remember taking them? It must be nice to be able to sleep through anything.

On a side note, I got to go to the movies today with a friend, alone, with no kids, and no husband! I have not done that in ummmm....like 10 years! Yes, I said 10 years! Thank you Angela! I had a blast.

Common Kiwi Phrases!

Okay, for those of you who do not know what life with four boys is like, let me enlighten you. First off let me give you a list of charactors you will read about most frequently while on my blog. Vootz 7, Buzz 5, Rub 4, and Dub 2. My DH (AKA Hergie but we'll call him JC, niether of which are his real name) came from a family where everyone has a nick name and that has bled over to our family, so I hope everyone can follow through these stories. BTW, I know you want to know, so my AKA name is Kiwi. It was bestowed upon me by my father in law who I loved dearly.

Now onto the chaos I call life. A typical day in our house is LOUD (also something that comes from Jc's family), full of love, tears, giggles and lots of chaos. The best way to give you insight on our home is to give you some phrases you will hear me say most commonly at our house. So here goes.

Get to the bathroom before you pee on my floor!
I love you too! Now get in the bathroom!
Please pay attention while you are peeing so you don't pee on the floor!
Why did you pee on the floor?
Yes, I love you too!
(do you see a pattern here? Yes, I am potty training a 2 y/o so this is a big topic in our house)
Dub you may not eat candy for lunch! No popcorn is not lunch either!
No amount of kisses is going to get you that roll of smarties before you eat your lunch!
Get out of the pantry! Get out off the back of the couch! Don't rock your chair! Get out of the fridge/freezer ( and I don't mean just shut the door, I mean they need to physically get their body out of the freezer!)
Get off the counter!
I love you too! Now get down!
Why are you nekked? (frequently asked question of Rub)
Get back in the house, you're nekked! The nieghbors don't need to see your nekkedness!
I'm sorry I am not your Boo anymore but we don't go out front nekked! Now get your clothes on!
Is your homework done? Neatly? All of it? Then sit down!
Vootz mind Vootz!
Buzz 4 bananas is enough! No you can't have another orange dinner will be ready in five minutes!
Vootz eat your peas!
Buzz drink your milk!
Rubby get your fingers out of your dipitz! Dipitz are for chicken fingers, not for your fingers!
Dub eat your own dinner and leave your dad's alone!
Everyone to the shower! Don't pee in the shower, your brothers don't want to stand in your pee!
Brush your teeth please. With toothpaste!
No you can't have a snack, we just finished dinner!
Honey, I just told them no snacks!
They've already brushed their teeth and they don't need brownies anyway because I said no dessert unless they ate all their dinner!
You're such a softy!
Say your prayers!
Love you all lots and lots!
Go to sleep!
Get in your own beds!
You already had a drink get back in bed!
There are no monsters in this house, they are all too afraid of Dad to come in here! Now get back to bed!
No, you may not sleep in the office!
You may not sleep in the hallway either!
Quiet!
Go to sleep!
No Buzz Mommy is not mad at you. Yes Buzz, Mommy still loves you! She's just not happy that it is an hour past your bedtime and you are still up, and your room that was clean when I put you to bed, now looks like a battlezone! Boys if I step on any of those soldiers tonight they'll be battling the trash can! Go to sleep please!
If I hear one more word out of you two I am going to send in your dad!
*silence*
Those are my most frequent phrases. Hope you had a good laugh while you sit there with your sweet daughters all dressed in pink! Just remember someday they might marry a M! LOL!