Don't Pee on My Floor!

The Measure of a Man

2011-12-02T19:20:00.000-08:00

The boys are very excited to be "growing up" and turning into young men. It is happening much faster than I would like. They are continually examining themselves for more hair, more muscle, more manliness. Vootz in particular is pretty impressed with his height of five feet-two inches. He takes great pleasure in being taller than his aunt who stands ~~four feet-eleven inches~~ four feet-eleven AND one half inches. The other day I heard Buzz exclaim, "Dude! You're almost a man! Look! You're almost as tall as the laundry!" I am not sure what is more depressing, that Vootz is five feet-two inches tall or that my laundry is taller.

Ch Ch Ch Changes

2011-10-09T16:26:00.000-07:00

This has been one of the longest weeks of my life! I have had a BIG secret to keep all week long. Every time someone would ask me how I am doing I would have to dance around my answer. Tears would well up, I would want to say I was okay, but was that really the truth? I was humbled, nervous, overwhelmed...but was I okay? I was moved to tears at the drop of a hat. I was dying while quietly listening to others speculations, when I knew the truth.

After several years of functioning beyond capacity our ward at church, along with another ward split to form a third ward. This happened two weeks ago. Last week just before conference started I got a phone call asking if JC and I would come in after conference to meet with the Bishopric. I had been teaching the six year olds and JC had been teaching the thirteen year olds. I knew that one or both of us would be receiving new callings. First they talked to JC. As soon as they asked him how his class was going I knew the reason we were there was not for JC, but for me. Then Brother Keller extended me my new calling and I was so overwhelmingly humbled that all I could do was cry. Eventually I was able to choke out an answer to him and he followed with good, don't tell anyone until after you are sustained next Sunday. YIKES! That is a BIG secret! I am a great secret keeper when it comes to other peoples lives, but my life I have to be able to talk about, get advice, reassurance. Have people understand that when I randomly start crying that I am not insane, just overwhelmed, and not in a billion things to do, don't know where to start kinda way. In a this is so humbling, are you sure you got the right sister Moncur, this is a lot of responsibility and I am not that responsible, what were they thinking kinda way. But I did it. I survived an entire week, I was sustained and set apart today and about two seconds ago given my first Sacrament Meeting speaking assignment not just as the second counselor in the Relief Society, but EVER. Now I have a talk to prepare so I need to quit rambling and get busy.

Heinz, You Know "Ketchup"

2011-09-30T17:53:00.000-07:00

Okay, guess what? I have news people! Big, big news! Guess. Three chances. Ready. Set. Go.

No, I am not pregnant! Seriously, why is that always your first thought? Two more guesses.
No, I did not have the will power to stay out of the maple bars this morning, in fact I may have bribed a kid ~~or two~~ out of theirs, but you can't prove it so it didn't really happen. One more guess.
No, Mt. Laundry didn't avalanche down on me...yet.

Are you ready? I remembered my password to get on my blog! Yay me! I didn't forget my password! Confused? It wasn't that I forgot my password that I haven't blogged in so long, it was that I haven't blogged in so long that I didn't know if I would remember my password. But I did, so now I will blog!

First, Dub turned 6! The house was transformed into "The Bat cave" thanks to my sister in law, Aunt Nae. He had a great day preparing his birthday party while I was taking my Life Insurance exam. I can't believe he is already 6! After his party he took down all of his decorations and hung them in his room. For two weeks I could not open the door more than a foot because of the tangled web of streamers. Their room is finally back to normal. I still can't open the door more than a foot because like I said, their room is back to normal, which means there is a mountain of Lego's, action figures, blankets and pillows all over the floor.

School started and everyone is very happy with their teachers. So far everyone is doing great. Vootz and the rest of his sixth grade class spent a week at Camp KEEP and I survived! Buzz had a hard time. He cried every night at bed time and when Vootz came home Buzz wouldn't leave his side.

Vootz got his braces off!!! He is doing a LOT of smiling lately and I LOVE it! He still has one more phase to go but not for a while.

I am working again, hence the reason for the lack of blogging. Or at least that's my story and I am sticking to it. I am LOVING my job and I have a GREAT BOSS! I have been taking a lot of classes and tests, so I have ~~turned into a stressed out, grouchy, basket case~~ been a little tired. If you ever have an insurance need let me know. Even if you don't have a need and just want a really great quote, I can help with that too!

Now for the REALLY BIG news!! JC's last day at the fire department was today! He starts his new job on Monday!! He will be in training for two weeks and then life as we know it changes. We are both going to be very busy!

That's the scoop. Speaking of scoops, I need to tell you about my newest craving! I won't tonight, because I am on the verge of delirious exhaustion, but tomorrow I will tell you all about it!

The Happ's

2011-08-12T14:13:00.000-07:00

Where does the time go? Buzz turned 9 the beginning of July. I made cake in a jar for his birthday/4th of July. They turned out super cute and of course I forgot to get pictures. This is the link I got the idea from. I did red and blue cake with white frosting, Americana sprinkles and Americana ribbons. We BBQ'd hot dogs and hamburgers, had macaroni salad, watermelon and root beer. Then we watched the fireworks and called it a night because JC had to work the next day.

I found a lump on the back of my neck at the base of skull that week. I figured it was probably just a swollen gland from fighting allergies or a cold, I had been pretty run down feeling and tired and thought a couple times that I was "catching" some kind of bug. The pain kept getting worse and eventually spread up the back of my skull and became pretty intense. I decided I should go get it checked out. I was diagnosed with mono and told that the reason I had so much pain and pressure in my skull was because all the lymph nodes back there were swollen up and putting pressure on optical and cranial nerves. So for the last month I have been resting A LOT. I did manage to keep up my studies and pass my insurance exam, but haven't managed to do much else.

Dub had his birthday this month. The night before his birthday I overheard him tell his brothers, "Boys, what do you have to tell me tomorrow?" Then he told his dad, "Dad, what do you need to tell me tomorrow when you get home from work?" JC said, "Dub what should you tell me tomorrow when I get home from work? If it weren't for me you wouldn't be having a birthday tomorrow." Dub's reply was, "Daad, mom did all the work." His Aunt Nae came to babysit that day so I could go do my exam. When I came home, they had totally transformed my house into Batman Party Central. He was so excited!

We are still job hunting for JC and have decided that we are going to quit being so stubborn about where we are willing to relocate and instead adopt the attitude, "I will go where you want me to go Dear Lord..." The boys are not on that same page yet. They do NOT want to leave their school under ANY circumstance. We have been very blessed that the school they attend has really wonderful staff that welcomes and encourages family involvement and we have not had any problem with the curriculum being too "dumbed down" or too "liberal". I am worried however that eventually our rather "conservative" staff we have been blessed with will not have a say in what they teach or don't teach. I am aware that moving (or at this point, thanks to our Governor, even not moving) could place us in a school that does not meet our educational standards or our moral standards and so I have been trying to research alternatives to the public education system to prepare myself for the ugly truth that not all school systems are created equal.

I have been trying to organize the chaos around here. It's amazing how much stuff one family can accumulate in six years. I sold a bunch at my mother in law's yard sale and took what I could not sell to the Goodwill. I still have plenty more to do and I am sure I will have plenty more to sell or donate. My goal is to be ready to move when and where we need to and start fresh and uncluttered in our new house, when ever and where ever that may be.

I took the boys to the Fresno Zoo this summer and was so surprised at how nice it was. It was cheap, quiet, shady and not crowded at all. The boys had a great time. I think the highlight of their day was getting to pet the sting rays. Dub was disappointed that their were no Rhinos, not because he wanted to see the Rhinos but because he wanted to see the ox pecker bird or the "tick bird" that sits on the rhinos back and eats the ticks. He told me all about them, even telling me they (the bird and rhino) have a symbiotic relationship. I told him that symbiotic was a great word and asked him if he could tell me what it meant. Of course he he looked at me like I was an idiot, huffed and rolled his eyes and then told me precisely what it meant. His brothers did not disappoint me with their knowledge either. Through out the day just dropping bits of information about animals and habitats that I had NO IDEA they knew anything about. My boys are pretty smart little cookies.

It's Better Than Reading Insurance Codes

2011-07-09T17:07:00.000-07:00

Just a real quick break from my studies to share with you another funny thing Dub said a while ago that has been stuck in my mind today. We were driving down the highway behind a Pepto Bismol pink Ford Mustang. Out of the blue and very nonchalantly Dub says, "Stupid pink car. It's not even fast. It's not even a Chevy." I wish I had a dollar for every time my kids have made soda come out my nose, I would be in Hawaii right now. Okay, so probably not Hawaii because I don't fly and I don't go in or on the ocean so getting to Hawaii would be a bit of a challenge. But I definitely would not be subsisting on generic freezer pops and cramming for an insurance exam.

I just had a brilliant thought. I figured out why I use to be able to retain anything I studied so easily and why I am struggling so hard now. I have been blaming it on the fact that I have a husband and four boys demanding my attention, but I think it might be the lack of appropriate study food. When I was in high school I studied on chocolate donuts, Pepsi, and Cheese Puffs and I got great grades and didn't even try that hard. In college things got a little tighter and I studied on Diet Pepsi (had to avoid the freshman 15), Top Ramen and chocolate donuts and got mostly A's with out trying at all because I was also working and enjoying ~~freedom~~ responsibility. Now as an adult my diet consists of ~~freezer pops~~ fruits, ~~french fries~~ vegetables, and ~~fake ice cream~~ lean protein and I cannot remember anything I read. It must be because I am lacking some essential nutrients...SODA, SODIUM, and CHOCOLATE DONUTS!!! It's gotta be the diet.

I have a summer cold. I sneezed so hard I popped a rib out of place. I hurt. I took medication that I don't usually take because it makes me feel crazy. I almost threw up on Dubs feet last night trying to help him put on dry underwear because I took that medication. I don't remember going back to my room but I woke up there. I had wild dreams. I slept until 10 this morning. I woke up STARVING but NAUSEATED. I won't be taking that medication again. Anything that interferes with my ability to eat has to be bad. The end.

I Am Still Alive

2011-06-17T20:58:00.000-07:00

Wowzers! Where to begin...

I got a job! I got temporarily laid off from said job!

Vootz turned 11! Vootz earned his arrow of light in scouts and crossed the bridge from cub scouts to boy scouts! He also left tonight for his first time at scout camp!

JC turned another year older!

I finished my term as PTC president! Schoooool's Out for Sum-mer (have fun getting that song out of your head)! The best principal EVER retired and moved to Minnesota and we all cried, still cry! This picture of her is unfortunately the only one I have and is of her in the dunk tank at the school carnival in October.

I am, for the first time in 14 years, taking a class and studying for a state exam! I quit ALL soda cold turkey 3 weeks ago! I finished re-hab for my knee, just in time for it to be too dangerously hot to run in the day light! I canned 10 pints of black beans, 10 quarts of pinto beans and 5 pints of apple butter! I weed-eated my entire back yard...again! This time sans dog/dog poo, frogs, goat heads and radio active spiders. I still have this ugly itchy rash on my shin! My boys still say the cutest things and I still forget to write them down before I forget them so I will write this one down now...Dub said, "Sometimes when I eat ice cream, it shivers the inside of my body!"

This picture was taken of Dub around Thanksgiving. They had a Native American Day at school and he said, "Today was Made Up American Day!" and then my diet Pepsi came out my nose.

This is my best friend! She is my running partner and she finished our 1/2 marathon with a much better time than I did! She has two kids. Her husband works out of town, A LOT and she just graduated from Cal State! I am so proud of her! My husband is home every night, I do my class (notice that says CLASS and not CLASSES) on line and I am a total basket case! I don't know how she did it.

This is my other best friend! She was my VP in the PTC and without her nothing would have gotten done and everything would have fallen apart! She worked her ever lovin' butt off and sadly enough didn't get near the credit she deserved! You know the saying behind every good man is a good woman? Well behind every President there is a Vice President who is doing all the work that everyone else thinks the president is doing. I DID NOTHING compared to what this woman did! Thanks Melody!

Rub still spends most of his time upside down and has no mastered the no hands head stand. He also still prefers to wear as little amount of clothing as possible. I came home from the store one day and found him like this....

He and Buzz and Dub had trouble sleeping last night because they have never slept without Vootz, hopefully Vootz slept well.

Buzz is getting ready to turn 9! He mastered walking on stilts. I like to listen to him crack himself up. He gives the best back rubs!

Okay, I have avoided studying long enough. Time to hit the books.

Lesson Learned?

2011-04-01T22:46:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time a boy named Rub wanted hot chocolate, because his much older brother had some hot chocolate. Rub wanted to be much older too and do things much older boys can do. Like make his own hot chocolate. The much older brother, who was suppose to be "watching" his much younger brothers while his mother "caught up" on her work, did not seem concerned by this at all. Being much shorter than the much taller, much older brother, Rub could not reach the counter to pour the hot water into his mug from the boiling electric tea kettle. So Rub being part spider monkey climbed up the cupboards and onto the counter. Then Rub's mom, being buried under mountains of work in the office heard Rub screaming. Before she could climb out from under all her paperwork Rub appeared in the office with a big ol' sob story. Such a big ol' sobbin' sob story his mom had no idea what he was trying to say. So already being irritated with a whole days worth of tantrums and tattling she told him to quit crying and go play.
Ten minutes later the much older, much taller, much suddenly concerned brother carries the still sobbing Rub in and sets him down in front of the much stressed out mother and proceeds to pull up the shorts leg on the sobbing child. This is what the much stressed out, cold crow eating mother saw...

Steam Burn

Then the even more stressed out, feeling like a bad, overwhelmed, frustrated mother called her daddy the fireman for advice so she would not have to sit on hold with the after hours advice nurse forever. She called him on his cell phone, his house phone, his wife's cell phone, the mountain house phone, and the other mountain house phone. She stopped short of paging him and calling him at work and decided to call the nurse. Now the stressed out, overwhelmed, crow eating, frustrated mother has a degree believe it or not. Yup, an associates degree in medical science. BUT every child she had, took part of her brain and the part that is left doesn't function unless it has a steady stream of diet Pepsi and her I.V. had to be removed when she forgot to refill her heart medicine.

So after being on hold with the advice nurse that she use to work with ~~and imagining her laughing at her mush for brains~~ she came to the conclusion that the burn didn't quiiiiite take up 1/2 of his palm (How they measure what % of the body has been burned)and so he didn't need to be seen. So the momma cleaned it and dressed it and drugged up her kid with pain killer. Then she asked him, "Are you gonna climb on the counter any more?" and he said, "Not until you put that electric cattle burner thing in the trash." Then the momma had to laugh even though she was exhausted.

The Boy Who Cried Wolf

2011-04-01T22:01:00.001-07:00

Yesterday the school called, It was Miss Barbara in the office.

Miss Barbara: Rub's in the office, he says his head hurts and he wants to go home.
Me: I will be there in a minute to evaluate the situation.

Rub: Mom, my heart hurts and I might feel like I am going to throw up.
Me: Well what is it, your head, your heart or your stomach?
Rub: My stomach hurts. Really mom, it does! And I am not hungry and I don't need to poop.
Me: Rub you are just fine. You need to go back to class. Besides, if you come home you will have to stay in bed. No t.v., no video games, no toys.
Rub: It's just I am hungry but I don't want to be hot lunch, I want a cold lunch. Me: You should have told me that this morning when we looked at the menu. It's too late now. Go to class.

Today I got another call from the school.

Miss Kim: Rub's in the office again. He says he has the flu and you thought he was better but he says he's not.
Me: Ugh! Let me talk to him.
Rub: Mom, I need to come home. My stomach hurts. Really it does mom! And I am not hungry and I don't need to poop and I didn't even eat any of my boogers.
Me: Rub that's disgusting. When did your tummy start hurting?
Rub: Remember when I threw up on my Baby Mouse book? (way back in JANUARY!) It feels like that.
Me: I will be there to get Dub in a minute, then we will talk.

Me: If you come home, you go to bed for the rest of the day. No t.v., no video games and no playing outside with everyone else.
Rub: Fine, I'll go back to class.

Have You Ever Seen My Sweet 16? Yeah, It's Like That. But Not Really.

2011-03-12T18:49:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was my 29th birthday ~~for the fifth time~~. It was AWESOME! The best birthday since my last 29th birthday. We partied hard. JC took me out and we had steak and shrimp. ~~We had pizza, that I had to go pick up. We had my favorite angel food cake, that I had to make.~~ We had a huge party at the club with a hundred guests and celebrities. ~~My mother in law came to the house, that I had to clean.~~ I got the keys to my brand new 6 bedroom dream house on 80 acres. ~~My mother in law gave me some yummy cherry slice candies, that my boys ate all of this morning while I was working.~~ We partied until the wee hours of the morning, dancing on the bars and painting the town red. ~~I took a Benedryl and went to bed.~~ We slept in this morning and I got breakfast in bed served to me by my dashing svelte husband and his rock hard abs. ~~I rolled my butt out of bed at 6:30 to go clean a house, grabbed a diet Coke for breakfast while JC lay snoring and oblivious under the covers.~~ Happy Birthday to me! I have no idea how we will ever be able to top this on my next 29th birthday.

Wired Wrong and On Pepsi

2011-02-26T19:19:00.000-08:00

I have issues. All at once now, "DUH!" I know if you are a regular on my blog you already know this about me. But for those of you who are new to my blog, Welcome and, I am not normal.

The issues I would be referring to tonight would have to do with my eating habits. I know we discuss them a lot and we already know I have issues in that area of my life but it occurred to me Tuesday night that my issues are worse than I previously admitted to.

You see, Tuesday nights I watch The Biggest Loser. I don't usually watch much t.v. but I do watch that show. It occurred to me while watching a couple weeks ago that I have NEVER watched an episode of The Biggest Loser without eating. I don't mean snacking on an apple or popcorn or eating dinner. I mean I have NEVER watched an episode without totally pigging out on junk food. Biggest Loser and cookie dough, Biggest Loser and caramel apple, sans apple, Biggest Loser and the entire pan of cupcake pebble crispy treats, Biggest Loser and the entire box of chocolate donuts....

It's like being so interested in watching the train wreck being put back on the tracks that I fail to see the train wreck occurring in my own living room. Deep, I know.

Last Tuesday, I was on a cleansing diet. I started watching TBL (I just realized The Biggest Loser initials are TBL...as in the abbreviation for tablespoon in a recipe hmm, sorry random I know, or not, I guess considering my mind has one track and it's food!) Anyway, I started watching and the urge to whip up some white cake batter was so strong I had to turn off the t.v. and go to bed. I can't do it. I cannot watch ten minutes of that show with out junk food. It is impossible.

On a different but related topic, if you are ever on a diet, DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT light a sugar cookie candle. Trust me, it is a bad idea! Bad! Very, very bad!

For your information, for all of you who doubt my ability to stick to any kind of a diet, I DID IT! I did a week long cleanse and I did not cheat. Not even once! Not even when the boys had my favorite EVER maple bars (not that maple bars are my favorite and not that they aren't, but that these maple bars from this specific place are THE BEST EVER!), not when JC (he's a cheater) and the boys had pizza for dinner, not even when the boys had milkshakes, not even when I was offered a diet Pepsi...ON CRUSHED ICE, not when Dub had a cheeseburger from Checkers...well okay, I took one bite, BUT, I just chewed it up and tasted it real good and then spit it out, so that doesn't really count, sorry for the TMI. Now, technically, hour wise, I have been on this cleanse for 7 days, 168 hours...even though day wise the diet doesn't end until tomorrow, but hour wise I did 7 days. So I had me a diet Pepsi on crushed ice...thank you Country Boy Drive In! and now I am about to have a scoop of coconut milk ice cream in a waffle cone with caramel (I have the candle to blame for that craving), then I am going to mix up some cupcake pebble crispy treats and then I am going to run to get some maple bars for breakfast....and then after I watch the episode of TBL that I turned off on Tuesday I should probably do anther week on the diet because I am sure everything I am about to partake of is going to completely undo whatever the last 168 hours did for me.

Now if you will excuse me, my ice cream is melting!

Diet = No Brain Function

2011-02-24T19:59:00.000-08:00

I'm on a diet per my doctor. I am not functioning well enough to blog tonight. I promise I have good suff rolling around in my head...somewhere. I will post all about it after I get some sleep and some ~~chocolate donuts and diet pepsi~~ brain food. Here is a video that I found earlier today. Enjoy.

Just Sayin' and A Lil' Linky Love

2011-02-09T19:44:00.001-08:00

Okay, so here's the thing, I sometimes wonder if anyone reads my blog. Sometimes I think, "I should go blog" then I think, "Naa, no one reads it anyway." It gets kind of discouraging. Then out of the blue I get a comment from a "closet reader"! It absolutely makes my day! I am going to be honest, BLOGGERS LOVE COMMENTS!!!! It feeds our psychological need for something we didn't get back when because someone did....okay, it feeds our ego, it gives meaning to our otherwise meaningless lives, it makes missing an episode of The Biggest Loser and a bowl of carmel worth it. So please if you are a "closet reader", "blog stalker", "frequent flyer", "first timer", "hippie", "hobo" or "zebra" please remember you can change the whole entire mood of a bloggers day just by making a comment. So that being said, go check out a couple of my blogging friends and say hi! For my frugal friends go check out Mynde at Pennies to Pasta, for my friends who need a little JOY in your life check out Joy at JOY (Just Organize Yourself) and for a little Vintage Flare check out the Vintage Housewife. Happy Blog Stalking.

All About Boo!

2011-02-09T11:59:00.000-08:00

This spider monkey just turned 7!
Rub came on his due date, which also happens to be my mother in laws birthday. We were getting ready for her party when I decided I didn't feel so great. By the time I had Vootz and Buzz bathed I decided I should probably go to the hospital. We dropped the boys off for cake and ice cream with Grandma and Buppa and we went in. I was already at 8cm. The nurse literally ran my blood work to the lab so I could get my epidural ~~because I am a wimp~~ . The epidural was placed, and Rub was born ten minutes later. The from the first contraction at home to the time he was born took less than two hours. Doc told me don't push, he's coming and I'm not ready. I didn't push, ready or not he came! He immediately ~~peed all over Dr. C who hadn't had time to put on his disposable smock.~~ showered Dr. C with love. Then he balled up his little fists, arched his back and screamed! When they handed him to me my first thoughts, and therefore words were, "He definitely has his dad's mouth. Look at the size of it." Hey, it's a delivering mom's prerogative to speak her mind. Especially after she deliverers a kid with a head circumference as big as Rub's. He tells me today that his head is so big because, "I gotta lotta knowledge stored in my brain!" He was 8lbs. 3oz. and, go ahead and get the lynch mob ready...I don't remember how long he was. He was and is still healthy. My heart breaks for him because he was only three weeks old when his Buppa died. Unlike Vootz and Buzz he didn't get to make any memories of Buppa. He only has the memories he barrows from the rest of us. When Rub was 3 months old I was in the hospital for a week. Rub stayed with my mom and refused to drink from a bottle for almost two days. My poor mom bought every bottle/nipple style she could find and three different formulas. I was to the point I had asked my BFF and Step mom to do double duty and nurse him because they both had boys within a month of me having Rub. Finally my BFF had one type of bottle he would take. He's slobbered like a St. Bernard from day one. He was/is my thumb sucker, even in his ultra sound picture. He only sucks one thumb though, they are NOT interchangeable. He had a rag quilt made for him that he would rub between his fingers, stick in his ear or nose while he sucked his thumb, but it was only a specific corner. As a toddler he would wake up screaming at night, "I tan't fine my cona!" He was affectionately (and just between JC and I)labeled as our "St.Bernard", "Emotional Child", "Stubborn One", "Remedial Child", "The Cave Man", "Tank", "Bulldozer"...and has since proven us wrong on the "remedial" label anyway. Pre "pre K" I could not get him to do ANYTHING remotely related to learning. He would not color, finger paint, sing, count...He wanted nothing to do with ANYTHING unless it involved firetrucks. We were worried he would flunk out of kindergarten. He has since proven us wrong. He is now affectionately our "smarter than you think" child or the "playin' you" child. His nick name came from Buzz not being able to say his real name. He called him Puppub and from there his name evolved to Rub. He is very affectionate which is how he got his second nick name of "Boo" or "Momma's Boo". It started with me calling him my snuggly buggly boo and got shortened to Boo. Nick Names, It's a Buppa thing. He is also very tactile. He's living up to his nick name, he likes to "rub" things. When he gets tired especially, he will run his fingers through my hair or rub my back. He also likes to have his tummy rubbed. When he would get tired he would lay down and pull my hand over to his tummy and rub it back and forth until he fell asleep. He is very funny, his facial expressions are the best and his smile is killer! From very early on he would cry anytime JC touched me, hugged me or kissed me, then he started pushing up between us and pushing him away. To this day they still fight over me...it's good to be loved! I am "The Pwincess"! You can read more about Rub here, here, here, here, here, HERE, here, here, here, HERE, and here.

When Did That Happen?

2011-02-03T16:51:00.000-08:00

Snap back to reality. Ope there goes gravity...literally.
I realized something today that my body realized a long time ago. It tried to tell me, but being the stubborn girl I am, I didn't listen. See, there I go again. I said, "girl". I am not a "girl" anymore. I am not 16. I am not even 18. I am about to turn 29 ~~for the 5th time~~. I sag in places no person should ever sag. I have no hair where I should have hair and hair where I shouldn't have hair and that hair is not the color it should be! I have to take Motrin to be able to get out of bed in the morning. My body cracks and creaks. I take pills to make my heart work, I take pills to make my digestive system work, I take pills to make my joints work, I take pills to make my mind function. I have to cross my legs to laugh, sneeze, cough and sometimes when I run. The scale refuses to read the numbers I use to be so embarrassed of when I was 16, but would be supremely happy to see today. All of this hit me like a ton of bricks today when I realized I can no longer subsist on a Dr. Pepper, a donut, a box of Hot Tamales and a stick of gum for the entire day. I CAN, but there are extreme consequences that I would never have experienced at 16...migraine, fatigue, gas, bloating, irritability, irrational thoughts, lack of focus.....It's just not pretty. It was reinforced when my kid told me he didn't want me to die. When I asked why he thought I was going to die, he told me because I am old like Granny was and she died because she was old. It was reinforced again when I was judging the science fair at my kids school and I was called "Mrs." Moncur fifty times! I know, I have been "Mrs." Moncur for almost 13 years, and it was cute and fun to sign my name that way for the few months before and after the wedding, but somehow after the wedding the whole "Mrs." part freaks me out, especially when it is coming out of the mouths of 12 year olds. After all I was just 12 myself a few years ago. Wasn't I? WHAT HAPPENED? HOW DID I GO FROM 16 TO 29 ~~for the 5th time~~? Now that I have come to the conclusion that I am not 16 anymore and dealt with the emotional distress that followed ~~with a bowl of carmel~~ I wish someone would please tell my skin! Please tell it that I am neither 16 nor 91! It seems to be rather confused about my age. It says, "Oh, 16, have some pimples. At least one for every year old you are. Oh, would that be 16? 91? Oh well, a face full will do, to balance out the pimples lets throw in some age spots and wrinkles. We will just skip right over crows feet and laugh lines and go straight to the canyons!"
Did you know when you are not 16 anymore that "Spanx" takes on a whole new meaning? It is no longer a cute way to spell "spanks" which is so much more exciting than "Spanx" and a whole lot less painful too. When you are no longer 16, Victoria's Secret bras are just for looks and serve no other purpose. When you are no longer 16 the little lady at The Bra Shoppe measures you for your new bra that will serve a purpose, she actually picks your friends up and places them in the cups. And when she tries to sell you the matching underwear you think, "sure" until you see the tag says "support brief". Then you go home crank up the "old school" station because that is what they call your music now..."old school", paint your nails electric blue and sing into your hairbrush while you attempt to jump on your bed. Don't worry the asylum is really quite nice.

Runner Out Of Commission...Enter At Your Own Risk

2011-01-15T14:09:00.000-08:00

I love it when I spend four hours of my Saturday morning in urgent care and leave, knowing no more than I did when I got there, but with drugs. Can you hear the irritation in my keystrokes? My knee has really been bothering me and it is getting worse, so I went to the urgent care today. I sat in the waiting room for a grand total of three and a half hours, and in the pharmacy for fifteen minutes, I saw a doctor, a nurse and an x-ray technician all in fifteen minutes. I left with an unclear diagnoses of "It could be's", crutches, a knee brace (I cannot wear because it has a hard support that smashes right up against the part of my knee that hurts), drugs, instructions to not put weight on it for at least a week, NO RUNNING until my family doctor releases me and here is the clincher...a note for a week off of work. Is there such thing for a mother of four boys? Going to an office to work would be more R&R than staying home, but even then, are you kidding me? How in the frick am I going to stay completely off of my leg, rest it, elevate it and ice it for twenty minutes every hour for a week and still have a house left standing when I can stand? I am not in a good mood. I don't like, "I don't know what's wrong with you, it could be this, this, this or possibly this, I don't read x-rays so we will have to wait for the radiology report, but here take these drugs and if the pain doesn't go away then we will do an MRI and maybe fix the reason you are having the pain to begin with instead of just drugging you out of your mind, either way, the longer I prolong your misery the more I get paid. The more you come back to me because I hooked you on narcotics instead of fixing the problem. Or the more you come back to me so I can do one test a visit for the next six months until I finally decide to send you to someone who knows what the heck they are doing. Either way it looks good for me and not so good for you." So, normally when I am this irritated I lace up and run, what do I do now? I have no cinnamon bears or sour patch kids to bite the heads off of. Really it is therapeutic. I did bite JC's head off, chewed it up and spit it out. He's not as therapeutic as candy, he bites back, plus he doesn't taste nearly as good. I have no Oreos, no chocolate donuts, no diet Pepsi. Ya'll might want to pray that I can run again real, real soon, for my family's sake. This is not looking good. Going to take a nap now. Over and out.

Many View Rare Full Moon

2011-01-11T09:59:00.000-08:00

A summary of yesterday...

Burned my hand when I grabbed the wrong end of my flat iron.

Squirted onion juice into my eye.

Almost choked on a fried potato...TWICE.

Took JC's truck to get gas and ran out of gas before I made it to the gas station.

Smashed JC's head with the trunk of my car when he brought me the gas can.

Sent JC and two boys to the ranch to fix and electrical switch but realized, as I was cooking dinner, that I forgot to send the rent check with them. Stopped in the middle of cooking to drive out to the ranch with the rent.

Microwave in the shop at the ranch almost burned down the shop. Microwave thrown away and new electrical boxes installed...in hindsight, given the days track record, playing with electricity was probably not a good idea, but everyone survived, probably because I was not helping.

Two plugged toilets by my fifth son, his name is "not me". Two unplugged toilets by yours truely.

One new thermostat...WooHoo! We have heat!

So ready for a run...

Now the run went like this...

Less than a block away I flicked a piece of crushed granite into the back of my shoe. "Ouch!" ~~was the word I should have used, but didn't~~ My running briefs are crawling in the worst way. About a half a mile in, I had to pee. ~~Yes mom, I went before I left the house.~~ For normal people this would be no problem, just hold it. I am not a normal person, I am a mom, who gave birth to 4 large melon headed babies who for nine months used my bladder as a punching bag. I start evaluate my options. I can go home and call it a night, but I really need this run. I could see if I can find an open gate and bathroom at the school coming up, but the custodians would probably have me arrested. I could drop in, unannounced at a friends house, but she is not a close friend. She is the little sister of a close friend. A friend still the same, but she is probably having family night, or worse than that getting kids ready for bed. That would be real nice, Hi K! Just dropping in unannounced. Can you take your kids out of the tub because I need to use your toilet. Or I can hold it...as long as I can. Dang this murph! It took me long enough to evaluate my options that the only option I had left was to hold it. We had passed the point of no return, we had passed the school and we had passed K's street. About a half a mile later I have to re-evaluate the situation. I am now doing a cross between the pee pee dance and a run. I can just let it happen, I am sure I would not be the first runner who peed their pants and I know I wouldn't be the last, but ewwww and brrr. Or I can find a bush, but I have never been good at squatty potty. I find some hedges, not the best cover but I am out of time. Turn off my head lamp duck in behind them, no cars coming, drop 'em, adjust all headphone wires coming from the pocket in the back of my pants, squat...nothing. Stage fright or cold shock what ever, it wasn't happening, at least not fast enough. Then finally just as the awww factor hits so does the traffic. I am dying. I am behind the bush totally squatting down as far as I can go ducking my head, praying for invisibility beneath my glow stick adorned, reflective white shirt with my reflective orange wrist band and praying no one is paying attention to the iridescent full moon setting in the hedges. Ange tries to block as much of me as she can with her fake, "just doing a little stretch" poses but I can't help but think that she is drawing more attention our direction. We are cracking up. On the road again. Twenty yards ahead, perfect cover to hide an entire football team. Make a mental note of that spot just incase there is a "next time". About a mile later a plain white wrapper blows me off the road. Geesh buddy slow down! Unless you are investigating all the calls for indecent exposure on the next road north, then keep on going. I'm innocent, you can't prove a thing. I feel sorry for the person who would have to pick me out of that line up. Pretty sure my briefs are on backwards at this point.

Now Ange has issues. For a backwoods Indiana girl she just doesn't have enough...backwoods Indiana in her. She can't spit to save her life, she has serious mucous gag reflex issues (read: girlfriend can't hock a lugi)and she can't oakie blow. So when her nose starts to run, she HAS to blow it...in something. She had no tissues, I had tissues, but when I was laughing and trying to pee at the same time, I am pretty sure I dropped them. I can see her mentally going over her options...shirt tail, nope too much to blow this time, sock...nope too much time lost already, glove...yep glove. She is quite funny, because she is worried about if it will gross me out too much. I laugh, Hmm...option one you blow your nose in your glove. Option two, you gag and barf on my shoes. I think I will have to go with door number one.

We managed to finish our run with out anymore trouble. Felt great to stretch, shower and go to bed...where looking back, it seems I should have never left.

Setting Off The Metal Detectors

2010-12-07T10:40:00.000-08:00

Look who can't pass airport security.

A couple of weeks ago Vootz got part of his braces on. He chose green and red for his bands for Christmas. He goes in a a couple of weeks to get some more of them put on and an appliance to help spread out his bite. It all just sounds painful.

Speaking of painful, this little monster came home from school on Friday with strep throat.

And being the compassionate, generous boy that he is, shared with these two, who after a trip to the doctor this morning are now home. Sick, whiny, short tempered, yet still bouncing off my walls.

I just picked up this one from kindergarten and his cheeks are nice and toasty warm, so I imagine I will be back to the doctor in the morning. He has an appointment Friday morning to get his second flu shot. He has been scheduled for his second flu shot 3 times now and has been sick every time.

You've probably noticed the layout has changed a bit. I needed to change it up a bit. ~~I am getting old and could not read the white on black anymore.~~ I just thought that the new color scheme might be more soothing, a more relaxing atmosphere if you will. Do you like it? I am not sure I do, but until I find something better this will do.

It's a Conspiracy

2010-12-06T18:45:00.001-08:00

Okay, a few things to talk about tonight.

First, I have been caffeine free (again) for almost two weeks. Yay Me!!! BUT IT IS TOTALLY KILLING ME!! To start with until today, I hadn't run since November 13th. I had to spend a week recovering from my 1/2 marathon, then I got the flu and I am just starting to feel human again. Not having caffeine AND not being able to run...I have been CR-ANKY MOMMA! But aside from all of that...Coke is taunting me. You heard me first it's Yahoo stalking my blog being all high and mighty telling me I don't NEED a bucket of licorice, and NOW, NOW it's COKE. Taunting me I tell you. Every website I went to today had a Diet Coke ad. EVERY. SINGLE. ONE!! One even had this really cool animated one that showed the fizzy, bubbly goodness inside a glass dripping with condensation. How's a girl suppose to be strong when she is bombarded with temptation like that? My friend Karrie is trying to be strong too, because she thinks it makes her more anxious and irritable. So together we will be strong. Unless we are eating cheeseburgers or pizza (we both agree soda is a must with those foods), we will be strong.

So I planned this weeks dinner menu tonight. Tuesday-Cheeseburgers, Wednesday-BBQ Chicken Pizza, Thursday-Leftover Cheeseburgers, Friday- Pepperoni Pizza, Saturday Leftover Cheeseburgers and Pizza. Is that even possible? IS there such thing as "leftover" Cheeseburgers and Pizza? I don't think that has ever happened at my house.

Moving on. I had a huge yard bird in my fridge that I really needed to cook. Problem is we are not big on yard bird around here and since Thanksgiving just passed, we really have had our fill for the year. I couldn't stand for it to go to waste but really didn't want to just do another roasted bird. So I set out on a quest to find a different way to cook up the gobbler. I have had them traditional, deep pit, Cajun and even fried. They were all pretty good for turkey, but I don't have a pit and I don't have a fryer or even a rotisserie big enough so they were out. I do however have a traditional Weber Kettle BBQ Grill. So I BBQ'd it. The whole turkey. On the grill. I used some mesquite wood chips so it had a nice subtle smokiness to it. It was moist and tender. It was DELICIOUS!

This picture is before it is all the way finished. It got a nice deep brown all over. The skin was crispy and the meat inside was sooo juicy.

Yahoo Is Stalking My Blog

2010-11-19T22:13:00.000-08:00

When I booted up my computer tonight Yahoo threw this article at me. In case you don't have time to read the whole article, let me help you find my point of contention. Here in paragraph 9...

4. 12-Pound Crates of Navel Oranges

Sure, it only costs $11.99, but it's not such a good deal if you end up throwing away half the fruit. Same goes for the package of six hearts of romaine lettuce, and the 3-pack of whipped heavy cream (240 servings) unless you're, say, hosting a sleepover for your child's entire soccer team. And their opponents. Teri Gault, founder of TheGroceryGame.com, which helps shoppers save on food, says that when it comes to produce, it's often more cost-effective to shop at your local supermarket and combine coupons with seasonal specials. Also avoid Costco's candy aisle -- do you really need a 5 pound bucket of licorice twists?

Did you catch it? Here let me help you some more...Read the very last sentence in that paragraph. Can you believe it? The nerve. YES! YES, I DO NEED a 5 pound bucket of licorice twists! Who are you to judge me Yahoo? Oh, and it's obvious that you are stalking my blog, writing about licorice just mere hours after I posted about having a 5 pound bucket of licorice. Coincidence? I think not! It's on Yahoo. Oh, It is so on!

PS...Hey food pyramid people, did you notice how licorice twists were mentioned in the produce paragraph? See I told you it was a fruit, even Yahoo is smart enough to figure that out.

Catching Up

2010-11-17T18:17:00.000-08:00

WOW! Where does the time go?

In September we made a quick trip to Utah for JC's granny's funeral. We were all sick with a nasty cold. We got to have dinner and a nice, but too short, visit with our very good friends. She is an excellent photographer and had we not all been sick and miserable we would have stuck around another day and let her take our Christmas pictures. If you are in the southern Idaho/ Northern Utah area and need some gorgeous shots, look her up.

We took the boys to Disneyland for the first time with some of JC's family. I woke them all up early and told them to hurry and get dressed because we had to take dad to LA to look at a truck. I got a lot of sass and, "Why didn't we do that on Saturday?" and "Can't we have a babysitter?" But I finally got them loaded up and we drove about three miles before JC pulled over and told me I had to drive because he needed to sleep. Of course, because number one: I HATE to drive, number two: I hate to drive in bad weather and it was pouring rain and then very foggy, number three: I HATE LA traffic, number four: JC is the worst back seat driver ever, okay my mom is worse (sorry mom), but still he complains about everything I do, and number five I wanted to video tape the boys as we pulled into Disneyland and JC doesn't know how to use the video camera. Number five didn't turn out that bad though because much to my disappointment the boys reaction was very much lacking in the excitement department. It went something like this:

Vootz "Are we at Disneyland?"
Me "Ummm Yeah!"
Boys "Cool." Notice I did not use an exclamation point there. Seriously a boring response.

Dub was pretty disappointed he was too short to ride Indiana Jones but we all still had a great time.

The boys had great parent teacher conferences and their report cards were wonderful. Vootz's teacher is great and so perfect for him.

Buzz's teacher teared up when she was talking about how wonderful he is.

Rub's teacher has done the impossible. He is reading and she said he is doing great and is a great kid. She is doing fantastic, remember this is the kid I thought was going to flunk out of kindergarten just because he likes to play mind games. He doesn't play them with her. She has a reputation for being the "mean first grade teacher", but Rub LOVES her! He is doing awesome!

Dub's teacher loves him and had this to say about his quarterly test...
Mrs. M- "Dub what's your address? Where do you live?
Dub- "The Batcave"
Mrs. M- "When is your birthday?"
Dub- "It's already passed."
My thoughts...What a little stink!

All I have to say is my boys teachers are A-MAZING!!! Love them! Appreciate them (especially after a week of independent study to go to Utah)! They are the BEST!

In October I ran a 5k (that's 3.1 miles for the conversion challenged) in 32 minutes. Last Saturday I ran a half marathon (13.1 miles) in 2 hours 35 minutes. Planning a 10k (6.2miles) in January, yes, I realize that is backwards to run a half then go back down to a 10k but that's the way I roll and I need the 10k t-shirt, it just doesn't feel complete to have the 5 and 1/2 without the 10. Maybe a full marathon (26.2 miles) in March.

Yes, I am wearing a Fila top with Nike bottoms, Asics shoes, and even some Underarmor and Champion... got a problem with it? JC does. This drives him CRAZY! He is very Nike loyal and very against multi-brand wearing at the same time. Hey, they aren't paying me to advertise for them, I will mix and match what ever brands I want...as long as I have a hair ribbon to match.

I think it is WRONG WRONG WRONG that it is the middle of November and I wore shorts, a t-shirt and flip flops all day and was still sweating.

JC's family will be coming here for Thanksgiving. STRESS!!!

I really need to do the dairy free, caffeine free diet, but I always was a hard head who never did what the doctors said, why start now.

I cleaned my house today and it lasted twelve and half minutes. Then I hid in the office with a huge chocolate covered carmel apple and a diet Pepsi and cried.

Vootz gets his braces on in two weeks. I told him I think this weekend we should feast on carmel apples, hot tamales, sour patch kids because he won't be able to after he gets his braces on.
Vootz- "Mom, I am getting braces, not you."
Me- "So no chocolate donuts?"
Vootz- "You're not even suppose to have chocolate donuts OR carmel. What do chocolate donuts have to do with braces anyway?"
Me- "Dude, you're such a trader!"
Vootz- "I would like a king size Snickers though."

Yesterday I ate:

Breakfast- Diet Dr. Pepper
Lunch- Licorice
Snack- Licorice
Dinner-Dill pickle
Dessert-Licorice
Snack-Chocolate Covered Carmel Apple
When I finally came off my sugar high, I slept really well. Do pickles count as a vegetable? Apples are good for you, an apple a day keeps the doctor away.

I think I should do a sugar detox. But I will have to wait until the bucket-O-licorice that is in my car is gone. Maybe I should go get it out and finish it off so I can start tomorrow. Eating a bucket of licorice by yourself in two days is probably not a good idea. Three days should be okay though, right?

Like Washing Your Car

2010-10-17T20:26:00.000-07:00

So tonight there was suppose to be a 30% chance of rain and scattered thunderstorms. According to weather.com they were not suppose to hit my zip code until 9pm. Now where we are when they say 30% chance of rain that usually means we might get two or three drops if we spit real hard and thunderstorms here (as in RIGHT HERE), haha that is funny. They are rare, they are fast, the are WEAK! This afternoon I wanted to run. I NEEDED to run. I was beginning to get a little claustrophobic and needed to breathe. I looked out the window and immediately knew that I could run, but breathing would be out of the question until some rain fell to settle the air. So I waited impatiently, getting antsier and antsier as the minutes ticked by. Still no rain but it would be getting dark soon so I laced up and headed out. My warm up walk, no rain. 1/2 mile drip...drop hmm maybe that was rain. 1 mile drip, drip, drip ahh refreshing. 1 1/2 miles flash 1.2.3.4 BOOM! Umm, little close. 2 miles flash 1.2.3 BOOOOM! Okay, running a little faster. 2 1/2 miles torrential down pour! Running ALL OUT!! Rounding the corning to home....nothing, no more lightning, no more rain, no more energy. Soaked through, squishy shoes, dripping mascara...laughing kids, but still I feel great! I liked running in the rain. The whole lightning being so close while I am outside with headphones on and soaking wet, not so much. Maybe if it was 8 or 9 counts away it might be cool, but not 3. Nothing like a hard run to make it rain; nothing like a hard rain to make you run.

He Started It

2010-10-17T19:20:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time a husband said something that made his wife really, really, really mad. The wife had two options. Option one would involve a lot of clean up including scrubbing the frying pan and that is something she already had enough of. So she went with option two, which was leave and leave as fast as she could. Since she could not find her keys she laced up her tennis shoes and ran. She ran and ran and ran until all her anger turned to tears and her tears to regret and sorrow and regret and sorrow to forgiveness and humility. After she had a long talk with herself and another long talk with God, she headed home. When she came back home that hot June afternoon, soaked in sweat and exhausted ~~so exhausted she could no longer hold a frying pan, much less swing it~~ she plopped down in her office chair, kicked off her shoes and noticed it. She felt good. Not just good, but GREAT! She was hot, sweaty, stinky and gross. She was exhausted and sore. Her mind was clear and calm and she was happy. The rest of that week was rough emotionally and she "ran away" a lot. Not that she was running away from her problems, but that she was running away from distractions so she could solve her problems. Before she knew it she was addicted.

One day she signed herself and her friends up for a 5k run. They ran and did great and felt great. She came home and immediately signed up for two more races. Then she worked on her resume, because addictions are pricey. The End.

WARNING: Lack of Chocolate Donuts Causes Brain Loss

2010-10-01T19:48:00.000-07:00

I've lost my mojo. I have sat down to blog and I type and delete, type and delete. I don't know why, but I am in a serious writing funk. Maybe I have sweated out all my wit running in the morning. Maybe I haven't had enough diet Pepsi to get the juices flowin', maybe it is chocolate donut deprivation. I am certain lack of chocolate donuts has to have some ill effect on something...I know it has had an effect on the scale. I have lost a little bit of weight, chocolate donut deprivation must cause loss of brain matter, hence causing loss of mojo. That's gotta be it! I lost the brain matter (which makes the scale say one thing when my jeans clearly say another) which causes lack of mojo, which causes slow blog traffic, which causes harping from friends to update the blog, which causes stress, which causes need for chocolate donuts, which I can't have, which causes more stress, more brain loss....It's a vicious cycle people, vicious I tell you! The End.

I Have A Left Brain

2010-09-29T19:41:00.000-07:00

This is great.

Dub Turned Five...a while ago.

2010-09-06T19:26:00.000-07:00

I am such a slacker mom! Dub's birthday came and went and I didn't even post about it, didn't take pictures...nothin'! First day of school...again slacker mom, no pictures. Forgive me readers for I have slacked...It's been a month since my last post. Today, Dub's birthday. Tomorrow, first day of school.

Pregnant with Dub. I was sick the first 6 months, had a broken foot the 5th month and sciatica problems the last 3 months. By the time I made up the weight I lost from being sick I had only gained 5 pounds total. I wore my normal clothes my whole pregnancy except the very end I wore maternity shirts because they were more comfortable.

Dub had to fight hard to live when he was born. He came early and too quickly. He was drowning in the fluid that didn't get compressed from his lungs because he was so small and came out so fast. They didn't place him in my arms like they did the other boys. They were rushing around him, and calling in more doctors and nurses. No one talked to me, no one explained what was wrong. I was in shock. I just stared at JC and he just stared back. They vacuumed out his lungs and he let out a little whine, not even a real cry. When I finally got to hold him he just lay in my arms sleeping. He would not eat, he would not wake up, he did not cry. They poked his foot, he didn't even whimper. They tried to get an O2 level on him and it wouldn't register. They took his blood, and he didn't even flinch. They took him away from me and rushed him into the NICU with a swarm of doctors and nurses behind them. No one told me what was wrong. No one explained anything. I just cried. Finally my OB came in and told me I could go see him after they got him stabilized. I asked him why they took him and what was wrong. He was angry. Not at me, but at the fact no one had bothered to even talk to me about what was happening. Angry with the staff, and I think angry with himself for assuming one of the 8 nurses and two other doctors had talked to me. He had been busy delivering the placenta and just figured the neonatal doctor or nurses had explained what happened. The neonatal doctor was called in to be present for the birth. He was there the WHOLE time with his nurses. No one even spoke a word to me.
Dub had to stay in the NICU. He had an IV, a feeding tube and artificial lungs breathing for him. He was using all the energy he had, just to live. I pumped and delivered my milk every two hours. I wasn't allowed to hold him right away and when I finally got to it was in a tangle of wires and tubes I had to be extra careful not to pull out or kink. I came in once to sit with him and the wind was knocked out of me and my knees became weak...I hadn't been warned about the IV being moved to his head. That was my last visit before I was discharged to go home, to go home with out my baby. I felt lost, incomplete, heartbroken, like I had failed. I was probably suffering from a little PPD at the time but I felt like my world was caving in. The only way I was able to walk out was knowing I was leaving him in the hands of a friend, who had asked to switch babies with another NICU nurse so he would be in her care. Thank you Donna, you are wonderful.

After Dub came home, he spent the first year of his life in a pouch, strapped to my chest. I used the "oh, he's nursing" excuse ALOT, even if he wasn't. I didn't want to risk him catching the flu, or even a cold from anyone because the doctors told me that if he caught them he would likely get pneumonia and possible have to be hospitalized again.

Dub is the perfect fourth child. When he gets tired, he finds a spot and goes to sleep. When he is hungry he asks nicely if he can get himself a snack. He plays quietly on his own or with his brothers. He loves to draw pictures and will sit at the table for hours with markers and crayons. He is super smart. He likes to write words and he always sounds them out first and then asks if he got it right. He is learning to read and loves books. His vision is terrible, sorry about that Dub. He looks super cute in his little glasses. He is a friend to everyone. His teacher told me he is very polite. He LOVES batman and Indiana Jones. He is super tough. When he gets hurt he is quick to claim that he is alright, even if I know he really is not. Example: One day I heard the toilet seat slam shut and he quickly exclaimed, "I'm alright, nothing broke!" Then I heard him wash his hands and he went about playing. TWO DAYS later I was clipping his finger nails and noticed the tip of his finger was HUGE, PURPLE and Oozing. When I asked him what happened he said, "Oh, I just smashed it in the toilet." I NEVER ONCE even heard him say ouch. He lost his nail. On the play ground at school he tripped and landed on his face. He got a little scratch by his eye where his glasses smashed into him, buggered up his glasses pretty good, but from what they told me he didn't cry, just said, "I fell down, but I'm alright." He adores his dad, but not as much as his dad adores him. His favorite foods are Kraft American cheese slices, bananas, and donuts. I still love to cradle him up in my arms and kiss all over his face, and he still tolerates it...for now. Happy Birthday Dub! We love you!

Run Kiwi... Run!!!

2010-08-06T07:33:00.000-07:00

It takes a special kind of crazy to get out of bed and run at 6 am....I do not have that special kind of crazy. I have tried twice now to run in the morning and both times I thought I'd rather be hit by a train. I can run in the evening, no problem. Why can't I run in the morning? Let's break this down shall we...

MORNING GOODS: Cool temps, beautiful sunrise, serene, peaceful, not exhausted from my day, not re-eating a whole BBQ Chicken pizza, kids are sleeping peacefully so my house will still be standing when I return.

MORNING BADS: It's morning.

EVENING GOODS: It's not morning, I can't kill them if I am not home.

EVENING BADS: It's 100+ degrees, air quality sucks, It's 100+ degrees, traffic is horrible (IOW- too many people to witness the freak show), it's been a long day, It's 100+ degrees, re-eating a whole BBQ chicken Pizza, Did I mention it's 100+ degrees? I have too much adrenaline pumping through me to get to sleep at a reasonable hour, My kids are destroying my house, I could be spending time with my husband...this list can go on forever!!!

Ummm...I changed my mind, It takes a special kind of crazy to run at night and I am very special.

Smarshmallows 101

2010-07-06T20:19:00.000-07:00

Here we go...

The Cast of Characters

Corn Syrup, Sugar, Egg White, Vanilla, Unflavored Gelatin, Water, Powdered Sugar, Brown Paper (like a grocery sack), Candy Thermometer.

Cut the large sides off your grocery sack. Keep both large sides and give the rest to the kids with some markers and stamps to keep them entertained for the next five minutes...if you're lucky. Put one inside up on cookie sheet. Set the other aside for tomorrow.

Dissolve two packages unflavored gelatin in 1/2 cup cold water.

In a heavy duty sauce pan stir together over high heat, 1/3 cup water, 1 cup sugar and 1 cup corn syrup. Stirring just until sugar is dissolved. Then put your thermometer in and watch the magic happen...and I do mean WATCH because if you walk away you might see the magic of 9-1-1 when your kitchen catches fire.

Continue to let your sugar syrup goodness boil until it reaches softball stage (or 240 degrees) on your candy thermometer. Then take it off the heat and stir in the dissolved gelatin. Now walk away and let this sit for 10 minutes.

While we are waiting our ten minutes separate one egg. Put the white in your mixer and whip it like crazy until stiff peaks form. Find something creative to do with your yolk. Stir 2 teaspoons vanilla into your syrup and then drizzle the syrup into the egg whites slowly while whipping on high speed.

Now whip it, whip it good. Sorry I couldn't help myself. Whip it up on high until your marshmallows look like this. They should form a little peak like this and then tip over. YUM! Resist the urge to stick your fingers in now...trust me you will make a sticky mess.

Instead, spread out your gooey, smarshmallowy, yumminess on your paper like this. Now comes the hard part. Walk away. Yep, walk away for at least eight hours or over night. Now would be a great time to make some graham crackers. Don't worry, we will cover that soon.

After the eight hours, sift powdered sugar all over the top. Then cover it with the other part of your sack, inside toward the mallows. Then Flip it all over quickly onto another cookie sheet.

Now with a clean wet cloth mop the back of the paper that the marshmallow is stuck to.

Next, peel back the paper, wetting it as necessary to unstick it. Then sift more powdered sugar over the new top.

Now cut them into pieces and toss them around in more sugar so they don't stick together.

There ya go. Homemade "smarshmallows"! Go grab your graham crackers and chocolate quick! Enjoy.

Homemade Smarshmallows

1 C granulated sugar
1 C corn syrup
1/3 C water
2 packets (2 Tbl) unflavored gelatin
1/2 cup cold water
2 tsp. vanilla
1 egg white
1-2 C powdered sugar

One done, Two Going, One left.

2010-07-03T17:53:00.000-07:00

Ugh! Vomit. Enough said.

Crock Pot Cake

2010-07-03T17:00:00.000-07:00

With out realizing it my good friend Karrie over at Mules N Honey gave me a challenge. For those of you who don't know, Karrie has been living in a 320 square foot RV with her husband and FOUR kids for like 5 years now while they are building their house. Karrie asked me the other day if I had ever baked a cake in my crock pot. She had tried and didn't have the best results so she wanted to know if I had any hints. Now I am sure you are asking yourself, "Why on earth would you want to bake a cake in a crock pot and not just use your oven?" Well for starters, Karrie has no oven. Second, using an oven makes your house like, HOT!! Three, why not? I had heard of it being done, but had never tried it myself, which is surprising since I am a huge crock pot fanatic. I have been tossing this unspoken "challenge" around in my head for a few days now. Well today I did it. I baked a lemon cake in my crock pot and it is ....GOOOOD! Incredibly moist and yummy. Mine didn't turn out super pretty because when I was inverting it onto my plate, we had an emergency, so I had to kinda drop it all and it all fell to pieces. Also I have a hot spot in my crock that always burns everything, so I had a three inch span of the very outer part of the cake that got too done on one side. Even with all that, the cake was a hit. I just served up the pieces drizzled with a little glaze and a squirt of whipped cream. Here is what I did:

Lemon Crock Pot Cake

1 Box of lemon cake mix (or flavor of you choice)
1 Box of instant pudding (which I failed to use because I was interrupted)
8 Ounces Sour Cream
4 Eggs
3/4 cup oil
1 Cup water

Mix all ingredients in mixer on low for thirty seconds. Scrape the sides and bottom of the bowl down and mix on med/high speed for two minutes. Pour batter into a greased crock. (I just used PAM) Turn crock pot on high. Cover with lid, vented very slightly to help let out condensation but keep in the heat. Cook 3-4 hours on high or 6-8 on low until a toothpick inserted in the middle comes out mostly clean, carefully rotating crock half way through for more even cooking. (My crock is oval so I rotated once, if you have a round crock rotate a quarter turn every 45 minutes or so). When done remove crock from base, take off lid and let sit for fifteen minutes before trying to invert it onto your serving platter. (Or skip that all together and serve from the crock)

Glaze:

1 Cup powdered sugar
Juice from 1/2 a lemon
Two drops almond extract (because I like it, use vanilla if you like)

Stir all ingredients together until smooth, you may need to add a couple drops of water if it is too thick, or more sugar if it is too thin. Drizzle over warm (NOT HOT) cake.

The cake will be a little darker on the edges and very moist on top and the top will not brown like it will in the oven. Also, my crock is a 7 quart Rival. It is missing one and a half of its three legs, and it is OLD, and scribbled on with sharpy and the handle is missing... so if my 'ol pot can do it so can yours! If you are using a smaller diameter crock, you might want to only use part of your batter so the cake cooks all the way through without burning on the outside. Next time I will try my smaller one and let you know how it goes, it is currently holding the baked beans I made yesterday for tomorrow's Happy Birthday Michael and America party that will not be happening now that we are having tummy troubles.

The Handstanding Shark

2010-06-30T18:40:00.001-07:00

On Monday JC and I took the boys swimming. I have been having trouble getting Rub to try swimming without his floaties, so I assigned JC the task of getting the kid to swim sans floaties. So JC says to him, "Hey Rub look what I can do?" Then he went under water and stood on his hands. Duh! Why didn't I think of that. The boy lives upside down. So Rub says, "Hey lemme try" to which JC told him he would have to take off his floaties first. So off they came without a second thought and down he went, and came back up with a huge smile on his face. Then JC stepped out toward me in the middle of the pool and said, "Hey Rub, I'm gonna have your momma." This time he hesitated a little, but only until JC was within reach of me then he was off like a little shark. Pushed up right between us and pushed JC away. JC said, "See Rub, you don't need floaties." and that was that.

This is how Rub eats his lunch.

This is how Rub just hangs around.

I took the boys swimming Tuesday. Rub jumped right in and started swimming all around the shallow end of the pool and jumping after the rings. Dub said he wanted to swim with out floaties too, so off they came and off he went like a little fish. They are not by any means strong swimmers yet, but if they fell in I am pretty sure they would be able to swim to the edge. By the end of our swim today I had Rub swimming in the deep end with me. The big boys are trying to get him to dive. He tried a couple of times and might just have it mastered by the end of the summer.

Still Waiting on My Radioactive Super Powers

2010-06-29T21:05:00.001-07:00

When I went to Santa Ynez for my Uncle Van's funeral in April I got bit by something on my left shin. Then I got a rash all over the front of my shin. After 8 weeks of itching and misery I finally gave up on the rash clearing up on its own and went to the doctor. I have also had a suspicious looking something on my neck for several weeks so I wanted the Doc to look at it too. He grabbed a pair of forceps and a scalpel and sliced off a nice chunk of the thing on my neck and dropped it into a specimen container.

Next he asked me the story about my leg. Then he lectured me for not coming in sooner. Mentioned antibiotics and that it might have been a tick bite and Lyme's disease blah blah I tuned out at this point because Lyme's disease is like a power switch to my brain, been there, done that and didn't even get a t-shirt for it. Then he stuck me with a needle and pumped my shin full of lidocaine. Then he took the deepest punch biopsy I have ever seen, slapped a band aid on me and gave me hug and told me he would call me with the results in two weeks. Oh and he was sending me to the dermatologist for a full skin cancer work up....tuning out blah blah...Can't hear you...blah blah blah...not listening. Then he said, how's your heart doing? I said, "Great, full of love. I have the best family and friends ever." Then he cocked his head to the side, gave it a shake and put his hands on his hips and said, "SIT!" and proceeded to look up my records from my last cardio visit. After a few Hmms, umms, uh-huhs and tisk tisks he said, "Did you have any pop today?"
I love that he calls it pop, it makes me smile. "Um, well you see I was up at 4 am this morning to go to Fresno and..."
Again, he shakes his head, "how much?"
"Well you see it was a long day and..."
"NO MORE POP!"
"I can't have any dairy and I can't have any 'pop' so where is the joy? All my favorite food groups ripped away."
"You realize 'pop' and chocolate donuts are not food groups right?"
I smile, he knows me so well. I miss working with him. "No, but they should be."
He gives me another hug and tells me to behave, hands me a stack of stickers for the boys and disappears into the next room. I really have the bestest Doc EVER, except that he forgets I bleed like crazy and that band aids give me rashes, or maybe he just figured whats one rash on top of another.
His assistant came in and shook her head at me, I wanna say "WHAT!?" But I don't because I love her and she has gauze and adhesive free wrap in her hands. She takes off my band aids and cleans me up. We have a good laugh at how Doc treats us (his assistants past and present) like his own kids, and we both know how lucky we are to get to have him as our Doc.

I Have A Double Digit Kid

2010-06-29T20:04:00.001-07:00

I missed blogging about Vootz on his birthday because I was dealing with more death in my family. So I will catch up now. On April 29 Vootz turned 10! Double Digits Baby!!

I was so excited when I found out I was pregnant with Vootz. I figured I was pregnant and I would eat what ever I craved and I didn't care if I gained a hundred pounds I would lose it. I had always been pretty tall and thin, losing the baby weight would be cake. DUMB! I ate Los Tacos everyday on my way to work because that is what I craved. I ate mexican food for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Could not get enough of it. I gained about 60 pounds. I was HUGE!!! I was two weeks over due and miserable. The doctor induced me at 10 pm on the 28th. I went from 0 contractions to WOW! MY BODY IS RIPPING TO SHREDS FROM THE INSIDE OUT!!!! With in five minutes. I went in to the hospital planning on no drugs, no epidural. After five minutes I was begging for drugs. I could not have an epidural because I was not dilated, so they gave me Demerol. I very rarely take even Tylenol, so Demerol knocked me through a loop or two except when a contraction would hit...then it was like they had given me nothing at all. After contracting hard all night at 6am I was still only at a 3. But a 3 was enough to get me an epidural so I was okay with that. After they gave me my epidural I fell asleep for about an hour until my water broke. I called JC ( I had sent him home after they admitted me, so I would not kill him ) I told him my water broke and he needed to come back. At 7:30 I was crossing my legs trying to keep Vootz in until JC showed up. At 8 JC walked through the door. At 8:03 Vootz was born. I pushed twice and told JC to shut up once which he is still mad about to this very day. I asked him what took so long to get there and he said he thought it would be a while so he finished watching Scooby Doo and took a shower.

Vootz weighed 8 pounds 10 ounces. He was quite honestly a pain in the rump. He was impossible to get to sleep, it took hours and as soon as I would lay him down he would wake up. He HATED to be swaddled. The nurses would swaddle him and lay him down and he would scream like a banshee. I would unswaddle him and get him to sleep and the nurses would come back in and wrap him back up and this went on and on until I left.

He adored his Buppa Dude (JC's Dad) and still cries and misses him terribly. He always wanted things "towed up". Anything that could be tied to anything, he wanted to "tow it up". He is very smart when he puts forth the effort, but gets easily frustrated. He loves to read about WWII, baseball and our family history. He can build anything with Legos and yesterday built me a picture frame with a hinged stand. He is a hard worker inside and out. He is very sensitive and compassionate. He has a huge imagination and loves to play outside and build things. He loves music and John Wayne movies. He can tell you anything you want to know about the Titanic. He loves to read himself to sleep, but it usually takes a few hours. He is still impossible to get to sleep. He loves to sleep in. He is a great swimmer and diver. He loves his brothers and takes great care of them. He is very much a homebody. He gets upset at the thought of going anywhere without at least one brother to comfort him.

This year he placed in his classroom science fair and got to move onto the school wide science fair. He made Honor Roll 3 of the 4 quarters and got to have a sleepover with Buzz at Papa's mountain house. He wants to learn to shoot guns and drive. He is not sure what he wants to do when he grows up. I love you Vootzky!

Ps. He might have been switched at birth because the boy has the best tan you have ever seen on a caucasian boy. He also has a TON of super thick blond leg and arm hair. I also pulled a two inch long blond hair from his cheek last week. HEAVEN HELP ME!

Look Who's 8!!

2010-06-29T19:28:00.000-07:00

This little ham is 8 years old today!!!

When I was pregnant with Buzz I was very, very sick. I lost weight and was on IV's a lot. I didn't have to wear maternity clothes until I was eight months pregnant. I never had to wear maternity pants with him, just rubber banded my jeans closed. After I lost so much weight in the first six months I gained it all back and then the day I delivered I was only five pounds heavier than when I started. I also took a nasty spill down a flight of cement stairs at my brother in laws apartment while carrying Vootz. My hip gave out and down I went. My doctor made me use a cane for the remainder of my pregnancy. Buzz was 7 pounds 14 ounces. He had really short white hair that stood straight up. That is why he got his nick name. He also had really bad reflux, so his name changed from Buzz to Bulimic Buzz. He was a great baby. He loved his swing, he would fall asleep mid crawl, mid bite, in the bath or whenever, wherever he wanted. He has always been very close with his dad.

Buzz has always been a great student and hates to miss school, even when he is really sick I have to force him to stay home. He makes friends easily. He loves to draw and make up his own books. He loves to play on the computer. He can use the paint program like nobodies business and kicks booty on their games, when one of his brothers ~~or his mom~~ get stuck on a level it's Buzz to the rescue. He is an early riser, no matter what time he went to bed, he will be up with or most times before the sun. He is very sensitive, compassionate, loving and timid. He will cry if you raise your voice at him and easily gets his feelings hurt. He is the first to try to make someone feel better when they are sad or sick. He use to be extremely afraid of dogs, or any animal for that matter and would not even come outside if the neighbors dog was out. He is incredibly funny and has me in stitches most of the day. He wants to be a video game designer and artist when he grows up.

We always celebrate his birthday on the 4th and we always use sparklers as his candles. His birthday this year falls on the day our stake does baptisms, but Buzz didn't want to be baptized on his birthday so we will wait until the 31st of July instead. WE LOVE YOU BUZZ, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

Hot Enough To Fry An Egg

2010-06-29T18:39:00.000-07:00

It's been HOT here. It has been 104 degrees. Now it gets way hotter than that here, sometimes 115, but what has been so bad about the heat this week is it has also been HUMID! We are a dry heat kind of state. We can handle the heat but when you throw in humidity we have a problem. This week we actually had a day that was 104 with 34% humidity. I thought I might suffocate.

The boys were watching Curious George this morning and George and "The Man in the Yellow Hat" made a sun oven out of a pizza box to cook their lasagna in when the power went out during a heat wave. So the boys came to me and said they wanted to make a lasagna in the sun with a pizza box. It took me a minute but I figured out what they were talking about and thought, hey why not, might as well make use of all that heat outside. Well aside from the fact, we don't have a pizza box or the stuff to make lasagna and it means I will have to go outside, away from the comfort of my A/C. So we went on a hunt for suitable boxes and all the supplies. I of course did not have everything we really should have had, but we made a solar oven out of what we had. It turned out pretty good. We tried to make bread in it, and it would have been good too, except I let it rise first and then it continued to rise too much in the oven and fell. So note to self, omit the second rise. I have been reading about them for a while and would like to have one, a nice one like a Sun Oven, not the cardboard one we made today. A Sun Oven is on my wish list. I think it is awesome to be able to cook in the dead of summer with out heating up my house and will try any method available to achieve a real dinner without turning on my kitchen oven.

I was slicing some of the homemade bread I made in the real oven for dinner tonight and Rub says, "I know mom, just one slice 'cause we gotta save some for our good friends Tizzo and JR."
I said, "Oh, really? Are they coming for a visit?"
He said, "Yup. Gonna come have some bread with us and then dad, and me are gonna play some green 2 with them."
Now I now most of you probably have no clue why this is so funny, so let me enlighten you. Tizzo and JR are friends of JC's. They have never met in person, they play on line video games together on the same team or clan as they are called. Tizzo lives in Arizona and JR lives in Indiana. My kids recognize all of the voices of JC's clan members. Listening to my kids talk about them, if you didn't know better, you would think they were their uncles of something.

Oh Mrs. McKee, I'm So Sorry

2010-06-23T19:48:00.000-07:00

Dub conversation...pay attention to the principals name and how Dub says it...

Mom, why do you take me to school all the days?

Because wouldn't you miss your friends and Mrs. Mckee, Miss Hughes and Mr. Sentes if you didn't go to school?

Yes, but Mr. "Sentence" wasn't there today.

He wasn't?

Nope. Mr. "Sentence" had meetings today. So I couldn't be sent to his office today.

Ummm...have you been sent to his office before?

No. But if I was bad today I would have had to talk to Miss Hughes instead of Mr. Sentence.

You aren't bad at school are you?

No. Just sometimes I get in a little trouble.

Really? For what?

Sometimes my mouth forgets to how to be quiet.

Oh. Well let's try to remember how to be quiet from now on ok?

I didn't say me mom. I said my mouth*pointing to his mouth with both hands and over exaggerating the word.*

Sorry Mrs. Mckee, I am afraid you have your hands full.

Odds and Ends and New Things to Come

2010-06-23T18:07:00.000-07:00

Yikes it's been awhile. I have been very busy lately. I have totally re-done the boys room to make room for lil Dub to have a real bed. He had a toddler bed that fit nicely at the end of the big boys bunk bed/trundle, but it broke, so he was using a toddler mattress on the floor. The only way to fit them all in their room was going to be to get rid of the bedroom set they had and replace them with two more compact metal framed bunk beds. What they had was a very heavy, bulky, wood bunk bed with trundle. Great furniture from This End Up that I have had and loved since I was a child. I really did not want to get rid of it so this was a big decision for me. Thankfully my mom took it to her house for visits from the grand kids. Yea Mom! I figured while I had the furniture out I should paint and clean the carpets and take down the bent up destroyed blinds and hang some curtains...specifically black out curtains! I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE black out curtains!! I took out everything including the doors and light, and painted, hung new curtains (all by myself I might add, had to use the drill and molly bolts and everything), built a nightstand (again, by myself), built the two new bunk beds (Okay, I didn't do this part my incredible brother in law and sister in law did...THANKS GUYS!), hung a new light...that actually works! (Okay I didn't really do that part either, because it takes a step ladder and deals with electricity both of which I am afraid of...THANKS JC!) Hung the doors back up (also by myself and while I was talking on the phone...I am the multi tasking queen!) So the boys camouflage room is almost finished, just a few more little things to do. They are way excited! I will post pictures as soon as it is ALL complete.

I have also been super busy in the kitchen. So far this summer I have canned strawberry jam, orange marmalade, apricot jam, cherries and chicken.

I have made so many loaves of bread I have lost track. Worked on my dutch oven baking skills.

Baked cookies, cupcakes, muffins, graham crackers, blackberry pies, beef pot pies and cakes. Yesterday I did something I have always wanted to try...I made my own marshmallows! They were mmmm very tasty! I have had several people ask me about the marshmallows and how to make them, so I will tell you....just not today, because I would like to be able to SHOW you how. I am a visual learner so to help all of my visual learning peeps out there I will make more mallows tomorrow and have step by step pictures. I have decided my blog needs a make over, just not sure what I am going to do with it. I do want to add a step by step recipe section I know that much. For today check out this website for some easy, yummy, pancakes using your food storage wheat. Made them for dinner tonight...they were a hit!

I have also been busy with the three big boys outta school and Dub in school. We have been spending a lot of time swimming so I can keep the kids sufficiently tired out. By the way have I told you how much I LOVE black out curtains?? LOVE THEM!! I have been able to put my exhausted kids to bed at 7ish and have them crash out almost immediately because their room is nice and dark, even though it is still very much day light outside. It has also helped keep their room and the hallway where the a/c thermostat is like 10 degrees cooler! Now I just need to get some for my room.

So much more to do this summer...
My sister in law just brought me over a lot more apricots to jam tomorrow.
Going to the temple on Friday with two of my best friends (my mother in law and best friend/PTC VP)
Potatoes and Carrots to can on Saturday
Step by Step Tutorials to work on
Blog over haul
Two boys to teach how to swim
Collect all my recipes written on scraps of papers, napkins, post its ...and put them in the computer and print out a book!
More sewing projects than I will ever accomplish in my lifetime.
My nieces toenails to paint
The rest of the house to paint
Oh the list goes on and on. Right now I will start with making me a s'mores...priorities people, priorities!

Don't Shoot!

2010-05-23T20:09:00.000-07:00

I am going to tell a story about the night I almost, coulda, shoulda, woulda, but didn't, get shot.

So I have this BFF and she is ~~kind of~~, ~~a little bit~~ very OCD. (Sorry, I love you to bits and pieces but you are, and I know this is not news to you, so I don't feel too bad about saying it.) Tonight we will discuss her obsession with her garage door. It is only ever open long enough for her to drive in or out of the garage. I noticed it was open at about 6-ish the other night. I thought, Oh, she must have just gotten home. Then I drove by around 8-ish as I was headed to the store to pick up some...um carrots, yeah that's it carrots for that late night carrot craving, and it was open. So I called to say, "Hey just wanted to see what you were up to, by the way your garage is open are you headed out?" I got her voice mail. It says Hi this is "your BFF" somethin' somethin'. I am always tempted to say, No this is not my BFF, this is my BFF's voicemail, but I don't. Ope, where were we. Oh yes, I got her voicemail and left her a message. When I drove back by at 8:30-ish (I promise I am not a stalker, I have to pass her house to get out of the neighborhood) it was still open. So I called her...again (again not a stalker...much) and it went to voicemail...again. Something was clearly not right. She NEVER leaves her garage door open that long...especially not after dark and she NEVER ignores my calls...hardly ever. So I tucked in my children and headed over to check on her.

As I was leaving, I called again. Still no answer, so I left this message..."Hey, it's me and I have called you a few times and you are not answering and your garage door has been up all night so I am coming to check on you...DON'T SHOOT ME!!"

When I got to her house I went to the front door. All the lights were off inside. I knocked and no one answered. Naturally being female I begin thinking the worst. My thoughts went like this. She pulled in the garage and passed out in the car. I went in the garage and checked in the car. No BFF. ...or someone followed her home and kidnapped her from the garage *enter logic* she probably went somewhere with her parents and maybe she didn't realize the door didn't shut or something was in the way of it shutting and it came back up. Maybe she went in to tuck kids in bed and ended up falling asleep with them. I checked the garage door that leads inside...it's unlocked. Okay, she is home. She has to be. Went back to the front door and knocked again really loudly. No answer. Called again. No answer. Called her mom. No answer. Panicking now. Not sure what to do.

Options:

1. Hit the button to close the garage door and run and jump over the sensor like a ninja. Have I mentioned I am not much of a ninja? Yep, not a ninja. This is so not an option.

2. Hit the button that closes the garage door, go inside and let myself out the front door. Still doesn't solve the problem of, "Is she okay?"

3. Go inside and look for her. Pray she doesn't shoot me.

4. Go home and forget about it. Umm no, she'd kill me for sure.

Yes, I thought about ringing the door bell until she answered, but the mommy in me wouldn't do that, because it would wake up kids...and that is just NOT NICE! NOT NICE AT ALL! Yes, I realize had she shot me, that would probably wake up kids too, but I would rather take my chances.

Thought process as I pace back and forth from the front door to the garage door: Obviously I have no choice here, I have to go inside. Geeze...I'm gonna get shot. I'm gonna scare her to death and she's gonna shoot me. Okay, worst case scenario...She shoots me. I die and she wonders what the h e double hockey sticks I was doing in her house in the middle of the night. At least I won't have to do the dishes and laundry. Hmmmm...nope worser case scenario...She shoots me, I live. I have laundry and dishes x days incapacitated + what's already there = WORST CASE SCENARIO! Either way shot or not, she's probably gonna have to shampoo her carpets when this is all over.

Open door from garage to house. Calling out to her over and over again saying, It's just me, your friend who is randomly letting herself into your house in the middle of the night, please don't shoot me, just want to make sure you are ok, hello, please don't shoot, it's just me. Flip on the lights, head down the hall still calling out. Greeted by barking dogs. Ask the dogs where mommy is. Turn the corners at the same time to be standing in front of each other both freaked out! Hearts pounding, eyes wide, fists raised.

I explained to her why I was in her house in the middle of the night and I am not sure what freaked her out more, waking her up with the "someone is in my house" panic or the fact that she hadn't closed the garage. Anyway, all is well. The garage got closed I didn't have to worry all night and I didn't even get shot in the process...this time. Next time she will be ready because now she has moved the gun to a readily accessible location, and next time I will just ring the door bell and deal with momma fury that follows.

No. Owie.

2010-05-10T19:23:00.000-07:00

For years I have complained to my doctor about how something is not right with me. I couldn't put my finger on any specific problem, but something, somewhere in me was wrong ~~and it wasn't just in my head, I already know I am not quite right there.~~ The doctor finally got tired of listening to me whine about it and decided, after he had run every other test in the book, to order an allergy panel. So I get an email from doc a couple days later. Low and behold I am allergic to milk. Anyone who knows me, knows milk is was just about my only food group. Unless of course you consider chocolate donuts or diet Pepsi food groups, WHICH I DO but have been unsuccessful in my attempts to convince the pyramid makers to see things my way. Also, those donuts...yep, contain milk!! Anyway doc says, "cut out ALL milk, milk products and milk byproducts for at least two weeks and then see how you feel. Be sure to read labels carefully!"

"Okay", says I! Thinking I will just have to cut out the milk, cheese and ice cream. How hard can that be? Well the no Breyers mint chip part might be a little difficult, but as long as it is a relatively low stress kinda time I should be okay. It's not a life threatening allergy. It's not as bad as a gluten or soy allergy. It's just milk. Then I look down and see the huge plate of Cajun Chicken Pasta in my lap, made with 2 cups of heavy cream. Guess I'll start tomorrow.

Day one: CRAP! What the heck can I eat??? EVERYTHING in my house contains milk! Bread, microwave popcorn, cereal, yogurt, Doritos, salad dressing, even the nasty dang hot dog contains milk!

Day two: This will get easier right? Dub's Heather brings over Hershey's thumbprint cookies. I might not starve. I eat around the "milk" chocolate kiss...after three cookies I remember cookies are made with butter! Well good ones are anyway, and these were goooood!! Okay, my two weeks will start tomorrow.

Day three: Made homemade milk free bread. Went shopping for milk alternatives. I've had the silk before. I like the chocolate one, but the plain and vanilla *shudders*. I could put chocolate Silk on my cereal, but because I have impressionable children who, I pray, eat better than their momma, I won't. Bought some vanilla Almond Breeze and chocolate Silk.

Day four: My Uncle crashes his plane and does not survive. Could REALLY use some pizza, chocolate donuts, Breyers mint chip, Doritos!! Can't have my comfort foods, so I opt for no food instead.

Getting use to this. Dropping weight. That alone could make this allergy worth it.

Head out of town for the funeral. Have to learn how to order my food. Toast dry. Eggs...scrambled?...nope they probably add milk. Over easy?...nope probably done in butter. Poached?...hopefully safe. Still not comfortable asking about how my food is prepared. Hope the bread is milk free. Bacon. Fruit. Diet Pepsi...yes, I know I could have had oj, but I was in bed at 1:00am and outta bed by 4:00am. Besides, that's the only comfort food I have left, leave me alone.

Several weeks pass...I think I have the hang of it. Feeling better than I have in years, maybe ever. Didn't know how bad I actually felt because I didn't know what feeling good was. My skin is clear. It's not dry and itchy. It's not breaking out. Haven't had any migraines. My stomach doesn't hurt (shhhh it. It was the milk, not the donuts and Doritos) You women know the pregnancy progression poster on the wall at the OB? You know the one that looks like the evolution poster? It shows a side view of what your body looks like as it progresses through the weeks of pregnancy....I use to look like the 20 weeks on a daily basis. Now I only look like...well not like 20 weeks, so that is progress right there. I have energy. I am sleeping really well at night and waking up early, ready to go...mostly. People notice the difference in me. I feel even better knowing it was not all just in my head.

Have an uh-oh kinda day. A slice of Pizza. A little Cake. Sick. Cramping tummy. Headache. Two days later, my face is a mess. I have been tired and grumpy. JC notices and asks, "what did you eat?" So was not worth it. I hope I remember this next time I am tempted. Need to take a note from my nephew (he can't have gluten). He sees "no, no" foods, even yummy ones like cake, and says, "No. Owie." Smart kid. I was wrong, this is as bad as a gluten allergy. Thankfully not life threatening like a nut or shellfish allergy though.

The heavens smile on me! I find a pretty good flavor of Doritos that don't contain milk. I replace my Breyer's with some sorbet...miss that creaminess, so I may have to try Lassen's for some dairy free ice cream. I hear they have a chocolate cherry one that is pretty good. Not missing my cheese bad enough yet to want to try vegan cheese. Found some vegan butter that's not too bad. Came up with a killer 10 grain bread recipe. Anyone know if they make vegan chocolate donuts? Just askin'.

Stolen E-mails

2010-04-22T20:37:00.000-07:00

Okay...still no music but here is a little humor for your day. I stole it from an email my momma sent me. I cracked up at 20...the visual was just too much.

25 REASONS I OWE MY MOTHER

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .

"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL .
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY .
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING .
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?" or

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

And my favorite:

25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you “

Dusting Down The Cob Webs

2010-04-21T19:11:00.000-07:00

Yikes! It's a ghost town around here. Sorry about that. I have this little idiosyncrasy...I can't blog well with out music on my head phones to block out JC gaming and the boys fighting and the cat whining...life in general. My sound card died about a month ago and so even though I have things I want to blog about...I just can't. Well, not true. I can, but I won't, because it will stink like last weeks gym socks. Please don't give up on me. I will be back soon. To tide you over here is the Dub quote of the week....

"Mom, you should throw Rub away."

"Whaaat?"

"That's a cuzz he always bees 'custing, and has stinky toots and he always steals my turn."

"Hmm."

The Stone Ages

2010-03-29T18:34:00.000-07:00

To help Vootz keep up on his work while his hand is in a cast he has been using a tape recorder. You know the old school kind you used in first grade at the listening centers. When his teacher handed it to him along with two cassette tapes he was baffled. When she left, he looked at me and said, "Mom, what is this?"

Me- Are you kidding me? It's a tape recorder.

Vootz- How does it work?

Me- Serious?

Vootz- What are these?

Me- Oh my gosh. *laughing* The tapes you record on.

I showed him how to work it and sent him off to his room to start recording math facts. A little while later he came back frustrated.

Me- What's wrong?

Vootz- I can't find the delete button. The boys interrupted me and now their yelling is on my tape.

Me- *laughing*

He has also been using the computer to "hunt and peck" his spelling work out on. Thursday night I was giving him a spelling test...

Vootz- Mom, I don't know how you failed typing in high school. This is so easy.

Me- Um let's see. It could be that we had to use actual type writers, not computers. There was no such thing as the delete button that you used three times just to spell the word Illinois. We had to look up at a projection on the wall in front of the class not at the keys and had to type what was on the overhead. We were graded on speed and accuracy. Oh, and the fact that I needed glasses and didn't know until the last week of the semester probably didn't help either.

It's sad that my kids didn't know what a cassette recorder was. It's sad that they have never seen a typewriter, a BETA VCR, a TV with out a remote, or a rotary phone. They have never played frogger on ATARI, and they don't understand that you can't instantly see the picture you took with a 35mm camera. They have never piled 6 deep into a car with vinyl seats, no seat belts, no AC, no DVD player, or video games in July to travel thousands of miles in the spirit of family adventure. Sad. But man I love technology.

Adventures With Rub and Dub

2010-03-29T17:56:00.000-07:00

Rub- Mom when I be a grown up I will need to go to the airport.

Me- Why?

Rub- You might not believe it, but I am going on an Indie adventure. You might not see me for a while.

Dub- YOU CAN'T GO ON AN INDIE ADVENTURE, I'M INDIE!

I ~~tuned out the ensuing argument here~~ lost track of the conversation here to avoid running over the kid who jumped his bike off the curb and onto the highway in front of me. The momentary distraction wasn't long enough...

Rub- Mom, did Dub go on the Last Crusade?

Dub- I'M TALKING ABOUT A LONG TIME AGO, YOU WEREN'T BORN YET!

Rub- Mom knows everything!

*Mental note...have the Tooth Fairy leave that boy a little extra cash.*

Dub- NO SHE DOESN'T! YOU'RE WRONG!

Rub- LA LA LA LA LA I'M NOT LISTENING!

Dub- MOM! Rub's not listening to my story!

Rub- You weren't even born before me.

Dub- I AM TAAALLKINGGG ABOUT A LONG TIME AGOOO. YOU WERE DE-EAD.

Rub- Then how come I am right here?

Dub- You're a ghost.

Rub- Mom am I a ghost?

Me- No Rub.

Rub- Dub you are lying!

Dub- MOM! RUB CALLED ME A LIAR!

Rub- BECAUSE YOU SAID I WAS A GHOST!

Dub- No. I changed my mind. It's just a story. I called you a ghost because you're being so happy.

Rub- I can't help it, I just can't stop being happy.

Dub- Well it's not funny.

Good Morning To You...You Live In A Zoo...

2010-03-20T19:52:00.000-07:00

Dub is not a morning person. He does not like to be woke up before he wakes up on his own. He does not like the mornings to be noisy. He does not like to talk to anyone until he is ready, and doesn't want anyone to talk to him either. He does not like the sun to shine through the window or to have the lights turned on. He does not like to get out of his pajamas. He has been known to throw things at anyone who dares disturb him.

He likes to wake up slowly, quietly and in the dark. He will wake up and pull the covers over his head and lay there for sometimes up to an hour before he actually decides to get out of the bed. When he does finally get up he is usually in a pretty good mood as long as he was allowed to wake up on his terms. Most of the time he will bounce in and give a cheery good morning can I have "fretfist please".

Yesterday morning Dub did not get to wake up on his terms. The blinds were open, the radio was on and the house was chaotic. I was getting ready for a doctor appointment, the boys were getting ready for school, and Dub needed to get ready to go with his Aunt Nae. I waited until the very last minute to even talk to him because I knew he would be a grump. When I could wait no longer, ~~I told him to get up, tossed his clothes to him from across the room and fled to the safety of my own room.~~ I asked him to please get up and get dressed. A few minutes later Dub came into my room. He looked to be in an okay mood. ~~He wasn't carrying any weapons.~~ He was already almost dressed. So I thought, maybe he's okay.

Dub- Mom. Can you please button these pants?

Me- *Hmm a little edge to his tone, but he said please. Maybe he is okay.* Sure Dub, I'd love to button those pants.

Dub- Would you please stop being so happy. It's really not funny.

Umm guess not. We are making progress. He did not shout. He did not throw anything at me. His voice was flat, even and almost kind of emotionless...yes, I do believe we are making progress.

This and That and A Trip to The CARdiac Mechanic

2010-03-16T20:14:00.001-07:00

Vootz got his hard cast put on Thursday. They took off the soft splint and we saw the pins sticking out of his finger. The tech was real nice and scrubbed his hand down good with alcohol, he had been itching like crazy and ewww the smell! He felt much better after a good scrub. He got a black cast per my request, because he is a boy and it will hide the grime better. He told me when he gets his pins out in three weeks he wants the new cast to be red so his friends can sign it.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Buzz came home today and said, "Mom, I don't want to tell you what happened at lunch recess today, but I think I should."

Me- What happened Buzz?

Buzz- A girl kissed my cheek.

Me- Who? Eva?

Buzz- Yes. I didn't want her too, but she did on her own. I told her I wasn't allowed to have kisses until I am 21, she just smiled.

Me - Okay but tell her no more kissing okay?

Buzz- Okay.

I told JC...

JC- How old is she?

Me- His age, they've been in the same class since kindergarten. She's a cute little thing, comes from a great family and has had a huge crush on Buzz for a while.

JC- She's cute and has a good family? Maybe you shouldn't discourage him.

Me- *picking chin up off the floor* BOYS!!! HOW OLD DO YOU HAVE TO BE TO HAVE A GIRLFRIEND??

Boys- At least 17 mom!

Me- AND HOW OLD DO YOU HAVE TO BE BEFORE YOU KISS A GIRL??!!

Boys- Not until we come home from our mission mom.

Me- Very good. * glares at husband*

Rub and Dub were fighting over the Toys-R-Us ad today. I told Rub to leave Dub alone, he had the ad first. Rub disappeared. I was walking down the hallway and I saw Rub out of the corner of my eye pouring aftershave on Dub's toothbrush.

I went in to his room to talk to him about it....

Me- Rub why did you poor aftershave on Dub's toothbrush?

Rub- When I aksed (See, he is smart. He is bilingual. He speaks english and ebonics.)him pwease he wouldn't chare wif me. So I aksed him pretty pwease and he still wouldn't chare wif me and then he puched me away. So I put aftershabe on his toofbrush because he was not being nice. When people say pwease you are stupposed to be nice and when they say pretty pwease you are stupposed to chare even if you don't want to.

What am I suppose to say to that?
------------------------------------------------------------------

Dub just climbed up on the counter in the bathroom to get a drink. He didn't close the lid on the toilet first and who ever used it last forgot to flush....He's taking another shower now.
-------------------------------------------------------------------

I had my cardiac ultrasound today. The tech said, "Your motor looks good, but your spark plugs are junk."

Me- What does that mean?

Tech- Your heart and valves are looking good. No changes since your last ultrasound. But your electronics are messed up, causing your heart to misfire. In short your regulator is busted.

I think I just had a car mechanic do an ultrasound on my heart. It was cool to see it on the ultrasound screen though. I could see the heart beat wrong as I was feeling it beat wrong. Good news is there IS something wrong with me. The bad news is there IS something wrong with me. I am glad they have proof and I that I am not just crazy. I am glad they can't just say, "Oh, it's just anxiety try some Xanax." AND I am glad the rest of my heart is still looking okay and not getting worse. The really bad news is...MY ALLERGIES ARE KILLING ME!!!! and I cannot take any allergy/cold meds until I see Dr. Riz on Friday, because they mess with blood pressure and stuff. I can take one brand, but it works about as well as a TicTac, and without the benefit of the fresh breath so I will pass.

JC hurt his knee at work a couple weeks ago. He has been home in a knee immobilizer and on crutches. I love him a lot, but do not know how on earth I survived a whole year of him not having a job. He needs to go back to work so I can accomplish something.

Sprinklers 2; Vootz 0

2010-02-26T08:23:00.000-08:00

The runner up will receive a large scab from elbow to mid-fore arm. A 4X4 inch bandage with complimentary arm waxing (valid at time of bandage removal only) and a beautiful scar memento.....

...and the winner is Vootz, for his rendition of Have a Nice Trip, See You Next Fall. Episode 1.

The grand prize winner will receive a visit to the O.R., two complimentary titanium pins, professional photo shoot, a fine bottle of vintage Tylenol with codeine and a six week stay in quality plaster, a personal scribe, plus pampering and sympathy from the cutest 4th grade girls at P. Elementary....

...and the winner is Vootz, for his rendition of Have a Nice Trip, See You Next Fall. Episode 2.

On Tuesday of last week Vootz was running in the back yard, tripped over a sprinkler head and left a large part of his left fore arm to tan on the brick wall. On Tuesday night this week we were walking ~~except those who were running~~ to the Art Fair at the school, Vootz walked ~~ran~~ up into the flower bed, tripped over a sprinkler and landed on his right hand. He whined a little about how it hurt and how he was sure it was broken, no real cry just a whine. I gave him the "You were told not to run and to stay with us and stay on the SIDE WALK and if you were suppose to walk in the flower beds they would be called FLOWER WALKS not flower beds and it's called a side WALK for a reason, you WALK on it." speech. So when we got to the school where it was light enough to see I checked it out. Sure enough, his middle finger was already twice it's normal size, very crooked and turning purple. So we took 2 1/2 minutes to glance over the kids art work and headed home to splint and ice his finger. I gave him Motrin, a kiss and tucked him in.

JC was giving him grief so I had to remind him that he also broke his hand when he was a kid and not once but twice. He said, "I know, but at least I broke mine doing something stupid that I shouldn't have been doing. He was just walking to school. Couldn't be those huge o' feet he has. Those things are like freakin' ski's!"

I took Vootz to get x-rays Wednesday morning. His pediatrician looked at the films and scheduled him to see the nurse practitioner in the ortho department that afternoon, she looked at the films and scheduled him to see the orthopedist the next afternoon. He looked at the films and scheduled him for surgery Tuesday. He gets to have to titanium pins for three weeks and a cast for six weeks.

I never know whether to explain to my kids in advance what is going to happen so they can be prepared or to just let it happen and deal with it when it's all said and done and they are pissed. I waffled back and forth with it for a few minutes and decided since he is almost ten years old I should inform him what "having lab work done" means. I was wrong. He started leaching onto me and begging not to have to get another needle. (oh, He was behind on a shot when he went in to see his pediatrician, so he had to have an MMR) As we were checking into lab for his pre-op...

Vootz- Mom, can't I just pick a scab and they can take that blood?
Me- Groooosss!! No, they can't.
Lab guy- *laughing* nice try though.
Me- Are you sure you still want a skate board for your birthday? With skate boards come a lot more broken bones.
Vootz- I still want a skate board, I just want all the protective equipment too.
Me- All the protective equipment in the world won't keep you from breaking honey. It helps and protects part of you, but not all of you.
Vootz- Yes, I still want to skate board. At least it's my right hand, so I don't have to do my work.
Me- Oh, you will do your work. You will just have to use your left hand. Or someone will write for you, but YOU are still solving the problems or telling them what to write.
Vootz-Oh.

So Vootz will have surgery on Tuesday. He is nervous, scared, freakin' out, has a ton of questions.

Vootz- I don't think I will be able to go to sleep.
Me- What do you mean, at your surgery?
Vootz- Yes. It takes a long time for me to fall asleep.
Me- It won't, I promise. They give you some medicine and say count back from ten. And you will go ten, niiine, eiiiigg...and you will be out.
Vootz- I don't know. I don't think it will work.
Me- It will trust me.
Vootz- Does it taste bad?
Me- Ummmm...(tell him about the I.V.? Don't tell him about the I.V.?) Nope, doesn't taste bad at all. (So NOT a lie, he won't taste a thing.)

2010-02-21T14:10:00.000-08:00

I Kiwi, do solemnly swear to update my blog this week. Stay tuned.

Ramblings of A Chocolate Donut Deprived PHAT Wife.

2010-02-03T09:49:00.000-08:00

Here's the deal. I started physical therapy for a disc problem in my back. I was going two times a week for four weeks. When my four weeks were over they re-evaluated me and decided I would benefit from another four weeks. So after eight weeks of therapy I was feeling pretty good and had gotten accustomed to my two days a week to spend a couple of hours alone...well not alone but with a group of really fun people who don't require me to wipe their bums or their noses. I was starting to see a nice shape show up underneath all the layers of chocolate donuts too, so I was getting kind of excited about that. After my second round of physical therapy my therapist said he could either order another 4 week session or he would print out a copy of my work out and I could continue on my own at a gym and just come in quarterly for a re-evaluation. I started thinking about it and was a little sad to lose the group of physical therapist and patients I was having so much fun with. But I had to look at it logically and not emotionally. ~~if for no other reason than to prove to JC that I don't always make decisions based on emotion~~ It was costing $80 a month plus gas to go down town, for physical therapy. Fitness 19 was running a special for $9.95 a month and they are only two miles away. So I told Andy, that is my therapist, been fun but gotta run! ~~not literally of course, that is the #1 forbidden exercise for my back~~

So I signed up at the gym. One of my very best friends was already going there and I talked my other best friend into going too. I need support, someone who says, "uh-uh that was so not a 60 second plank! Go again maggot!" Unfortunately my two bff's are not that person. I love 'em, but good gravy I don't think either of them has a mean bone in their body. It's okay though, because I have an image in my head of what I want to look like come June, and I WILL succeed! I will do every single plank, wood chopper and wiggley baby lift without cheating because I am buff like that ~~I am a chicken and very afraid of surgery which is the next course of action if my next re-evaluation does not show marked improvement.~~

I have been...right this down...are you ready? Craving my work outs. I look forward to them so much that even on Saturday, my one and only day of the week I can sleep in, I wake up and go to the gym! JC doesn't even mind having to stay with the kids on Saturday mornings either because Duh! He benefits too. Good workout + "me time" = Happy PHAT (as in Pretty Hot And Tempting) and not FAT wife + increased endorphins (you know, um, those kind of endorphins) = Happy husband. He's smart, he can do the math.

Not only am I craving my work out, I am craving good food. Not like chocolate donuts good, I mean like good for me food, like spinach! I have been trying very hard to stay away from the foods that I know I cannot just eat in moderation, like Lays potato chips. "Betcha can't eat just one!" Doritos, chocolate donuts, Sour Patch Kids, Cinnamon Jelly Hearts/bears, Heidi's, Breyer's Mint Chip, Yorks....And the foods I want that are not necessarily good for me, but I know I can just have a little and walk away and be totally fine, I take a little and walk away. For instance, um...hmm...let's see....ok...Oh face it, I am not one of those kind of people. They say, "Don't deprive yourself completely, just eat a little and walk away. If you deprive yourself you are setting yourself up for a binge." Uh-uh, can't do it. As long as I don't taste it, or smell it, I can push it out of my mind. As soon as take a bite or smell, I will eat and eat and eat until there is nothing left except a sick, bloated, sad, woman in a heap on the floor.

My friend who is suppose to be my "mean" work out buddy has not learned that about me yet. She is "one of those" kind of people. The kind who can be satisfied with a taste. She brought me Stromboli the other night for dinner. Not just the other half of hers which would have been fine paired with a salad. No, she brought me two whole Stromboli + the other half of hers! They were YUMMY!! All melty and warm! I ate until I was literally unable to swallow another bite. One and a half Stromboli later I was sick, but oh so happy, and oh so irritated with myself!

JC was hugging me after dinner the other night and here is our conversation.

Me- MMMM! Um, hunny could you do me a favor?
JC- Sure, what?
Me- Not because I find it offensive in anyway, but more delicious and tempting, could you please go brush your teeth for me. You smell like Doritos and it is really tempting me. It took every ounce of will power for me to put them on your plate without eating them and one more minute of the smell is going to do me in.
JC- Um, okay ~~weirdo~~ Why didn't you just have a few?
Me- It's like crack hunny! Would you tell a crack addict, just have a little? No I don't think so. Brush!
JC- Okay, Okay brushing.

It's a little insane at times, but have you seen the super cute swimsuits out this year? It is going to be oh so worth it!

Player

2010-01-26T13:11:00.001-08:00

Dub calling from the bath tub- Mommm! I need a dry towel.

Me- Dub there's a towel on the towel rack.

Dub- No, I used that one when I got out to get my Batmobile. It's all wet now and it will make my willie cold and then it will pee on its own.

That is when I nearly choked to death on my ~~chocolate donut~~ celery stick.

Rub- When I am old enough to get married like 29 or 20 or something, I won't live with you anymore mom.
Me- That's right Rub, you'll live with your wife.
Rub- Yeah, because when I marry Haley and she starts having babies that will be too much moms and dads and too much babies. I think she won't like that. She's going to have girl babies.
Me- Umm. Who's Haley Rub?
Rub-*grin* You know my wife Haley in the purple row. When I am 17 I am going to kiss her all over her face. Oh, and mom.
Me- What Rub.
Rub- I won't be able to be your Boo anymore, or sniff your face anymore. That will make her very mad.
Me- Rub could you please not, umm...you don't need to be thinking about all this right now. You are still kinda young to be talking about kissing girls and getting married.
Rub- I know mom, but you gotta plan for these kind of stuff...um mom.
Me- What Rub?
Rub- Does it make your feelings sad that I can't be your Boo?
Me- Yes, Rub it does. I am not ready for you to be someone elses Boo just yet. Do you think you could still be just my Boo until you finish a couple years of College?
Rub- We'll see mom, maybe I will just be your Boo until...Hey can we go to Checkers if I still be your Boo?
Me- You bet.
Rub- Okay can I get a Rootbeerd too if I don't kiss Haley's face?
Me- Deal.

He's got my number...and probably Haley's too.

Do You Have An Extra Staight Jacket?

2010-01-22T12:36:00.000-08:00

JC plays online video games. The boys think their dad is pretty much the coolest person in the world. They want to be just like him and spend all their waking moments by his side. They want "fur" like his, muscles like his, to fix fire trucks like him, to drive tractors like him and to have a cool, beautiful young wife like his, okay maybe I made up that last part. Anyway Rub was watching JC fly a jet in one of his games the other night, and the jet that was flying in front of his crashed into a mountain. Here is the conversation that took place...

JC- Ooo Crash! Did you see that Rub?
Rub- Yeah. He sacwaficed himsewf!
JC- Why did he do that Rub?
Rub- Maybe he dumb.
JC-*uncontrollable laughter for the next twenty minutes, and again every time he repeats the conversation*

Rub and Dub were playing a Thomas interactive DVD game yesterday...
Dub- Go slow!
Rub- No! Fast! I want to see what happens.
Dub- Maybe you'll freak out!
I honestly don't know where they get it. The vocabulary I mean, I know where they get the "I want to see what happens" bug, and the "excitement over what might happen if you do something wreckless, ~~like drive too fast down a curvy mountain road with your carsick little sister~~" bug that is all my brothers fault. When Vootz was little he use to hand things to us with a screw driver and say "how it works?" He wanted to, still wants to, take things apart and see the insides and how they worked. What makes it do what it does. My brother was the SAME way, except he'd use a hammer, then it no longer worked.

All my boys at least once a day say, "let's see what happens if.." Scientific geniuses already! That I am sure can be attributed to me, the genius part that is. We all know that I am not only a beautiful, perfect wife but also a brilliant person. I just have to go undercover in this frumpy, never got my BS degree ~~not the same as a degree in BS which I framed and display proudly above my desk.~~ housewife garb to hide from NASA and the photogs for People magazines 100 most beautiful people edition because I want my kids to have a normal life.

Vootz also had the "tow it up" bug. Anything and everything he could tie up was tied up to something. He would hand JC's dad a rope and say "tow it up Buppa" and they would go off and find something to tie that rope to. They "towed it up" the wagon to the bike, the dump truck to the car, the car to the Vootz. Everything got tied to something and Vootz would have a huge smile on his face and say, "Look! We towed it up" That I am sure I can blame on Buppa, if for no other reason than he obliged every time he was asked to "tow it up".

Hold the presses! Dub just gave me the funny quote of the day...
"I wish losing were winning! Then I would win all the time!"
That's my boy, always thinking.

Rain Rain go away...
I need some sunshine in my life today.
Rain Rain go away...
I am going CRAZY, white coats are going to take me away.
Rain Rain it's been 6 days of rain rain rain!
I have puking punks, I am in a funk, I need to get away.
Rain Rain go away.

On the sidewalk I want to lay
Sunshine warm me with your bright yellow ray
Swimsuit clad, cool soda in hand, on the radio my favorite band
Rain Rain go away.

Breaking News!!
I have officially gone nuts. Admitting you have a problem is the first step in recovery right? Do they have a twelve step program for moms of puking, scientific geniuses who have not seen sunshine in days? Last year at this time I was sitting in my swim suit at the pool, sun shining on my face, soaking up some vitamin D. Today I am sitting in my office, pretending there are not four kids destroying my house, pretending that I don't really need to have a diet Pepsi, or chocolate donuts, or cinnamon bears, or pizza, or McDonald's french fries dipped in hot mustard. ~~Pretending really hard on that last one, we are still boycotting McDonalds.~~

I need help. Over and Out.

Department of Much Viciousness

2010-01-13T08:33:00.000-08:00

I went to the DMV Monday. Those words really are all I need to say to describe my day and my mood on Monday. But since you are obviously bored to tears enough to come check out my long neglected blog I will elaborate a little more.

I thought if I went early, the lines might not be so bad. Here is where you are all saying, "If you would make an appointment, the lines are not so bad." I know, I know, but it was a last minute "oh JC is home, he can babysit" kind of decision. So I jumped in the car and headed to the DMV. My first indicator that I should just turn around and go home came when I turned onto "F" street and there was a traffic jam. The second indicator should have come when I realized the traffic jam was due to people waiting for parking places to open up...in the DMV parking lot. I finally made it into the lot, and like the heavens opened up and smiled down on me, a spot opened right in front of me. So what if it was the wrong way on a one way row, it was the end spot, I looked up the row and no one was coming. I could so make it! And I did and I was even parked straight ~~after a few tries~~!

I grabbed my paperwork and headed to the front door, being careful not to get run down by a few really grumpy drivers. Geesh people! Don't you know road rage is the leading cause of parking lot homicide. Did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed? Forget your coffee on the roof of your car? Does your pantie line show? Gotta run in your hose? Hair went flat. (Sorry I couldn't help myself.) The heavens are smiling, you should be too! Ouch, no wonder he is grumpy, he is missing his other four fingers! Well at least he waved, maybe he just looks grumpy. Wow! That's must be some angry rock music she's singing with! I am glad I can't read lips, because I am pretty sure some of the words she is saying would burn my eyes.

I opened the front door and a rush of warm air hit my face, carrying with it a nauseating combination of perfumes, colognes, body odor and flatulence. I waded through the mosh pit of people and made my way to window #2 to receive my number. The lady informs me the monitors are broken so be sure to listen for your number carefully. She hands me B150 as the voice on the speaker says, "Now serving B030" Fabulous, only 120 people ahead of me.

All the chairs were taken. People were stacked 7 and 8 deep, shoulder to shoulder, standing room only. I am sure the room was at least 3x the maximum fire capacity. The room was starting spin a little. I could feel the perspiration beading up on my chest. I wiggled my way through the mosh pit toward the front door. I don't do well in crowded areas, especially hot, smelly ones. I am very claustrophobic and very demo phobic. I burst through the door and out into the fresh air. I filled my lungs with fresh, clean air...ok we know that is a lie. I filled my lungs with good ol' B-town smog. It was a relief to be outside. Then a little ol' man and a small boy walked up to me. The man started jabbering to me. At first I thought I must be having a really serious panic attack, I couldn't understand a single thing he was saying. I knew he was talking to me, but it was not making any sense. Then the boy said, "My grandpa says the speakers out here are broken. You will miss your turn." Oh, ok, fewsh! I did not totally lose it, he was speaking Spanish.

I stood in front of the door. My heart raced, my forehead was damp. I said a quick "forgive me for crowding in the parking lot I am very sorry, it was not a nice thing to do and please get me through this" prayer and stepped through the door. Just as I walked through the door, a man left the chair right beside the door. I quickly planted myself in it. Then I thought, Is this a test? Am I suppose to give this chair up to someone who was here before me? Are you trying to see if I was REALLY sorry for crowding, because when you ask for forgiveness you are not suppose to repeat the action right? Or is this an answer to my "get me through this" prayer? How about if we meet in the middle. If a little ol' lady comes in I will give up my chair, ok? Or a momma with a baby, or someone on crutches, or a ready to pop momma.

After more than two hours, a moderate panic attack, and $800.00 later I left the DMV. But not before I made a comment to the clerk about spending my $800 on fixing the outdoor speakers and the monitors. I also might have mentioned that you cannot hardly tell whether the speaker is calling letter B,C, or G. And how I thought it was horse hockey that the people, specifically the two little old ladies, who could not understand or hear their numbers being called had to get new numbers and start all over again. And that when the monitor is broken they should call the number at least twice. Also that they were certainly beyond maximum capacity and that is a fire hazard. Thank you Margret, I am sure you passed on all my helpful suggestions to your boss, ~~or not.~~

There were not even any key marks on my car, or profanities written in the dust or any kind of gross body fluids on my windows or door handles. I am sure that is because mankind has elevated itself above all that pettiness and has learned to forgive and love thy ~~parking place stealing~~ neighbor and had nothing at all to do with the po-po parked next to me enjoying his breakfast.

I Drown You In The Name of The Father....

2009-12-17T09:16:00.000-08:00

Dub makes me laugh most all day long. When he is not making me laugh he is being so tender and sweet it almost makes me cry. I had a VERY EXPIRED roll of B&W film in my camera bag. I wasn't sure these shots would turn out all that great but we had fun taking them and I was very happy to see they turned out so well.

Funny Dub saying of the week:
We were talking about how Buzz only has seven months left before he gets baptized and Dub says "Mom, zero more until my bathtism."
Me- "baPtsim Dub, and you have 3 1/2 more years."
Dub- "Nooa! It's bathtism. You know when you get in that bathtub at the church and Dad drowns you down."

See, always making me laugh. Love this boy!

Mom, MD

2009-12-10T14:30:00.000-08:00

Monday morning I called the doctor to make appointments for the boys to be seen for their sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, fevers and sore throats. I know you just said, "so you can rest medicine" didn't you? And an appointment for me to see my doctor about my crazy heart. I would not normally take them in for these symptoms but my mommy intuition said this is more than just colds. I was sure Vootz had a sinus infection, Dub had an ear infection and I was fairly positive the other two had pneumonia...again. The appointment nurse took all the names and id numbers for my kids and all their symptoms and said, "For the boys, I have one appointment at 1:00 today, an appointment at 2:00 and 2:45 tomorrow and an appointment at 9:00 on Friday. Who would you like seen first?"

First thought, ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME!! You want me to 1. Expose my family to the germy waiting room three different times, so they have three times the likelihood of coming home with more than we arrived with. and 2. You want me to pick which miserable child gets to feel better soonest. No! No! No!

Second thought, Don't argue with appointment lady it will get you put on hold indefinitely. "Umm, how about scheduling Buzz for 1:00 today and I will just have Dr. S see the others while we are there, because he will, because he is a good man, and I hate pulling the psycho mom who makes the medical assistants day a nightmare routine but so help me I will if I have to! take the others to the urgent care."

"Okay mam, now for you I have a 1:00 today."

"Ummm, that's kinda not gonna work if the Buzz is being seen at 1:00"

"You're not bringing someone with you to help?"

"Nooo."

"Oh, well can you bring someone with you?"

"Nooo."

"Oh, okay. Well how about at 2:00 then?"

"Great."

Dr. S saw all the boys, just like I knew he would. Vootz has a sinus infection. Dub has an ear infection, and the other two have pneumonia. Three hours and $50 in co-pays later I left knowing exactly what I knew when I got there. Except I had to have someone with MD behind his name say that so I could get the $120 worth of prescriptions and a referral.

Go Back To Bed

2009-12-10T13:19:00.000-08:00

Friday 2 am...
Awakened by sniffs and sneezes from the boys room. Bring Vootz tissues, trash can and cold medicine. Go back to bed.

Saturday 1 am...
Awakened by sniffs, whining and sneezes from boys room. Bring Dub tissues and wipe his nose for him because he still has not mastered that concept. He can write his name, Rub's name, mom, dad and Batman but he cannot figure out how to blow his nose. Give him cold medicine. Go back to bed.

Sunday 2am...
Awakened by tossing and turning in my bed. Get JC Tums. Go back to bed.

Monday 3am...
Awakened by snoring in my bed. Elbow JC in the ribs.

Tuesday 2am...
Awakened by a noise that sounds like our back door closing. Elbow JC in the ribs. Send him into the living room to find out who is in our house. Don't worry I sent a weapon with him. Checked my kids to make sure they were all still in their beds, checked the locks on all the windows and doors. Make sure my car is still in the drive way. Must have been the neighbors door. Add one more reason to my list of why I do not like the city. Go back to bed.

Wednesday 4 am...
Awakened by "mommy I'm scared". Tuck Buzz in on the floor by my bed. Go back to bed.

Thursday 3 am...
Awakened by horrible wheezing coming from the boys room. Give Dub a breathing treatment. Go back to bed.

Friday 1 am...
Awakened by Dueling coughs in the boys room. Give Buzz and Rub cough meds and puffs. Go back to bed.

Saturday too tired to care what time it was...
Awakened by "Hunny, you awake?" "I am now"

Sunday 4:30 am...
Awakened by crying in the boys room. Dub has a fever and ear ache. Give him motrin and ear drops. Go back to bed.

Monday 8 am...
Call the doctor. Wish I could go back to bed!

Universal Law #'s 121 and 122

2009-12-08T12:35:00.000-08:00

Scrubbing floors in bathrooms, behind toilets *shivers, gags*, scrubbing walls, showers, counters, sinks. Answer the phone.

Me- Hello.
JC- My truck won't start. You need to come get me.
(my kind, sweet husband, always thinking about what I need)*look at clothes, look at hair, look at sans makeup face*
Me- Where exactly are you?
JC- At the ranch.
(Hmm. pretty safe bet no one will be around.)
Me- Alright, on my way.
JC- Hurry up would ya.
(gotta hot date? *looks in mirror, shutters* not with me.)
Me- Yes darling. Bye.

Get to the ranch, look around, yep pretty saf.....ugh another person. Try to stay concealed while JC gathers his things and gets in. We drive away and NOT toward home. Squirming, anxiety, perspiration, irritation. Pull up to very nice equipment yard. See nice looking man with beautiful wife and daughter. Die a thousand deaths. Try to sink down and go unnoticed. Unsuccessful. Beautiful wife and daughter approach, open door and introduce themselves to us. Very sweet. *pray I had a nice Fairy Godmother wave her magic wand over me while I wasn't looking. Thankful I had at least brushed my teeth and used deodorant that morning.* Drive away *think of ways to torture JC for this*. Miss our street. *fuming, squirming, perspiration, anxiety,* Pull up to gas station. JC fills my tank. *Think about forgiving him sooner or later...maybe*

Rub- Mom, dad has a lot of old hair right there.
Me- What do you mean "old hair" Rub? Why do you think it is old?
Rub- It's all white mom. Like old people.
*okay, had a laugh at his expense, got a tank of gas I might forgive him sooner rather than later.
On the road again, in the wrong direction again. Pull up at the barber shop. *Give thanks, they are closed* Headed the wrong way still. Pull up at the grocery store.

JC- I'll just pull up to the door, you can jump out and get things you need and I will find a parking spot.

Me- Let's just go home and I will go to the store Monday.

JC- We're already out. Just go.

*So NOT forgiving him.

Universal Law # 121
If you wear faded, bleach stained, holey yoga pants, baggie sweatshirt, no make up and have frizzy bed head hair you WILL be seen.

If you do your hair and make up every day and dress nicely, you will see NO ONE ALL DAY LONG, until you spill something down your front, or get spit up on etc.

Universal Law # 122
If you spent three days doing major house work, no one will will ever see it before it gets messed up again.

If your house looks like it could be the local landfill, expect company.

Universal Law # 123
If you have just gone grocery shopping, baked/ cooked up enough food for an army and have clean dishes to serve it up on, no one will ever stop by.

If you only have oatmeal and eggs and pickle relish left and all your dishes are in the dishwasher, expect company.

Dub...enough said.

2009-12-01T12:42:00.000-08:00

Dub- Mom, we need to go to Target. Not to buy the Bat Spider but to buy kitty litter for sis.

Me- No. I don't need kitty litter for sis.

Dub- Yesss! She's hungry!

Me- Sis doesn't eat kitty litter, Dub. She goes to the bathroom in it.

Dub- Well we need to go get some cat food for her.

Me- No I have plenty of cat food at home.

Dub- Oh. Well if poo just comes out of her bum we need to put her on the toilet. Not our toilet. Her toilet, she's too small for our toilet, she'll just fall in down the hole and then we won't be able to give her gentle pets. But can we go to Target anyway? Not for the Bat Spider but for...umm...to just look at it?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Conversations from this summer:

Me- Dub, we're going swimming get your flip flops on.
Dub- I'ne just gonna wear my Indie boots (Uggs)

Me- Dub, we need to go get Rub from school, get your flip flops on.
Dub- I just wanna wear my boots.

Me- Dub, it's 115 degrees outside, please leave your boots home and put your flip flops on we are going to the park.
Dub- That's ok. I will just be fine in my boots.

Recent conversations

Me- Dub lets go. Put your boots on we need to take the boys to school.
Dub- I can't find my flip flops.
Me- Dub it is 40 degrees outside! Put on your boots!
Dub- Ugh! All right!

Me- Dub, get your rain boots on we need to go to the school.
Dub- Ok mom.
Me- Dub those are not your boots. Those are sandals.
Dub- I just wanna wear 'em.
Me- Dub it is cold and rainy! PUT YOUR BOOTS ON!
Dub- I'll just wear my tennis shoes.

In the parking lot at the school ten minutes later...

Me- Watch out for the....ugh...puddle.
Dub- Sorry mom.
Me- Dub, why did you just jump in that puddle with your NEW WHITE SHOES?
Dub- I just did.
Me- Oh, ok. You just did. Hmm that tells me so much. Please do not jump in any more puddles unless you have your rain boots on.
Dub- Ok mom. I shouldn't jump in the mud too huh? That would be yucky.
Me- Very good. No mud.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mrs. MK- Hey batman how are you today?
Dub- Good.
Mrs. MK- Are you looking for the Joker?
Dub- Nope. Riddler Goons!
Mrs. MK- Ok. Well good luck. See Ya Later Bruce Wayne.
Dub- Bye. Mom she talks funny.
Me- She talks funny? You do realize that you are the one using the deep southern accent in California right, and you think SHE talks funny?

Guess What I Found?.......

2009-11-13T12:28:00.000-08:00

...$2.00 in pennies and nickles
John Deere check book cover filled with carbons but no checks.
New check book.
Pack of tissues
Lip gloss
Lip liner
Lipstick
Burt's Bees Peppermint chap stick
Burt's Bees Almond Hand cream
Nail file
4 Bobby pins
1 Clippy
1 Rubber band
1 Headband thingy
Compact
5 Pens from various places (sorry if you are missing your pen)
Eye drops
Purell
2 Wipey thingies for glasses
Half dozen various receipts
Insurance bill
Insurance receipt
Electric bill
Half dozen expired coupons for various things
AND...
1 Star mint once sticky and sucked on and now covered in lint, sand etc
2 lollipops half eaten and wrapped in tissue (I guess Lemon is not the flavor of choice)
Several pieces of ABC gum wrapped in tissue, paper, candy wrappers etc.
Lip Smackers Dr.Pepper chapstick tube, empty, with no lid.
4 Hot Wheels
1 Fireman
2 Soldiers
1 Anikan Skywalker
1 Ewok
6 Broken crayons
3 Colored pencils
2 Markers
3 Drawings of Star Wars
3 Used handiwipes covered in Ketchup smiles and grubby hand prints
1 Hat to the Lego Indiana Jones
1 Bouncy ball
1 Half Eaten bag of french fries I don't remember buying
1 Half Eaten Pop Tart
2 Peanut butter crackers still in the package but crushed
Several smashed goldfish crackers
1 Corn dog stick from I don't know where
1 Cupcake wrapper
1 Unidentifiable object believed to be at some point a baby carrot
1 Dead "snaily" in a plastic coin machine egg thingy.
A used band aid
1 dirty sock
2 Sea Shells
1 Acorn
About a 1/4 cup of sand
Some playground bark
and last but not least a homemade card that says, "Mommy you are the goodest mom ever. Love Buzz" on the outside and I couldn't read the inside because someone spit their used gum in it.

And that is why I no longer carry a purse. Last year for Christmas I found a super cute black and cream Toile purse trimmed in real leather for $10. I bought it with the idea that I would give to my sister in law for Christmas filled with lotsa cute little goodies. On the way home from the store I could not stop thinking about that purse ~~touching, ogling, thinking of all the perfect outfits I had that it would look so cute with...~~ . When I got home I put the purse on my closet shelf and that night I decided it would go perfect with the outfit I was wearing to an event that night. Sorry 'Brina. I kept the purse, I love the purse...except I don't carry it anymore because at our house we have a Gremlin. The "Honest, I don't know how that got there gremlin"...four of them to be exact. So I cleaned out the cutest purse ever and put it back on my shelf. Every now and then I ~~hide~~ clean out my closet and notice the Gremlin is still working, because "Honest I don't know how those chocolate donuts got in there."

Silly Man Says Whaaaat???

2009-11-03T15:05:00.000-08:00

JC had Dubs yesterday while I had some assemblies and a PTC meeting at school. When I got home and asked how his day was his response was...

"Do you know how hard it is to get any work done when you have to entertain this kid?"

Are you serious? You must be joking. You did not really just ask me that question did you? I sent THE most easy going, self entertaining, least mischief making child with you. One child. Just one. Not all four, not three or even two. Just one. HELLOOOO!!!

Oh, Don't Worry, It's Just Money, Your Ability To Own A Home...

2009-10-08T13:26:00.000-07:00

I will be honest, I almost never answer our land line because anyone who wants to talk to me, that I want to talk to has my cell phone number. If they don't have my cell number then chances are they are sales people and I don't want to talk to them. Same goes for JC and his cell phone. The people who know us, know our cell numbers, the people who don't know us we don't generally want to talk to. Anyway to the point of the story. Monday night the land line rang and I was standing right there and wasn't doing anything so I answered it.

Caller: Is Mr. Moncur there?

Me: No. (which technically was not a lie, he wasn't there, he was in his office.) This is his wife, may I take a message for him.

Caller: This is Blah Blah* calling from Wells Fargo Bank. We are showing an outstanding balance of $253.78 on your revolving credit line.

Me: Umm. We don't have a credit line with you. In fact we don't even have an account with you. When was this credit line open?

Caller: It is a revolving line of credit and the account is under JC Moncur.

Me: I understand that, but when was it open, because he hasn't banked with you for almost 12 years. He doesn't have a line of credit with you or any other bank for that matter. So if there is an account there in his name that means someone has stolen his identity.

Caller: It says JC Moncur.

Me: Yes, I get that his name is on it, BUT he did not open an account with you.

Caller: Can you hold? *click, start annoying static/music here*

Me: Hmm... So glad you waited for the answer to that question.

15 minutes later.

Caller: Mam, I am sorry, it seems I was mistaken. Someone has your husbands old account number so when I entered the number in the computer your information came up. I am sorry to have worried you.

Me: So, our account that has been closed for 12 years, is now someone else's, but you have ALL of our current information on file. We have changed phone numbers at least four times since that account closed. Is there some way to remove us from the system so our credit doesn't accidentally get mixed up with his?

Caller: Oh, no your credit won't get mixed up.

Me: Well at the very least so as not to send me into a panic again.

Caller: Oh, this is very rare, I can assure you.

Me: I would like to have our information removed please.

Caller: Can you hold please. *click

Me: Hello? Hello? *dial tone.

I have been on the phone, on hold three times for no less than 20 minutes each time. I will be going to Wells Fargo on Monday to have a discussion with a manager in person, since there doesn't seem to be one living in India!

Sunday Drive

2009-10-01T12:52:00.001-07:00

While driving home from church one Sunday we decided to take a side trip through a little neighborhood to look at a house JC has been ~~drooling over~~ curious about. He tells me, "It looks like it is vacant, the lawn is dead, the weeds have taken over, the windows are under three layers of grime and there are cobwebs galore, but it has a lot of potential. It is a huge corner lot, with a two story playhouse in back and big shade trees." Then we turn the corner and the garage door is open and there are cars parked in it. That blows the vacant theory. The new theories are #1 They are the coolest haunted house on Halloween and they are preparing early for the most realistic look. OR #2 Their neighbors must really be irked at them for driving down the property value by not taking care of their lot.

Then Buzz says, "If we lived here we'd for sure get to ride the bus to school!"

Me- "Buzz, if we lived here you wouldn't go to your school. You would have to go to a new school, with new friends and new teachers."

Buzz- "Nuhuh! NO WAY are we moving HERE! I AM NOT going to a new school!"

Rub- "If we moved to Texas we'd take the bus for sure!"

JC- "Why Texas Rub?"

Rub- "So I can own a handgun silly."

Niiiice!

Later we were having "John Wayne Movie Sunday" and Rub says, "I can't be John Wayne because he's got a lasso and I don't have one."

Me- *mouthed to JC with raised eyebrows*- "A lasso? This boy is somethin' else."

JC- "You're a smart boy Rub."

Rub-"Well more or less."

I'm starting to wonder about this boy. A few weeks ago we had lunch with my mom at her office. Her desk is behind a large glass window that separates her from the lobby. Rub and Dub were in the lobby watching a movie while mom and I visited. When I looked through the window to check on them Rub passed his hand over his face in what I recognized as sign language, but could not remember what it meant.

Me- Hey Rub is that sign language?

Rub- Yes

Me- Mommy doesn't know what that means.

Rub- *flirty grin* "beautiful"

Me and mom in chorus- "awwww"

That's my boy!!

I'll Make The List, You Check It Twice

2009-10-01T11:07:00.000-07:00

It's been rumored that I died, or at least that my blog died. Not true, we are alive and kickin'! Well kinda. My computer kicked the bucket, my vacuum died, and I haven't had time during the day to blog because I have been picking up every little piece of sand, popcorn and lint from my carpet by hand ~~been just plain busy~~ and at night I don't have access to JC's computer because he's home from work and thinks he should get to use his computer, imagine that. I was hoping to be able to get a laptop for Christmas but I had to buy a new vacuum instead. JC said something about "Cleanliness is next to...blah, blah, yackity smakity...." anyway no new laptop for me. You can mourn for me now, even though I am still alive, I feel as though I have died. My dreams of blogging from bed and of having my online recipe book open on the counter in the kitchen while I cook have been crushed! Smashed into little bits, that I will have to vacuum up with my new vacuum. *sniff, sniff* Santa if you are reading this, I still believe in you. I have been wonderfully good and sweet this year ~~most of the time, except when I wasn't.~~ I would like a new laptop for Christmas. That's all, just a laptop. Oh and some new perfume, it's called Inspiration. That's it. Just a laptop, and new perfume, and a new LBD, because ~~I ate too many chocolate donuts to wear my old black dress~~ my old back dress shrunk two sizes. That's all. Just three things. A laptop, inspiration and a new dress with some new heels and pearls...maybe I should just mail you my list. You're still at the North Pole right? Thanks Santa, I'll be waiting.

Driving While Texting Could Be Sexting

2009-09-09T12:03:00.000-07:00

The reasons one should not drive and hold two different texting conversations at the same time...hypothetically speaking of course.

To make for easier reading we will call the parties involved Kiwi, Mel and Carver, purely hypothetical mind you.

Conversation #1 takes place between Kiwi and Mel. Conversation #2 takes place between Kiwi and Carver. Both conversations take place simultaneously while Kiwi is stopped at various red lights in town while trying to make a dent in the never ending to do list with a 4 and 5 year old in tow.

Conversation #1

Mel: I am putting together the packets tonight.
Kiwi: Do you want help?

Conversation #2

Kiwi: Are you listening to Groove 99.3?
Carver: Yes, why?

Conversation #1

Mel: Yeah, I know it's my job, but yes.
Kiwi: No problem. I can help.

Conversation #2

Kiwi: Who sings that song?
Carver: What song?

Conversation # 1

Mel: What time do you want to put them together?
Kiwi: I wanna sex you up...
*wait, uh oh, Noooo, Noooo Nooo!*
Here is where "hypothetically" of course Kiwi's face would turn bright red and she would feel like her face was a blazing inferno. She would frantically try to dial Mel's phone to tell her not to read that text. In her frantic, dying of embarrassment state it would take three attempts to finally dial correctly.

Mel: HUH?
Kiwi was obviously too late.

Phone conversation:

Mel: Please tell me that was sent to the wrong person. Please tell me it was meant for your husband.

Kiwi: It so was suppose to go to Carver, but it really was very innocent. Honestly, I was not sexting him. I just want to know who sings that song. I know out of context it looks really bad, but it really was very innocent I promise. I am so dying of embarrassment right now! I hate this new phone, who's crazy idea is it to be able to text more than one person at a time.

And that folks is why we don't text anything that can be taken out of context, we don't hold more than one texting conversation at a time, and we don't drive while texting.

Hook Ya

2009-09-03T15:03:00.000-07:00

Really, really embarrassing story involving me coming soon. Stay tuned. Now I am off to write the speech I am suppose to give in three hours.

Week One

2009-08-30T17:13:00.000-07:00

Okay so it's not Tuesday, it's Sunday and I don't know yet if I will survive but so far I am still looking down at the ground and not up at the ground so I guess I am on the right path.

The first week of school is over and my boy is ready for Christmas vacation. Vootz has told me every morning except Monday that he was too tired, or sick and he was not going to go school no matter what. He has had MAJOR temper tantrums about having to do homework, already. He also has already left one homework assignment at school. We have already started the bribes. Papa and I bribed him with a sleepover at the mountain house with Papa IF he made honor roll. Vootz tried to up that bribe to a camp out with Papa if he made perfect attendance too. I told him he'd have to talk to Papa about that one. He's going to call tonight. This is going to be a very long year.

Buzz has a cold already. He should have probably stayed home on Tuesday because he felt like he might have a fever but he insisted that he not miss any school because he has to have perfect attendance. You go son! Yes, I said he "felt" like he had a fever, I don't actually have a thermometer but after working for the doctor for so long and having four boys I have become a pretty good judge of temperature, usually I am within a degree.

Rub is loving kindergarten. Here is our conversation when I picked him up on Wednesday...
Me- How was school today?
Rub- Great!
Me- Well what did you do?
Rub- Played Pirates.
Me- What did you learn?
Rub- Nuffing you need to know about. Can we go visit Mrs. Hutchins at my green school (summer school teacher)because my heart misses her.
Me- Why don't I need to know about what you learned today?
Rub- Huuu! I learned 5 years old stuff. You know, for 5 years olds. Not for mommies.
Me- Oh. Maybe we can go see Mrs. Hutchins next week would that be okay?
Rub- I suppose.

Dub has been a trooper. I have done nothing but drag that poor kid around all day every day. He has not had a chance to even enjoy a house to himself since the kids went back to school. He's been to the dentist, the banks, the stores, and has become almost a permanent fixture in the PTC room at the school. Yesterday he said to me, "because I was good at the dententst can I get a big Lightening McQueen set, like this big" *spreads his hands out* "Because I want it this much!" * spreads out his arms as far as they will go and stands on his tip toes. He has ALL of the office staff at school wrapped around his little finger, most especially the principal. He still insists he is either Indiana Jones or Batman and he will introduce himself as such.

JC is wonderful! A lesser man would have divorced me by now. I have not made a homemade meal all week, I have not packed his lunch and I have left him to deal with kids a lot! I am sure he wonders occasionally if I still live here. One night I never even made it to the bed. Bet that was the best nights sleep he's had since we've been married. The poor guy broke his tooth week before last and has to have a root canal done. He broke the other half of that same tooth this morning. He is in pain and his wife is MIA leaving the kids with him so much it might be considered cruel and unusual punishment.

Times up gotta make dinner, the first one I've made all week.
Pictures coming soon!

I Just Might Make It

2009-08-20T16:40:00.001-07:00

I'm still alive, kinda, sorta, not so much. If I survive the PTC back to school chaos these next few days I will update this little blog hopefully on Tuesday. Stay tuned!

Double Uana Jones

2009-07-28T11:13:00.000-07:00

Dub has a black felt cowboy hat. He wears his hat ALL the time. He puts it on when he wakes up in the morning, before he even gets out of his bed. He also has a cloth belt he calls a "whoop". He carries it WHERE EVER he goes. These two items accompany him to breakfast where the first disagreement of the day begins. It goes something like this...

Me- Dub, do you want some cereal?
Dub- No. Just an otter pop.
Me- No. Do you want some toast?
Dub- No. Just some snacky snacks.
Me- No. Do you want some oatmeal?
Dub- No. I just want some nemanims.
Me- No. You may not have an otter pop. You may not have fruit snacks. You may not have M&M's. Pick something good for you.
Dub- How 'bout...hmmm. *tapping his finger against his bottom lip* I know! Whatta 'bout Cheetos!
Me- No! Go sit down and I will get you some toast.
Dub- I don't want toast. How 'bout some junk food?
Me- How 'bout not.
Dub- but...
Me- No! Toast or cereal?
Dub- How 'bout 'nolla.
Me- Fine granola. Take off your hat and sit down.
Dub- Nooooo. I'ne Innianna Jones!
Me- No. Not at the table you are not. Take off the hat. Put down the whip. Eat your breakfast.
*drops the whip*
Me- The hat too Dub.
Dub- I'ne not Dub! I'ne Innianna Jones!
Me- That's one, That's two,
Dub- All right, All right. I'll be Dub.

As soon as he climbs down from his chair he declares, "When my hat and whip are down, I am Dub. But when I grab them up like this and put my hat on, I am INNIANNA JONES! Duh duh duh duhhhh duh duh duh...."

He wears his black felt hat to play outside. It has been 115 degrees. He wears his hat to the swimming pool. He wears his hat to run errands, which starts another disagreement.

Me- Dub, why don't you leave your hat and whip in the car?
Dub- 'Cause I'ne INNIANNA JONES! Duh Duh...
Me- Okay, okay. But you must take off your hat when we are inside and carry it in your hand.
Dub- Ok.
*get to the door of the bank.*
Me- Dub take off your hat please.
Dub- No thank you.
Me- *in a whisper* WARREN DOUGLAS MONCUR! TAKE OFF YOUR HAT NOW!
Dub- Okay. I'll be Dub again.

He tries to wear it to the bath. He tries to wear it to church. He DOES wear it to bed. He not only wears his hat and carries his whip every where we go but he sings the Indiana Jones theme music ALL THE TIME!

Today he is wearing batman pajama top complete with a cape, shorts he threw a tantrum about having to wear because he insists that they are ripped because they have slits where the tie comes out at the waist(This is why he is still wearing a pj top...I was too tired to argue over shirts after twenty minutes of discussing why his pants are just fine.), Lightening McQueen rain boots, blue and green swim goggles, his hat and his whip.

Now tomorrow his personality will change. He will HAVE to match! He will want to wear his navy blue Chaps shorts with his brown Chaps polo shirt that has the navy blue Chaps design and his brown flip flops, not his black ones, because his brown ones match his shirt, that match his pants...you get the idea. BUT along with this very preppy outfit he will be wearing his black felt cowboy hat and carrying his "whoop".

The Name Game

2009-07-09T13:45:00.000-07:00

When I picked Rub up from summer school one day last week...

Dub- Hey Rub did you learn the letter R today?

Mrs. Hutchins- Wow! You are smart. You must be Jake's brother. You know when we talked about he letter R today, Jake said you had two R's in your name. Is your name Robert?

Dub- No. I'ne not Robert, I'ne Dub! I got two R's too. W-A-R-R-E-N!

Mrs. Hutchins to me- Yes, we've had some confusion about that today.

She told me this conversation...

Mrs. Hutchins- Jake how many brothers and sisters do you have?

Rub- 3

Mrs. Hutchins- What are their names?

Rub- Robert, Buzz, and Double U's.

Mrs Hutchins- Double U's?

Rub- Yep.

Mrs. Hutchins- Is that short for something?

Rub- No, just Double U's.

Mrs.Hutchins- You just walk up to him and say "Hey Double U's"?

Rub- Yes *getting impatient*

Mrs. Hutchins- Really? Just Double U's, you don't call him anything else?

Rub- Yeah, we call him Dub.

Mrs. Hutchins- *probably thinking we are lunatics* What else do you call him?

Rub- Dubby

Mrs. Hutchins- So you call him Double U's, Dubby or Dub?

Rub- Uh-huh.

Mrs. Hutchins- Is that his real name?

Rub- YESSSS!

Mrs. Hutchins- Is there any other name you call him?

Rub- Well, when he's in trouble mom calls him, WARREN DOUGLAS MONCUR!

Mrs. Hutchins- Oh, so Double U's is his Nick name.

Rub- Sure, can I go play now?

Me- Yeah, sorry. It does get pretty confusing sometimes for people who don't know. Oh, and just to avoid any more confusion, Buzz is not a real name either, it's Michael.

Mrs. Hutchins- Oh, that's good to know ~~you psycho crazy lady~~.

Me- Yeah, okay see you tomorrow. Bye.

Ugh.

When Buzz was in summer school before kindergarten he switched back and forth between Buzz and Michael on all his school work, which confused the teacher for the first week. Then when kindergarten started in the fall she sat down with him and made him choose which one he was going to use and that is the only name he was allowed to put on his work. He chose Michael, but still came home with quite a few papers with Buzz written across the top.

I always said I would only use the boys nick names on the blog, but it is getting confusing for some so I will give you a name key. This one time only, pay attention, write it down. Are you ready?

Vootz = Robert (9) Sometimes Avootzky, Rovoot, Avootz...but mostly just Robert. Came about because when Buzz was little he could not say Robert and it sounded like Avoot. Use to be Bummper Dude, shortened to be Bumper but that name was retired with the death of my FIL who gave it to him (That story is too long for today). His name was Buppa Dude which came from Robert trying to say Bumper Dude back to my FIL.

Buzz = Michael (7)Sometimes Buzzy, or Buzzer. Given to him by his dad because when he was born he had NO hair and then when he finally got hair it was pure white and wispy thin. Looked like he had a buzz cut. Also has been called Bulimic Buzz because he has horrible reflux and when he was a baby he projectile vomited anything that went down, with in ten minutes it was across the room. After getting medicine for that he went back to just being Buzz.

Rub = Jacob (5)Sometimes Rubby, Jaker the Breaker or Boo. Rub because Buzz could not say Jacob, he said Pupub which worked it's way to Rubbub to Rub. Jaker the Breaker because he is a little destroyer. Boo is my name for him, shortened from Snugly Bugly Boo because he is the snugliest little kid you will ever find. (Yes, I realize he will hate me for his when he is a teenager.) I am sorry Boo, but I hope you are just as snugly sweet when you are all grown up.

Dub = Warren (4) sometimes, Double U, Double U's, Dubbers, Dubby or WD. Jc started calling him WD and it got shortened to various forms of the name from there.

Got it? Good. Don't tell anyone. And if anyone asks, you didn't hear it from me.

Flip That Switch

2009-07-08T13:39:00.001-07:00

Dub- Oh No! Mom look at my paaannnts. *worried*

Me- That's ok dub they're suppose to be like that.

Dub- Nooooo. I don't like them like that. They are broken, they are suppose to be like this. *pulls them together at the slit.*

Me- Nope, sorry they are suppose to have a little slit in them.

Dub- Mom. You are wrong. All Wrong! And these stupid shorts are broken. I don't want them anymore. Throw them away. *angry*

Me- Dub, don't say stupid that is not nice. I am not wrong and you are not throwing away your shorts. Go play.

Dub- Okay. Can I have an Otter Pop? I only had two and I need to have five. *sweet*

Me- Sure, but just one more.

Dub- YES!! *Excited*

I am slightly concerned about this childs ability to flip flop. I bet he turns out to be a politician.

Spider Woman, Spider Woman, Does Whatever A Spider Can...

2009-07-08T08:44:00.000-07:00

Yesterday went like this...

5 AM get up make breakfast and lunch for JC

Send JC off to work

Go Back to bed to think of ways to avoid the "TO DO LIST"

Have a Dr. Pepper (fully loaded)while checking FB.

Clean Kitchen after the boys made their own breakfast.

Destroy kitchen making apricot jam, apple butter, bread and cookies.

Send Dub to his room for "junk food" tantrum

Sneak a few bites of Breyers Mint Chip

Clean kitchen

Break up a fight between Buzz and Vootz

Sneak more ice cream

Destroy kitchen making lunch

Send Dub to room for "junk food" tantrum.

Clean up kitchen

Break up fight between Rub and Buzz

More ice cream

Tackle the 4 foot tall weed jungle in the back yard, we needed to find the dog.

Get pelted with gravel while using weed eater.

Get flicked with dog poo while using the weed eater

Have gnats fly up my nose

Find a patch of goat heads with my finger tips

Find a patch of goat heads with entire hand

Find Toad with hand

QUIT! Never to return to back yard again until toads hibernate.

Send Buzz to room for tantrum.

Take off irrigation boots to find very hurting, purplish-black toe. Radioactive Spider perhaps?

Shower off dog poo, mud, blood and weeds from hair and body.

Bandage fingers

Blow gnats from nose

Wonder when the red super hero costume appears? Need to watch that movie again to find out when I get my powers and if they can make dinner appear and the house clean.

More ice cream

Clean bathrooms

Send Dub to room for "junk food" tantrum.

Debate between more ice cream or more soda...Take an extra heart pill and drink three cans of soda.

Decide I really wanted the ice cream and eat some of that too.

Tackle Mt. Laundry

Break up fight between Rub and Vootz

Vacuum

Pop Popcorn for the boys

Send boys to rooms for popcorn fight

Get teased from JC because I packed him a fork instead of a spoon with his breakfast

Think of ways to torture him that don't leave any evidence...beat him with a phone book? Where are my super powers?

Eat 1/2 a watermelon

Destroy kitchen making dinner

Burn knuckles on the oven rack and "cuss without cussing" ( Freakin', friggin', heck, Cheese and Rice, Git darnit....)

Send Dub to room for "junk food" tantrum

Thinking the spider was not radioactive because I am hurting too much to be a super hero and my house is messier now than when I woke up this morning.

Vacuum up popcorn

Clean kitchen

Send Dub to room for "junk food" tantrum. Really, I don't know where he gets it. *innocent grin*

Bathe kids

Clean bathroom

Get tired of the fighting and tantrums and put kids to bed

Finish off the last of the Breyers Mint Chip ice cream

Go to bed

Remember I need to take boys pee.

Find a wet one, strip off his jammies, take him pee, strip sheets and blankets. Re-jammie and make up bed on floor because he has no more clean bedding because I never quite finished Mt. Laundry from last nights wet bed.

Find wet child #2. Strip off jammies, take him pee, rejammie, go to move a toy and boy gets back into wet bed. Get boy out of wet bed, strip off jammies again, strip off wet sheets, re-jammie, put on clean sheets. Put boy back to bed.

Look at Mt. Laundry, cry.

Go back to bed

Toss and turn

Listen to JC snore

Think about smothering him with a pillow, settle for "accidently" bumping my elbow into his ribs.

Toss and turn

Get mad

Wish I had more ice cream

Toss and Turn

Throw the alarm (cell phone) at the wall

"What the freakin' heck! Already!"

Find cell phone and pray it still works.

Start all over again!

This Little Piggie...

2009-06-23T08:59:00.000-07:00

Saturday night at our house is fingernail and toenail cutting night. It requires a lot of patients, strength and determination on my part. ~~an extra large diet Pepsi~~ Rub and Buzz DO NOT enjoy these nights and when they see the fingernail clippers come out they immediately start whining, "Not the piggie ones!" and then they decide they need to go poop, or blow their nose, or eat Brussels sprouts...

Last Saturday when it was Rubs turn I set him up on my lap and started trimming his fingernails. This part went smoothly so I was thinking maybe he has outgrown his disdain for having his toenails trimmed. Just as that thought crossed my mind he says, "Not the piggie ones today mom."

Me-"How come Rub?"

Rub-"They are absent. They are sick and unable to come to your party tonight."

Me-"Hmmm. Is that right? Well maybe I better look at them to make sure they are ok."

Rub-"Okay mom. But can I hold those cutters for ya?"

Me-"No."

Rub-"Then I think I should just take my piggies to bed, they are tired."

Me-"Sure Rub right after I trim your toenails."

And then began the weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth.

Wanna Make A Bet?

2009-06-15T22:15:00.000-07:00

I bet you cannot read this post and not laugh out loud. I do not have time to be original tonight so here is an email from my mom. Enjoy...

BANNED FROM WAL-MART...

This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to
Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and
preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, my wife is like
most women - she loved to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local

Wal-Mart:

Dear Mrs. Gilbert,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion
in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to
ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Gilbert are
listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's
carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute
intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
women's restroom.

4 July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice,
'Code 3 in Housewares... Get on it right away.'

5.. August 4:
Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7.. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other
shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets
from the bedding department.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying
and screamed, 'W why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a
mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked
the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming
the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look'
by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through
yelled, 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
assumed a fetal position and screamed, 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
And last, but not least...

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile,
then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'

Sincerely,

Wal-Mart

Haha! You snorted admit it!

Eggs Over Easy

2009-06-12T21:32:00.000-07:00

Here are a few things I miss about the rural mountain community I grew up in...

-Snow in the winter
-Wild flowers in the spring
-Mild summers
-Leaves changing in the fall
-Sleeping with the windows open, listening to frogs and crickets sing their late night lullabies.
-Never having to "lock up". Our doors were always unlocked.
-Seeing all the stars
-Knowing not only all my neighbors, but everyone in the entire community (pop. 135)
-The smell of wood burning in the fireplace (1. it is allowed up there and ban on most days down here. 2. It actually gets cold enough up there to need a fire and it rarely gets that cold down here.)
-Looking out my window to a beautiful mountain view vs. looking out my window and into my neighbors window.
-Privacy without a privacy fence.

Things I will NEVER miss about the mountains...

-Long curvy roads to the nearest big city. (read: Getting car sick)
-Mosquitoes
-And snakes! See exhibit A and B. This harmless little California King Snake is using the door frame of my childhood home to lounge on while he eats the birds eggs that were in the nest on the porch light. The same front porch light my parents use to flash when I lingered too long outside with a boyfriend, but that is another post entirely. My dad and little brother arrived to the house for the weekend in time to witness this event.

Dad relocated him to the wood pile to quote, "make sure there weren't any rattlesnakes in there... And don't tell Kiwi (yes that would be me) or the boys!" Those were the words he spoke to his lovely wife. I don't know which part of that should concern me most. The fact that he mentioned rattlesnakes in the wood pile, or the part where he says, "Don't tell Kiwi".

He knows I am paranoid about snakes and I am always telling the boys to "WATCH for SNAKES!" every time we go up there. Buzz is ~~a coward~~ timid like me when it comes to snakes so he has opted out of several trips to the mountain house with Papa. I think Papa knows that if Buzz found out there was a snake on the front door there would be NO getting Buzz back to the mountains at all! Smart Papa.

Papa has said since I was a little girl that there were no snakes in the front yard. I learned when I was a little girl that Papa sometimes LIES! I learned this the first time while walking barefoot in the grass in the front yard. A racer snake slithered right across my foot. Of course I ~~screamed like the little sissy I am, yelled for my dad, shivered, gagged and ran inside to the safety of my room~~ handled myself gracefully amidst the gut busting laughs of my father. Now that snake was only about 5" long and smaller around than a piece of licorice, but it was still a snake and it WAS in the FRONT YARD ~~albeit on the very, very edge of the front yard/field...okay it was slightly more in the field and I should have had shoes on, but it was close enough.~~! I cannot imagine what would have happened if I had come home to Mr. King Snake. *shivers, gags* Now for the second time I have proof that there are snakes in the FRONT YARD, and now the wood pile too for that matter.

*Just so you are not thinking my dad was totally irresponsible, he ALWAYS made sure we were aware of snakes, more specifically RATTLESNAKES, and that they could be anywhere (even the unlikely front yard). He always told us to wear proper shoes outside the front yard and watch where we were stepping in and out of the yard. We had a front yard full of dogs, and people and no where for snakes to hide, so the chances of a snake in the grass in the front yard were about as good as the chances of a snake in the Walmart parking lot. As for the King Snake, the house is not a hub bub of activity 24/7 like it was then. It is just a weekend home now, no dogs, no kids, just a quiet little nest serving up eggs over easy for breakfast.

In Some Places They're A Delicacy

2009-06-08T20:56:00.000-07:00

I think I just assured that my kids will need serious therapy when they grow up instead of the minor therapy we first thought over here. I was outside ~~gabbing~~ trading eggs for cold cereal with my bff and the kids kept opening the door...

Dub- We watched Mater and the Ghost Light.

Me- Close the door Dub

Buzz- Can we have ice cream now?

Me- In a minute. Close the door.

Dub- Ky can't watch it because she will be too 'carey.

Me- Go inside Dub.

Rub- *Peaking out.*

Me- Close the door. The flies are going to get in and fly up your nose when you are sleeping and eat your brains.

*Door Slams*

Twenty dollars says I have at to deal with at least one bad dream about flies tonight.

Speaking of dreams, my kids tend to have very vivid dreams. I know this because they also talk in their sleep. Last night went like this...

1:00 am
Vootz- Mom! There's someone under there!

Me- Hmmm! What are you...

Vootz- I knew it! It's Cobra! GO JOE! Fightin' for Freedom where ever there's trouble...*mumble mumble snore*

Me- Mental note, No more GI JOE before bed.

2:23am
Buzz- No! Get General Grievous first!

Me- Second mental note, No more StarWars before bed.

3:06am
Dub- Robberrrt! I said not that one!

Me- Third mental note, Take a Unisom before bed so you can sleep thru all their silly chatter!

How To Eat Fried Worms...

2009-06-06T20:33:00.001-07:00

My oh my! So much has gone on that I have not posted about, I don't know where to begin. Lets see...

I registered Rub for Kindergarten in April. In our school there is morning kindergarten 8-11:45 and afternoon kindergarten 11:20-3. Morning kindergarten is first come first serve and is in high demand. The demand is so high that ~~idiots~~ people camp out in line to get their kid in a morning class. I am not saying I am one of "those" kind of people ~~and I am not saying that I am not~~. Let's just say that if someone wanted their child to have morning kindergarten say four years ago that someone would have had to stand in line at 4:30am. Even if that person was pregnant and had a broken foot. That person also would have missed the morning classes by two people if they had not opened up a third morning class at the last minute. Now lets say that a person wanted morning kindergarten two years ago. That person would have had to stand in line at 11:30pm in rainy, windy, 36 degree temperatures with out enough blankets to keep warm and dry and would have gone home with a severe sore throat and ear ache but with a morning slot secured. Now if a person wanted morning kindergarten for the 2009-2010 school year, that ~~idiot~~ person would have to stand in line at 7pm the night before the 8am registration to be sure to secure a morning slot. Now I am not saying that I did this kind of crazy thing, but I will say, the early bird gets the worm suckas!

And the worm I did get. I happened to walk through the cafeteria doors at 8am sharp to be greeted by our wonderful principal who I think the world of and could never ever tell NO for anything she ever asked of me. I mean anything. Think of the worst thing a principal could ask of a mother of four boys. Think hard. Got it? Could you tell your kids principal No if she asked you? I couldn't. I couldn't do it if my life depended on it. I especially could not do it while sleep deprived. ~~Not that I was up all night, standing in line or anything~~. So I got the worm and I got to eat it too. I am now very nervous, very confused, very shy, too shy to be room mom but obviously not too shy to be PTC president. You read that correctly. I am the PTC president. She asked. My head said, "Noooo!" and my mouth said, "Sure. Why not?" I have a wonderful board. My VP is a great friend and is incredible in every aspect. I have total faith in her. She, bless her, is in charge of fundraisers. My secretary is my best friend I have known my entire life. Literally. Her dad and my dad were best friends growing up and still today, so we were best friends too. I love her like a sister and she is going to be great at this. I just met my treasurer, she is an accountant so her job in the PTC should be pretty second nature. It should be an interesting year. I do get a chaser for that worm however. Next year when it comes time to register Dub for kindergarten, I get first choice with out having to stand in line ~~not that I would do that kind of crazy thing.~~ because I will be busy doing my PTC duty and bringing fresh donuts and coffee to all the ~~morons~~ people who will be standing in line to register their kids. Then I will kindly take advantage of their sleep deprivation by having them sign their names on a PTC ~~committee list~~ sign in sheet. Muahahaha!

We Have A House Guest And He Doesn't Know When To Leave!

2009-05-21T14:26:00.001-07:00

Hello. Long time no blog. This is still my blog. I still plan on updating it soon, but not until Mr. Influenza decides to visit some other family. So until then please don't forget about me over here at "Don't Pee on my Floor!" Which I am considering changing to "Don't Blow Chunks on my Floor!" I will be back, hopefully sooner rather than later.

"Was That A Hooker?...Oh, Nope Just A Seventh Grader."

2009-05-08T18:14:00.000-07:00

While we are on the clothing topic, what the heck is up with fashion today. More specifically tween/teen fashion? I lived thru the 80's, trust me you do NOT want to repeat that fashion disaster and yet every where I look I see these kids dressed like they just stepped out of *insert really bad eighties movie title here*. The tucked and rolled jeans...ACK! But there are even far worse offenses than repeating the 80's nightmare. Here are a few things I have noticed as I watch the kids from the grade school and junior high play in our neighborhood. I won't even start on the high school kids...yet.

Let us start with the boys. You'll find two extremes in boys fashion. You find on one end of the extreme pants so baggy the boys walk with their legs three feet apart to keep them from falling down around their knees and on the other end of the extreme are the "skinny jeans" that look like they were borrowed from their 9 year old sister. Too tight to even pull all the way up over their bums. Either way we are going to see way more than we ought to. I don't need to see your boxers! Thank you for in fact wearing them and hopefully making sure that they were clean, but still the same I'd rather not know what style of undergarment you wear. Besides that it can't be all that fun constantly having to tug on your britches to keep them from tripping you as they fall down around your knees. I don't know who told you that wearing the tops of your britches under your bum made you look sexy, but who ever it was LIED!

Now girls. Haaaaah! Where should we start? Unless you are actually old enough to use the stripper pole at Deja Vu you shouldn't dress like a stripper! There is nothing at all wrong with wearing shorts that actually have a measurable inseam. I don't see how you can wear your shorts so short and not show your underwear, if in fact you are wearing any underwear at all. If not, I am certain there are laws about exposing what you are exposing in public! Second, Tube tops are just plain tacky on anyone. Third, if you can't get them zipped ALL the way up they are too small! The stuffed sausage look really isn't all that attractive. I know, I know, "I really am a size 4...on the inside". Yeah, aren't we all! Unfortunately it's the size 10 you that has to fit in those jeans sista! Fourth, I don't know who's idea it was to advertise on your bum but it was a bad one. Why would anyone want the word "JUICY" written across their bum? What exactly are you trying to say? Fifth, Hooray for you! You bought your first pair of thong underwear. I know you are so proud of yourself, but I'd like to not have to explain to my boys about "fancy" underwear just yet so could you please keep them tucked into your jeans. Sixth, Again undergarments serve a certain purpose and that purpose is not for show and tell so please if you wear colored/patterned underwear and bras make sure you can't see them thru your outer clothing. I know you love your new zebra striped chones but love them privately ok? Also could you leave hooker make up and the body glitter for the hookers.

I could go on and on about the fashion of our misguided youth but I only have so many hours in my day and I still have a pile of laundry to do so I don't end up committing a fashion blunder myself. I think I could probably squeeze into Vootz' jeans or belt on a pair of JC's jeans but I'd rather not look like an idiot.

Important Topic Ahead...

2009-04-19T16:08:00.000-07:00

I have been searching for the perfect pair of jeans almost all my life. Way back in my college days, I had a pair of Levis that I LOVED! They fit me perfect. The length was just right, not too long and not too short. I could wear them with flats and not have them drag or I could wear them with a little heel and not have them be too short. The rise was perfect too. No "mom jean my bum looks twice as long as it really is because the pockets of my pants go half way up my back." and no "so low I can't wear those without getting a bikini wax first". I could also say no muffin top, but back then I didn't have a muffin top to worry about, that's just how it is when you live on oatmeal and ramen noodles, ahh the college life. They weren't so tight that I had to lay down and use pliers to zip them ~~not that I know how to do that or anything, like I've ever worn my pants that tight...really~~ They were broke in just right and they fit me the same at the end of the day as they did when I put them on in the morning. I have never been able to find a pair of jeans that were quite as good as those Levis, and trust me I have tried.

When you go shopping for jeans you have so many styles to choose from. You have to consider the rise, the leg width, the color, the material, are they for super casual wear or dressy casual wear, do you want to spend extra money for someone to have already half destroyed them for you....the list goes on and on.

What frustrates me to no end is this. I can try on a pair of jeans in the dressing room and do the check list...
1. Bum looks good?...check
2. Long enough?...check (at 5'11" this one is not the easiest to find)
3. Not too tight?...check
4. Not too loose?...check
5. Can sit, bend, squat comfortably?...check
6. Don't need to win the lotto to be able to afford them?...check
and then when I get them home and wash them they are either...

1. Too tight
2. Too short
3. Too tight just in the waist band
4. Have SBS, otherwise known as SAGGING BUTT SYNDROME (generally caused by the use of 1% Spandex). This SBS at first is exciting, you pull the jeans straight from the dryer, give a little shake and send up a prayer that they didn't shrink. You step in one leg at a time, holding your breath. You pull them up and start to rejoice thinking you've invented a new miracle weight loss diet consisting of Diet Pepsi and Chocolate donuts because not only did those jeans just slide right up over your hips, they are buttoning with ease and feel a tad looser than they did at the store. This euphoria is short lived though because after about an hour you start to notice you are constantly tugging your jeans back up where they are suppose to be, you notice it looks like you have a load of anything but nice rear end in your pants, after about three hours you find yourself interrupting your errands to hunt down a belt at the nearest Target and after that we all know your errands aren't going to get finished because, well you're at Target! When you get home and take off your belt, with out even unbuttoning them your pants fall down around your ankles on your way to your room. You kick them into the corner of "clothes I should never wear again, but will eventually because at some point before I decide to wash the mountain of laundry in the other corner of the room I will need something to wear."

If I buy the pants a little loose hoping they will shrink, they won't. If I buy them fitting perfect hoping they won't shrink, they will or worse, they will get SBS. If I buy them a little snug thinking they will get SBS, they won't. Anyway I strike it, they all end up in the same stack of wasted money on my closet floor.

Buzz

2009-04-10T20:07:00.001-07:00

Buzz's neck before his surgery

He'll despise me for this one day, but oh well...This is Buzz feeding himself chocolate pudding while coming out of anesthesia. He is usually a VERY clean eater and has always been a clean eater. JC use to ~~make fun of him~~ mimic him, poking every little crumb into his mouth with the tip of his finger.

Young Jedi Buzz. This picture pretty much sums Buzz up. It's ALL about STAR WARS!...

and VIDEO GAMES.

Dubby

2009-04-10T19:52:00.000-07:00

Dub and his fluvie (security blanket)

Dub and Papa at this family event.

Dino Dub

Cross eyed for sugar. Hmm...wonder where he gets that?

Helping the Dentist buy his new Land Rover

Vootz

2009-04-10T19:42:00.000-07:00

Vootz in his new glasses

Vootz in his sunglasses

Vootz as a GI JOE for Halloween 2008

Vootz working on his first cavity.

Sidetracked by Pink, Curls and Lipgloss!

2009-04-07T09:48:00.000-07:00

My sister is here!!! I don't have time to write decent post because I have a niece who needs her toenails painted glittery pink, so here are the pictures I finally had developed and put on CD. Today we will focus on Rub. Enjoy.

Rub, the wall climbing Superhero.

Rub, the Lollipop tester.

Cowboy Rub.

Fireman Rub.

Dear Rub

2009-03-30T19:40:00.000-07:00

Dear Rub,

Please quit being so difficult when it comes to learning how to read and write. Please quit trying to make your dad and I think you might flunk out of kindergarten. I know you are capable of way more than you let on. You have proven that by saying things like, "Mom, I need a drink of your diet Coke because all this running around has me parched." Come on "parched" really? What kind of five year old says parched? What kind of five year old who is leading his parents to believe he is not ready to go to school says "parched"? Also when you say, "Dub deliberately hit Buzz with the block." or when you say, "I absolutely do not want tomatoes (with the ah sound not the long A sound) on my cheeseburger." I especially find it funny that when you think I am not listening to you play in your room you can count to twenty three, but if I ask you to count you can't seem to get past twelve. I have seen your name drawn in the dust on my BBQ grill lid, I have seen it scratched on the fence, I have seen it written in mud on the side of the house, but when I ask you to write your name you look at me like I asked you to perform brain surgery. I am begging and pleading with you to please quit the games, or at least when you get to school show Miss Hughes what you are really capable of. Please don't flunk out of kindergarten just because you want to play mind games with mommy. Please. Thank you for your cooperation.

Love,
Mommy

PS. If you flunk out of kindergarten they will not let you be a fireman.

Rub and Dub and The Fever

2009-03-29T16:29:00.000-07:00

While waiting in the drive thru line at the bank...

Rub- Mom, why there's cameras all over da bank? Who put dem on da roof?

Me- To make sure people are safe and the builders put them up there.

Rub- No, No, No! You got it all wrong mom! It's in case da Ninjas come and teal da monies. Dats what da cameras are for.

Me- Oh, okay Rub for the Ninjas then.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A conversation with Dub...

Dub- Moooommm! I said for you to give me some juice!

Me- Dub, I said NO. And you watch how you talk to me. You are not the boss, you don't tell me, you ask me.

Dub- You are not the boss mom, you don't tell me that. Dad's the boss.

Mom- Dub do you want to take a nap?

Dub- No, I didn't say a nap, I said juice.

Me - Irrrrr!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Getting ready for church...

Rub- Dad, I don't want to wear dis tie.

JC- How come Rub, you look sharp.

Rub- No I don't, I wook widicuwous.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sitting in church...

Me- Honey isn't pink a great color?

JC- What?

Me- Pink, don't you think it is a great color, see *pointing to the most angelic little baby girl all swaddled in pink in her daddy's arms.*

JC- What are you talking about?

Me - I think we could use some pink in our house.

JC- Do you have something you are trying to tell me?

Me- Yes, I think we need to have a little girl with big blue eyes to stare up at her daddy with and chubby little cheeks and legs to squish on.

JC- Are you? *turning very white

Me- No, but wouldn't it be nice to have a little girl?

JC- I don't know how to make little girls remember?

Me- But if there was a way to be 100% sure....

JC- NO!

Me- Oh, come on just one little girl.

JC- Nope. I fell for that line 4 times already. No. Listen to the lesson

Me- I can't I am too distracted. Look how beautiful she is. Look at how sweet.

JC- *squeezing my finger* does this hurt?

Me- No why? What are you doing?

JC- Distracting you from your distraction.

Me- It's not working. I have the fever.

JC- Get over it. It's not happening...again.

I will break him. You just watch. *evil cackle*

Jeepers Creepers Where'd You Get Those Peepers...

2009-03-27T20:41:00.000-07:00

I am sorry, it seems I never gave out the most vital piece of information regarding JC's visit to the E.R. The doctor was able to dig the metal out with a needle. His eye was numbed first of course. He prescribed some antibiotic drops and sent JC home with 20/20 vision. Slightly worse than his normal 20/15 vision that he is use to, but when the irritation subsides he should be back to normal. I don't know what is more sickening to me, the fact that they dug the metal out of his eye with a needle or that with an injured eye he still has better vision than me. After a very long night in the E.R. we arrived home shortly before 4am. I felt like a teenager sneaking in, trying not to wake up his mom. Not that I would know anything about sneaking in as a teenager or anything. Really.

I Like People, I Just Don't Like Stupid People!

2009-03-25T21:29:00.000-07:00

Monday JC was grinding on some metal out at the ranch and a hot piece shot up, hit his cheek, bounced under his safety glasses and embedded itself in his eye. ~~Only a Moncur would have that kind of luck I tell ya~~ After many failed attempts at flushing it out we decide to call the doctor. Of course all this went down well after the doctor was closed for the day so the advice nurse tells us we need to go right away to the E.R. We weighed our options and decided his eyesight is pretty important to us so we probably should go before the metal worked its way deeper into his eye.

We call and woke up JC's mom to come sit with the boys and off we go.

We arrive at the very crowded E.R. and check in.

Here are a few ~~things that irked the heck out of me~~ observations...

1. More than half the people there did not really need to be there. Take some Nyquil, drink a lot of water ~~and less beer~~ and go to bed. You will feel better in three days. The Doctor cannot do anything for your cold so quit over crowding the E.R. just because you have a runny nose. After three days if you are still feeling crapy make an appointment with your primary doctor. Seriously, your runny nose is not an emergency!

2. Bring a translator/driver if necessary and leave the rest of the village at home. The waiting room only has so many chairs and your brother, sister, nieces, nephews, sons, daughters, mother, father, wife, neighbor, aunt, uncle and drinking buddy are taking up chairs that the really sick or injured people would probably like to be able to sit in.

3. If your child is sick enough or injured enough to be in the E.R., they are sick enough or injured enough to sit their bum down in a chair and not be running all around and hanging over the back of my chair breathing their germs in my face.

4. The E.R. is a dirty, nasty, filthy, germy place. Why would you let your kid crawl around on the floor? I just sat on the very edge of my seat all night, touching as little as possible and I still felt like I needed to bathe in bleach when I got home. *shivers*

5. Whining to the security clerk every fifteen minutes is not going to get you seen any faster. Sit down and wait your turn like everyone else.

6. While pretending you can't breathe you probably shouldn't waste all your precious air by yelling across the room at the security guy about how you "really can't breathe, and need to see the doctor now!"

7. While pretending to pass out, because you could not breathe, you should keep your eyes closed. Opening them to peak to see if anyone is paying attention to your lying, narcotic seeking little bum is just going to piss off the nurse who had to walk herself into the waiting room to check on you. And most likely she will flag you as not urgent and you will get to sit there in the waiting room for the rest of the night.

8. Do not make out in the waiting room, it is not a hotel. Some people there are already throwing up. They don't need to see that.

9. Do not go stand two feet outside the automatic doors, in front of the NO SMOKING sign and smoke your cigarette, and then get pissed because you missed your turn. Some of us would like to not have to wade through your second hand smoke to get inside. Some of us would rather not smell like a stinky ash tray.

10. If you do insist on going to the E.R. for your cold. Bring some tissue with you. Don't wipe your nose on your hand and then touch the arm rest that separates our chair, and don't spit your sputum on the floor and then smear it with your boot.

11. The floor is not the trash can, Your legs and arms worked well enough to get you to the vending machine across the room, they will also work well enough to get you to the trash can three feet away.

*Note the "bad word" in the title. (Yes, Stupid is a "bad word" in our house.) I could not think of another word that worked in its place. Nothing quite seemed to sum it up as well as "Stupid".

Physical Adrenaline

2009-03-25T20:10:00.000-07:00

Last week I took Rub to his get his kindergarten physical. To give Rub shots, we fold his arms across his chest and then I lay across his body, pinning his arms down. His legs dangle over the edge of the bed at the knee and the nurse lays her weight against his legs and gives him his shots in the thigh. When the nurse was giving him his shots he was screaming at the top of his lungs, "Stop! Please Stop! Please! Please don't do that!"

All I could say was at least he was polite about it. Then we had to go to the lab to have his blood drawn. I told the lab tech, "He is very strong, especially when he is upset, we will probably need some help to hold him."

She looked at me like I was kidding. After all, he is just five and she said, "Oh honey I do this every day. We will be fine." She had him sit on my lap, I knew from experience I needed to cross my leg over the top of his or the smug little tech was gonna get booted in the crotch. So I wrapped my legs around his and my arms held his free arm to his chest in a big hug. The tech pulled his wrist down to the table to look for a vein and he bicep curled it back up. So she held his arm down with two hands and again he curled her like it was nothin'. So little Miss 'I do this every day' decided she should go get Darlene to help us. So now we have me holding every limb but the arm they are using and Darlene and the other tech holding his arm down and he is still over powering the three of us. In comes tech number three. It took three lab techs and me to get his blood. He wasn't thrashing about. He wasn't squirming. He was just curling up his arm. I could not help but smirk a little at Miss 'I do this every day'.

And again he was screaming, "Please! Please take it out! Please stop! You're poking me! Please stop poking me with that pokey!" Strong and polite and now very upset he starts crying, "I want my Buzz. Please I wanna see Buzzy. Can we go get Buzzy now, pleeeaaase!"

I love it when my boys seek each other for comfort.

Spring Chicken

2009-03-12T20:03:00.000-07:00

Just to dispel any rumors going around, yes, yesterday was my 25th birthday...again. My mother in law came by with my FAVORITE cake EVER! Angel Food cake with fresh strawberries and whip cream. It was TASTY! I did some banking, filled the gas tank in my car, thanked the heavens for smiling down on me when my Dr. cancelled my 10 O'clock appointment, because who wants to do their physical on their birthday anyway? Cleaned the house, soaked in the tub, nothing too exciting.

Things I am REALLY REALLY REALLY EXCITED about happening...

My sister, my niece and nephew are coming to visit for three days starting on Monday!

Twilight comes out on DVD sooooon!

I have a $100.00 gift card to spend shopping for myself all by myself!

My boys moving out and going to college, getting married and having kids just like them only worse!...Ope! Did I type that?

Randomness

2009-03-09T12:35:00.000-07:00

I recently watched Fireproof, you know the movie with Kirk Cameron. The acting wasn't all that fabulous but the idea, the story, the message of the movie was fabulous. I highly recommend this movie. JC of course would not watch it with me because..."It's a sappy chick flick", and it kinda is. I cried a lot through the whole movie, but if you can ~~trick~~ ~~bribe~~ talk your husband into watching it with you I suggest that you do.

I have finally decided what my decorating style would be if I had the time, money and space to decorate my house. Check out Warm Pie, Happy Home I believe it is a vintage farm house look I like. Very warm, country kind of feeling to it. Speaking of houses, I am looking for a new one to rent. We need more space. Six of us smooshed into 1175 square feet of house is not working so well. The older two boys definitely need their own room separate from the little two ~~destroyers~~ angels. So if any of you happens across a 4 bedroom for rent let me know. I should shut up know because I am not as smooshed as my dear friend Karrie, over at Trailer Life is while they are building their home. Just a little longer Karrie...can you stand it?

Vootz got his new glasses today. His eyesight is worse than mine now. Pictures will be coming soon. He looks very handsome in them. Hopefully they last longer than his last pair. He was amazed to be able to see things today that he has not been able to see for a very long time, like skid marks on the street, true boy.

I am going to make an attempt to be more organized, starting in the boys room. Our storage is very limited so any ideas as to how I can tame my house is greatly appreciated.

We are preparing the back yard for a vegetable garden! I am very excited, it has been about 7 years since our last garden. I will be very busy canning this summer! I can't wait for the tomatoes and corn! MMM!

I am also looking to learn how to bake in a dutch oven over coals. I have always wanted to learn and I am finally going to do it. Now I just need to acquire the dutch oven. My first project will of course be cinnamon rolls! I will have to have some taste testers anyone interested? I wonder, is it legal to have a campfire in your back yard? Not a monstrous bonfire one just a small cooking one. Probably not. In a town where you cannot even have a fire in your fireplace I'm pretty sure one in your yard would be frowned upon. Looks like I will be taking a trip to Dad's for that one.

Well I'm off to the kitchen to bake some bread.

Umm...Yeah after I pick up my kids from school. I forgot it is a minimum day. I am surprised the school hasn't called yet. Better git gone!

Best News Of The Week!

2009-03-04T20:52:00.000-08:00

Coming at you live from my very own desk, on my very own super fast computer, weighing in at...well lets not go there, but you get the idea! My computer is fixed! Thank you JC! Thank you Ed! Thank you Brina for the time Ed was fixing my computer and ignoring your honey do list! Now that my computer is back hopefully I will be around more regular now, but for the next couple of days I have a lot of downloading to do, drivers and stuff so I will not be posting anything else until I am finished with that. See ya soon!

R.I.P Old Friend

2009-02-24T11:14:00.000-08:00

I have been ignoring you. I am sorry but I have been on this reading kick and can't seem to get my nose out of the books. I have finished Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage, and the complete Twilight series all in a little less than two weeks. I have nothing else to read for a while so I thought I would quit neglecting my blog and catch up a little.

We JC sold our old white sub to his brothers to be used for parts. It was a sad day. I thought I would be ok, and I was, until they fired it up and I realized I was hearing my our car roar to life for the last time. That car was the first major purchase JC and I bought together. Sadly I wrecked it shortly after, and the engine is about to blow up and it won't shift out of first gear because the transmission is shot, and there's a few nails in the tires but still it has sentimental value. I tried not to cry over a stinkin' old car that was taking up a perfectly good parking place in the drive way forcing me to park my new love on the street, but when JC handed me the check the tears just seemed to roll no matter how hard I tried to keep them in. It might have been easier if I could have looked at the check and imagined a new pair of shoes or flirty summer dress, but images of square steel tubing doesn't dull the pain of losing my baby. Vootz and Buzz seem to be taking it just as hard. When they got home from school and it was not in the drive way they were afraid someone had stolen it.

Vootz- MOM! Someone stole the Sub!

Me- No, we sold it to Unlce Boom and Uncle Ed.

Vootz- WHY! Why couldn't dad just fix it up.

Buzz- How did they take it? Is it working?

Me- Yes, it works, they drove it away and no, dad can't fix it up.

Buzz- Well if it starts why is it broken?

Me- It's a long story Buzz

Vootz- Well dad has a lot of tools, he could just fix it.

Me- Tools aren't parts Vootz. The sub needed a lot of expensive parts.

Vootz- Well dad has a lot of parts at the ranch. He could just take the parts off the old cars and out of the junk yard and fix it.

Me- It doesn't work like that.

Vootz- I don't care how it works mommmm! I liked that car!

They made quick work of stripping her apart. By yesterday afternoon they had brought back my stereo, speakers and wheels. The three items not part of the deal. Oh and one of the boys' missing Hot Wheel. I would imagine that by now they have parts scattered between the ranch, Boom's house and Ed's house. It's a sad thought.

When they drove the car away, they also drove away with my computer, so hopefully soon I will have my computer up and running and will be more on top of keeping my blog updated since I won't be having to hijack JC's or fight with the keyboard on the boys computer.

A Little About JC

2009-02-19T09:33:00.001-08:00

1. He's sitting in front of the TV, what is on the screen?
Sports Center

2. You're out to eat; what kind of dressing does he get on his salad?
Ranch, Blue cheese occasionally

3. What's one food he doesn't like?
MUSHROOMS

4. You go out to eat and have a drink. What does he order?
For food it depends on where we go. As for a beverage, Dr. Pepper or a flavored lemonade like raspberry or strawberry.

5. Where did he go to high school?
Shafter High

6. What size shoe does he wear?
12 wide

7. If he was to collect anything, what would it be?
Right now he has a collection of the state quarters, a collection of Sports Illustrated magazines from the late 80's - late 90's, and a collection of Michael Jordan posters.

8. What is his favorite type of sandwich?
From Heidi's he likes the Bronx Bomber, or a Reuben. From Subway he likes Roast Beef and Swiss. He also likes a good pastrami.

9. What would he eat every day if he could?
My homemade bread or any of my home cookin'.

10. What is his favorite cereal?
Right now he's likin' Granola. But he also likes Wheat Chex, Honey Bunches of Oats Frosted Mini-Wheats and Frosted Flakes.

11. What would he never wear?
A speedo, anything pink...

12. What is his favorite sports team?
College? Michigan Wolverines. Pro? Atlanta Braves, Chicago Bears

13. Who did he vote for?
Not Obama.

14. Who is his best friend?
I am, aside from me, Ryan, Matt and Jeff.

15. What is something you do that he wishes you wouldn't do?
Oh where to begin...

16. What is his heritage?
Scottish and French

17. You bake him a cake for his birthday; what kind of cake is it?
Red Velvet (from scratch, not from a box) with Cream Cheese Icing (also from scratch)

18. Did he play sports in high school?
Football and Basketball.

19. What could he spend hours doing?
Talking with friends, tinkering on cars and trucks, playing video games.

20. What is one unique talent he has?
Making me incredibly happy.

Time Flies

2009-02-16T14:09:00.000-08:00

Okay, okay! It's been a while I know. We survived two weeks of passing around the stomach flu and just as everyone, and by everyone I mean the boys, got their energy back I came down with a horrific cold. The kind that makes you wish you had the stomach flu instead because at least that only lasts a couple of days. I was MISERABLE! It lasted a little over a week. I am finally feeling better and so far no one else has any symptoms. *crossing fingers*

For Christmas JC's brother and his wife gave me a day at the spa for my gift. I know, there is not a better gift in the whole world than a spa day! They rock! My sister in law who is expecting her first baby, my 5th niece scheduled our appointment for Valentines Day. For my Valentines present from JC, he watched the boys for the day while I escaped to heaven! I figured a day at the spa, we'd have a massage, pedicure and manicure and that would be fantastic. L's idea of a day at the spa was a European facial, an 80 minute Swedish massage, spa pedicures and manicures while eating a delicate lunch and sipping apple cider from champagne glasses and a shampoo and style! I did not want to come home. I wish I was Rich so I could go to the spa every month. I am beyond grateful to J and L for a wonderful day to relax and be pampered.

I made it through the whole day with out any phone calls from JC, because he has not memorized my cell number and his cell phone was in my purse from the night before. I also went the whole day until five minutes before we left the spa with out any phone calls from the boys! When the phone did ring it was Buzz which was no surprise because he is the only one who knows my number by heart.

Me- Hello.
Buzz- *whining* Mom you've been gone a lotsa hours. Are you coming home fast?
Me- No Buzz I am not coming home fast. I will be home in about twenty minutes.
Buzz- But that will take forever!
Me- No Buzz that will take twenty minutes. Go watch the Letter Factory and I will be home before it is over. Bye

Five minutes later.

Me- Hello.
Buzz- Mom, Rub wants to talk to you.
Rub- *mumble, mumble, whine*
Me- I have no idea what you are saying ask dad. Bye.

Two minutes later

Me- What Buzz?
Buzz- Dad doesn't know what Rub wants.
Me- Oh well. He'll figure it out eventually. Bye.

Five minutes later.

Me- I'm turning on our street now. Quit calling me!

By the time I actually got to finish writing this and post it Vootz came down with the cold. Granted it has taken me several days to accomplish this little post because I have been very busy with catching up on doctor appointments now that we finally have insurance. More to come on that later.

Vomittus Eruptus Round 3

2009-01-28T12:48:00.000-08:00

Ugh! I so thought we were done with the puking. Buzz started yesterday AM around 3. Rub woke up with a tummy ache at four, so far no puking for him. Dub had not puked yet but looked awfully green and was being much brattier (is that a word?) than normal. I was feeling TIRED but not so tired I could not whip up a batch of orange almond Swiss butter cream frosting to put on ~~my hips~~ the chocolate cake I baked the night before. MMM! I indulged in ~~half the cake~~ a piece of cake after the kids went to bed...You heard me I did not share my cake with them. I don't think I could handle seeing my labor of love spewed across the carpet. Besides, chocolate stains.

This morning at five, as I was ironing JC's uniform, which turned out not to be JC's uniform but some guy named Eduardo's because the uniform company the county uses is the worst ever, I hear Dub whining and hyperventilating. Ugh! He's spewed in his bed. So I clean him up and settle him down in my room. It's gonna be a grand day, I can just feel it!

I made Buzz stay home from school again despite his begging to go. Yes, he is my strange child. He actually loves to go to school. He had not thrown up since yesterday afternoon but he also had not had anything to eat or drink except a half glass of 7-Up and a few sips of Gatorade. So just to make certain I would not have to go pick him up from school an hour after he got there I just made him stay home. He is doing fine and will return to school tomorrow. Just in time for Rub to start barfing I am sure. In the spirit of Mardi Gras ~~and my sarcastic nature~~, Laissez les bons temps rouler!

Oh, and I hope you enjoy your freshly ironed uniform Eduardo, where ever you are with your scrawny size 30/28 short little self. I had to send JC to work in wrinkled pants, which is really a pet peeve of mine, but I did not have time to iron another pair because I was dealing with a sick boy. Dang uniform company!

Give It Up For The Man!

2009-01-25T13:29:00.000-08:00

Okay, I have to give props to JC.

He came home last night from the ranch later than normal, and before even looking at me or saying hello, he asked what was for dinner. No, that is not why he gets props, that is what almost got his props kicked, but then he looked at me and I guess realized I was feeling less than well and was at my limit. He said, "I'm going up town for a minute, I will be back shortly."

I'm thinking great take your time, have a blast you inconsiderate man. I have the flu, (yes, my boys love to share) I have two boys with the flu and two boys who are healthy but wound up, I have been here with them alone, all day, you come home for two minutes and then leave???!!! Okay great. I hope you get this flu Buddy! Then we will see how you like it. MMM HMM! Just you wait! Not that I blame him, anyone in their right mind would have run 100 miles in the opposite direction. Twenty minutes later, he shows up with 3 bottles of 7-Up. He even found what was on sale, used the Albertson's card and a coupon! Be still my beating heart. A considerate, and cost efficient husband.

You know he does this to me all the time. Makes me angry at him for no reason. If he would have just said, "hey I'm going to go buy you some 7-Up" I would have never been ~~planning to spit in his cup~~ so upset. But noooo, he has to be all mysteriously sweet. I think he likes me to get angry with him and make him into the horrible husband, then feel like I am two inches tall when he turns into the perfect man. It couldn't be because after I feel so bad that I was plotting his demise that I instantly melt into his arms and would do anything to please him. Do you think he he has caught on to that? Do you think he would be awful enough to use that power against me? I'm gonna have to watch this martian very closely, he could be a smart one.

You know I paint JC as the stereotypical clueless man from MARS a lot on my blog. He really isn't though. He is generally very thoughtful, considerate and is a really great husband and father. Oh, and he has exceptional taste in clothing and women ~~after all he chose me and the stylish half of my wardrobe~~ Sure there are times when his Martian side comes through more than I'd like, but if it didn't I wouldn't have anything good to write about. I love you JC and I appreciate all that you do for me and the boys. Despite what I was thinking last night, I REALLY hope you don't get the flu. I can't handle taking care of anymore sick babies. Ope! I mean I would hate to for you to be so miserable.

I Could REALLY Use A DIET PEPSI

2009-01-24T12:30:00.000-08:00

Update...

Vootz continued to vomit well into the early morning hours until he could only manage the dry heaves. I gave him a small cup of Sprite and told him to sip it slowly. It took him about 30 minutes to finish it and so far it has stayed down. I asked him a minute ago if he wanted to try some more and he said that he did not want anything else. This is "garbage guts" we are talking about here, he has never turned down any food, especially not the rare treat of soda. ~~just because JC and I are addicted doesn't mean my kids get to have it~~ he must really be feeling bad. Now he says he hurts all over and wants to go back to bed.

Buzz woke up this morning with the rash spreading to his neck, cheek and back. But that is not even the clincher...he tells me, "Mom my rash is making my tummy hurt on the inside." Ugh! So I find another bucket and settle him in. He too refused to eat or drink anything. It looks like it is going to be a long week end.

The other two *knock on wood* seem to be doing okay. JC left for the ranch ~~typical~~ and I am trying to figure out how to go check the mail for medical cards so hopefully if I need to have the boys see a doctor it won't be such a hassle. And also how to get to the store for more 7-Up and Gatorade with out having to risk kids puking in my car. I guess I will have JC do it on his way home tonight...or better yet I will wait until JC gets home tonight and go myself. He can handle throw up for thirty minutes...I ~~think~~ hope. I'm going to go air out the house now and pray that no one else gets sick.

World's Greatest Craving - Appetite Suppressor

2009-01-23T20:28:00.000-08:00

I have been very disgusted with myself lately. I have wanted to eat right and go to the gym and lose this extra weight. I start my morning with good intentions, a bowl of oatmeal with some fruit and a cup of milk. Lunch is usually okay, but by two I am into the cookies or making cupcakes just so I can eat the batter. By the time JC gets home and we have dinner and get the boys to bed I am exhausted and feeling defeated...again. Today was different. I started out bad, biscuits and gravy for breakfast followed by a cookie. Then I got better by having an all fruit smoothie for lunch. Made plans to go to the gym tonight with a friend. Ate a reasonable dinner. Things were starting to look hopeful. Then JC thought we could watch a movie together...there goes the gym. So I figure I will go first thing in the morning. No big deal.

While getting the kids ready for bed I notice Buzz is unusually itchy even for him. Get a closer look at his stomach and he is covered from clavicle to hips in a red splotchy rash. I called Angela, because Pfizer did not ever send me that life time supply of Children's Benedryl and of course I am out...again. Run across the street in the rain to ~~barrow~~ take some Benedryl, she and I both know she won't be getting it back, that's one of the great things about our friendship. Drug up Buzz and give in to his pleas to let them stay up and watch Star Wars the Clone Wars. Go to the office to ~~affirm that no one loves me~~ check my email . Vootz comes in holding his stomach and whining about how bad it really hurts this time. (He is notorious for faking sick). So I told him to go drink a glass of warm water and then try to poop. Off he goes looking more than dejected. I start looking for something to prove that someone, somewhere loves me. Facebook...nope, Myspace...nada, =TPE=...zilch. I start thinking I need a cookie. I am bored and lonely and a cookie is the magic cure for that right? Then I hear, "Mooom!" and then something splashing to the floor. Vootz is standing in the hallway heavin' up Jonah! Ughh! I am feeling like the World's Worst Mom award will be headed my way.

I usher Vootz to the toilet and tell him not to move. He continues to puke while I go to clean up the hallway.
JC hollers from the office, "Uuuf Honeeeey!"
I respond with, "I don't want to hear it! My face is 8 inches from it and you are down the hall and in another room!" So instead of getting out of his chair and closing the office door himself, he calls in Buzz from the living room, who has to walk down the hallway I am scrubbing to close the office door for him.
Buzz- "Eww! What's that smell? Oh gross! Who's mac and cheese and hot dog throw up is that?" ~~real healthy dinner I know so shoot me I was being lazy~~.
Finish with the hall and help Vootz clean himself up, get him a bucket to cling to for the night and put all of them to bed. Spray the house down with Lysol and remember I should probably call Julie to tell her Buzz has a rash since he was at her house all afternoon and call Angela to tell her Vootz is chuckin' since he was at her house today. The good news is I don't want a cookie anymore. I am tired and I want to go to bed. No movie, no gym, PLEASE no more vomit! Of course as I typed that exclamation point Vootz started yackin' again. It's gonna be a fun night.

Hind Sight is 20/20

2009-01-18T18:20:00.000-08:00

We got a new to us car for Christmas. It has been WONDERFUL! I love not smelling like a greasy diesel truck when I arrive at my destination. It has a radio and a six disc changer! It has more gadgets than a button factory! It has AC and a heater...and they both work! I will miss the wildly sexy wind blown hair effect from driving 60 miles per hour with the windows down though. It was like I was Cindy Crawford riding horseback through a meadow ~~only the saddlebags were on me and not the saddle~~ We can all travel together all in the same car...and then again we have to travel together all in the same car. It was nice to be able to go to the store alone because I could not fit anyone else plus groceries. Now I have to take all four boys and sometimes even their dad.

On one of our recent outings the conversation went something like this...

Dub-*not understanding what he was saying ~~I hope~~* I hate you mommy!

Me-Dub*insert middle and last names here* we don't say hate. That is a BAD BAD word and you should never, ever tell someone that you hate them. It is very mean and not nice. You will hurt their feelings and make them cry. If you cannot say something nice to someone then you should not say anything at all. Can you say, sorry mommy?

Dub-I'ne sowwy.

Vootz totally missing my point- You could always substitute the word detest for hate Dub. That is a better word to use.

JC totally missing Vootz's point-Vootz if you ever tell your mother that you detest her you'll have to deal with me!

Me-Ughh...Yes Vootz, detest is a better word that hate, but still you should never tell anyone you detest them. If it is not nice, don't say it! JC, Vootz was not telling Dub he could tell me that he detests me, he was just trying to give Dub a better word than hate and flexing his vocabulary skills a little for us to notice.

This is what I get to deal with now. I liked my quiet solitude during errands. Now it is like being at home all the time only at home and all in a closet together! I prayed for a year for a car we could all fit in. Every night and every morning. During the day I would sing, "Heavenly Father can you hear me?" Oh he heard me and he gave me a year to try to wake up and realize that I don't know what is best for me, he knows what is best for me, Did I catch on? No, I had to keep pushing. He finally he gave in. Hind sight is 20/20!

*I am seriously VERY grateful for my car. It is truly a blessing and I love it. But I do miss my solitude occasionally, what mother of four wouldn't?!

Fun, Fun, Fun In That Warm California Sun

2009-01-16T18:48:00.000-08:00

***************WARNING************
If you are one of my dear readers who happens to be braving sub-zero temperatures right now, you might not want to continue reading.

Today was absolutely gorgeous! Sunny skies for as far as the eye can see and a warm 73 degrees! Today was so nice actually that we spent the afternoon lounging in the sun and splashing in the pool (it was slightly heated)! You heard me. We went swimming...outside...In January! It was wonderful! I told you not to read this JR! I will be posting pictures as soon as I can figure out how to get them off my phone. My little fishes had a blast! They kept going back and forth from the heated pool to the non-heated pool. They got good and worn out so hopefully they will all soon be sleeping.

This is not the creative blog worthy post I mentioned earlier today. I went swimming instead of blogging and now JC is home and using his computer so I am on the dinosaur, aka the boys computer and it has taken me 40 minutes and several backspaces (four backspaces just to type backspace, I think I got it now) just to type this little snippit of crap. So while JC is at the ranch tomorrow fixing his truck I will try to do better. I have to say good night now because I am starting to curse ~~alot out loud~~ a little under my breath at this blasted keyboard. Time to release all that anger, I think I will go do some yoga or go to the gym ~~make chocolate chip cookie dough and watch The Biggest Loser re-runs~~. Good Night!

Well Blow Me Down!

2009-01-16T09:44:00.000-08:00

Hey guess what!
No my computer still is not fixed. Guess again. No I am not pregnant...again!
You're never gong to guess so lemme just spill it. I am using JC's computer! And I am not even sneaking! He actually....hold on to your seats....he actually told me the other night that I could use his computer while he was at work to do my blog! I think it was his fever. He might have been a little delirious, but who am I to argue with a sick man. So here I am at JC's computer with 100% approval from him and I have NOTHING! That's right I have NO THING to write about. Zip! Zilch! Nada! Well I guess that is not entirely true. I have things to write about just no idea how to make them blog worthy. After all I found out over the Holidays that I have many loyal readers who secretly lerk around these pages *cough*Uncle Stan*cough* and I would not want to disappoint them with some blah blah blah yakity smakity. So I will try to gather my creativity today so I can give you all a blog worthy post later.

Bummer

2008-12-27T19:21:00.001-08:00

I hope you all had a Merry Christmas!

Just dropping a quick post here before heading off to bed to let you know I won't be around for a couple of weeks. My computer needs a new something computer techy. JC is working on it for me now but we have to order the part so I won't be up and running again until it comes in. I am stuck with the kids computer and ya'll know how much I detest using their computer so I will see you when mine is fixed.

Have a Very Happy New Year!

Conversations With A Three Year Old

2008-12-13T19:56:00.001-08:00

Me- Who's that?

Dub- Piwate Ducky. Argh Quack Quack! He got a telscope dare on dat wing.

Me- Really? What does he do with a telescope?

Dub- It's not a telscope! It's noculars. He wooks at da bad guys wif his majnation and day pways kitar.

Me- They're binoculars and He looks at the bad guys with his imagination and they are playing the guitar?

Dub- Yep.

Me- Hmm. Are you my boy?

Dub- Nope. I dad's boy. *sees Vootz playing with his soldiers* An I see dose tonks you got dare and they vroom.

Me- You're dad's boy! *fake pout*

Dub- Yep. Wook out da bad guys!

Me- Are those tanks going to vroom to the bad guys?

Dub- I wasn't talking you! I was talking Vootz!

Me- Sorry. I thought you were talking to me.

Dub- No. I talking to G Ji Joe.

Me- No. You just said you were talking to Vootz. Who are you talking to, GI Joe or Vootz?

Dub- I said I was talking to Daaad! *shakes head and rolls eyes.

Me- Okay random.

Dub- Ine not wandom! Ine W.